Nasrudin was a spiritual leader and teacher in a small village. He was honored and respected as a mullah, although he was rather unusual and unpredictable.
One day a man of great virtue in the village came to Nasrudin with some news. "My business requires that I move to a town far away, and I regret that I have to leave our beautiful village and the benefits of having you as a spiritual guide and teacher," he said to Nasrudin.
The honored teacher looked sad and said, "I'm very sorry to see you go. I hope you can stay in touch with us, with me."
"I don't know what it will mean to live far away," the man said. "But I had an idea. I have long admired the beautiful ring you wear on the finger of your right hand, and I thought, if you were to give me that ring, every time I looked at my hand and saw that ring I'd think of you."
Now, Nasrudin had his virtues and his ordinary vices. One thing he did not like to do is to part with things that were precious to him.
"I have a better idea," he said. "Why don't I keep my ring. Then, every day you look at your hand and see that my ring is not there, you will think of me."
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This is a perfect story of emptiness. Instead of seeing something, you see nothing, and that nothing is meaningful. The townsman's attitude is standard: He is about to lose touch with this teacher, so he looks for something. This is how we deal with change and loss. We look for something, anything, to fill the gap.
But Nasrudin is wiser than he looks. He demonstrates the importance of wit and humor in paradoxical teachings. He comes up with a better idea, seeing value in the potential for emptiness he notices in his neighbor. He also perceives that by introducing nothingness in a positive way, he advances the teacher-student relationship. The empty, ringless, unnoticeable finger is the perfect solution.
This leads to broader questions: What place does emptiness have in our relationships? Is it better sometimes not to have physical signs of closeness and love? Is it good to doubt your beloved's devotion to you? Do the things we use to express our love get in the way? You give an expensive gift on an anniversary or on Valentine's Day. Would it be better to find a non gift, an empty gift, one that doesn't cost much or doesn't cost anything, that is not traditional, that has no obvious message?
My reflections:
On gifting: With my anniversary coming up in 15 days, This was a nice question to explore.
My entire family is some form believes in sustainability (read less consumption / buying / avoiding plastic etc). When my younger one came back from Germany and my wife returned from Jaipur after a long stay & last year when my daughter came back from Norway - none of them got any physical thing (like dress which they got for my other members of family) - the only thing all 3 of them got for me was food / drinks. I loved it (the special jam from Norway & the special Christmas drink / beer Germans have)because I have enough dress to wear. But it was easy for them because I donate more and buy nothing - which they have seen me doing. Also I guess because I am a man. My wife their mom loved the jackets and other dresses she bought and wore it the very same day. Most girls are very possessive about what they wear. Both my girls cupboards are filled with dresses which they wore in some function or has their name in it.
In conclusion - for me a physical gift is a must for the women(s) in my life now that both are officially adult kids.
On emptiness in relationship / physical signs of closeness & love:
I think we have lot of it now a days especially after mobile came our way, we are occupied with them for horse which anyway create emptiness between 2 person & then thanks to WFH the line between work and office blurred many years back. The only time we can really talk is our morning walk & pillow talk which we are trying to synchronize. I think age is a BIG factor in this case as younger couple have more things to do together because they have more energy and want to explore things together. At our age our energy & need to explore is driven more by occasion than a burning need. When we were young we were out most weekends with kids on toe but now kids wanna go out so we toe the line. Couple are more accustomed to each other / their habits / there is a set routine/pattern to life - yes it leads to emptiness at times but there is always that understanding that - we are like this only.
Acceptance is the virtue we commit to with time.
Postscript: These readings are shared with me every week as I am part of the service space network.
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