The Relationship Puzzle

2 powerful movies which dig deeper into relationships but are too close to our daily life. You have to have the patience and the desire to discover something new to see both the movies.

Everything is Cinema - Don Palathara (MUBI)

This is almost like a podcast with visuals mostly black and white and shot with a hand held camera during lock down. In brief a new director shoots his wife surreptitiously and tells whatever he has in mind about their relationship (his views). The guy is arrogant and the girl is normal like any other actress. 

What’s new? Well the format is very different, you may or may not like it. I was OK, like I mentioned above it’s like his diary & hence a peek into the person’s mind and what goes on in it. It’s typical in all relationships that we speak 25% and keep 75% inside. For many it may be just the opposite, I belong to the 25 % category hence I coils relate to many of his thought process but I found the character to be a MCP which is not my type and at times jarring. 

Since the movie has nothing else to offer, you have to be psychiatrist type or someone who is inherently interested in ‘what goes on in that min’ type to like the movie.  

The Humans - Stephen Karam (MUBI)

This is again a movie where a family gathers for Thanksgiving and as the movie & the evening progresses one discovers the fault lines in the family. (Like I mentioned above) The 75% which is kept inside a person’s mind comes out in certain moments & The Humans is a brilliant portrayal of the same. It was just too close to my reality and hence was a bit discomforting.

Unlike Everything is cinema, this was almost like a play, the stage was a rundown apartment in lower Manhattan, just like a play. Each and every shot, dialogue, background sound has been choreographed to create a perfect symphony. It’s a movie I would like to watch again just from an education on making a perfect movie. 

Relationships: If I keep aside the animation and sci-fi and superhero kind of movies which will form 10% of all movies made. Rest 90% of movies are made around relationships. In Bollywood this may be 99%. For all the research which  has happened on relationships, there is no perfect equation of a relationship. Most relationships are flawed which is natural, because all of us are changing every moment, our mind and hence our biases and views are also changing rapidly especially with so much information floating on social media.

There is another extreme which we have been discussing between us (friends of similar age) that our parents and many of their contemporaries do not want to change. Even though they have a deteriorating health they refuse to shift base because of their emotional attachment although it may be life threatening. Or, they still treat us like guests or children and insist on making different dishes despite telling them not to.

Relationship is a puzzle which unlike Rubik’s cube you can master. But we can keep trying.

Pujo in 20 22

After 2 years we visited a Pandal of Durga Puja and also gave Anjali. While I did my pranam & turned back I found my wife rooted to the place almost in a meditative state. Later she explained that this was a place called Durga Bari in Bani Park, Jaipur where she had first come in tiny frocks and pony tails and played around with her friends innocently without actually fathoming the significance. Seeing the kids zig-zagging in the pandal reminded her of her childhood. 

None of us are deeply religious, in one of those debates I had asked my younger daughter - Does she believe in God ? No, she replied and she specified that she does not believe in idol worship but she does believe in some higher power and celebrates Pujo or other festivals because of the shared love and sense of community.

Looking around as I was reflecting on these thoughts I found an extremely frail women holding crutches and waiting to give anjali, A mother & a family posing along with the Durga idol to take photos, youngsters busy with their phone and many families lining up for having spicy bong food in the multiple stalls which is generally put up in any pujo.

In Kolkata I read about a special place and provision made for cancer patients & a replica of the twin tower of Malaysia created as a pandal. I am sure there are many such pandals where the karigars & decorators start work almost 1 month back to create these innovative pandals. People will buy jewellery, clothes and cars - A per today’s paper the online companies have done a business of Rs. 3.5 billion in their first wave of sales. 

As I was leaving the pandal I was trying to answer the question why religion existed or exists in today's world and the relevance of it. The celebration has been taken over by marketing hence promoting consumption. There is actually no sense of community and feeling of brotherhood (neighbourhood) because except for a core group of maybe 25 - 50 families, it is more to see the decoration and enjoy the food & have fun. So, again driving consumption.

The true believers don’t need the razzmatazz of the pandal, they are like the old lady whom I saw who is probably disconnected with the rest of the world and this is the only connection left in the world.