A night which has no end in sight !

The toads are croaking.

She is sleeping.

I am writing.

At midnight, when sleep eludes

It’s a prelude

To a night

Which has no end in sight.

A fight

between the past & future

A fight

between known & unknown

Battle ground is my mind

Which wants to live in NOW

But does not know HOW.

I keep trying

Alternating

between Reading & Meditating

After some time

It became so frustrating

That I started writing.

Is this the birth of a writer?

Is this how all writers are born ?

Out of turmoil,

Out of desperation

To keep your sanity

You use your creativity

To put words on paper

Or typewriter

So that that the mind get’s calmer

& the sleep comes faster.

In a night, which has no end in sight.

The Giving Week

Say Cheese!!!!!!!!!

One of the easiest things to do today is to click on a few links and donate money to people or fish out your wallet & give some money to someone needy & carry on browsing or driving and carry on. While one should do that – the joy of spending some time with people who need help is a different experience altogether.

My experience on a school visit during The Giving Week*.

We started off on a hot morning from Hosur & travelled amost for 2 hrs to reach a school which is very different from the NPS & New Horizon & other schools our children go to. The entire school will fit into one corner of a football field. There were no chairs & table in the class. The students sat in the ground but were as happy (maybe more) as any other kids in any school.

The entire class was very excited of our visit – as we were from Bangalore. We almost felt like we were the dignitaries. Most of them spoke Kannada and we spoke in Hindi & English. To solve the problem we spoke in action – one of us taught them Surya Namaskara – surprisingly 2 girls new it, we played Games and gave prizes, we also spoke about Hygiene – luckily few of us could speak the language and communicate clearly.

But the best part was when they are asked to perform – they all danced to the tunes of recent songs & I could see no difference in these kids & kids in Bangalore. We also asked them about World Cup but most of them preferred movies & songs – provided of course light is there.

When we asked them what wanted to become – many of them wanted to be teachers & doctors & come back to the village to serve their people. Mother was the most respected lady in most kids eyes.

Reading these few paras one would feel – what’s the big deal in spending ½ a day with children and doing simple things which one would find silly & maybe serve no purpose in our life / career. 

But “just do it” for once without purpose & you will realize that purpose will find you.

*Joy of Giving Week is a volunteering initiative by the Tata Group.

The 3 Idiots Moment or The young adult

It was for the nth time we saw 3 Idiots & as I saw it I reflected about what my friend & my daughter are going thru – the 3 Idiot moments. Although both of them are 30 years apart they are going thru the same pangs as they make decisions for their individual future.

Xth / School passing exam brings with it the pressure of probably making a tough choice in a person’s life for the 1^st time in today’s world. In our days (like in 3 Idiots) it was a tossup between engineering n medical or anything else.  

For her.....this is how her mind works:

she knows & we know that she is good in fine arts, presentation skills but she does not want to pursue the same because that does not have a good future or getting into NID is a difficult proposition etc. Larger logic is she knows she is good in arts but she might be good in something else hence she wants to discover something else like architecture – which requires maths, but she hates Maths but since she wants to do architecture she is willing to take up Maths. But wait she also like Bio but she does not want to become a doctor – maybe a teacher, eeks NO – that’s so boring so maybe microbiology / scientist types ya that sounds good. What with all the Maggie tamasha happening around us. So Bio is in so is Maths & Chem & Physics are all blood brothers – the way our combos are structured. Final choice BPCM….Whether that will be the final choice is anybody’s guess. 

That’s 1 yr down the line – so we will wait & see. But it was interesting to see how a young mind grapples with the idea of making a decision.

We adults are not different as I saw my dear friend go thru the same rigmarole as we sipped our whisky in a dimly lit room – throwback to our college days I guess. Change of job after almost a decade brings in similar kind of arguments. Should I throw away all my security & credibility painstakingly created in last 10 yrs for an unknown future? Is it the increase in money & the quality of work or the easy commute & a balanced lifestyle? Do you want to be the cog in the wheel or do you want to be the wheel? Do you really want to re-invent yourself at 40?

I have heard / read this so often “What’s your calling?”. But for every 10 successful start up there are 90 failures. Life’s journey begins where the 3 Idiot film end. 3 Idiots tells you to have the courage to take the decision but life takes its shape after you take the decision. You live that life day in day out hoping & you are part of the 10 & not 90.

I realized finally it your heart which decides – as in my friends case after a 3 hr discussion I realized his heart was made up, the discussion was to justify the questions which his rational mind was asking. Nobody know whether she will be an architect or his job will turn out to be a good choice but the 3 Idiots moment lies in the courage to take the decision & live by it happily, not doubting it.

I am sure the journey will have it’s ups & downs. Enjoy the ride!

Running Logs 3 - Choose Wisely!

The last time I ran was 28^th March when I hit 8.1 km. After a hiatus of almost 5 months I got back on road today. Thanks to minor injuries – shin / knee / elbow and a deflated spirit I stopped running which was (let’s say still is) one of my key goal of 2015. I got onto yoga and was sincerely doing it for an hr every day for last 3 months, I also got into meditation in a big way – as there was a need to calm my chattering mind (still is).

It was a nice feeling, as I ran, I could feel the fresh n cool air on my face n body. I could feel the tightness in my body after the run. Also I could feel a kind of stretch-wear-tear of muscles in specific areas. One of the thing YOGA/Meditation does is it unites your mind & body & today my running was different – unlike in the previous stint i.e. Jan/Feb, when Yanni or my run playsit egged me to run. Today I could literally feel myself deep inside various parts of body, literally speaking to them. It was a nice integrated kind of feeling which I never felt before.

As I walked back few thoughts rambled in my mind which I will try n articulate. Focus or not to focus is something which I always wanted to write about. I always believed that we should experience new things in any form - music, book, exercise, people, places etc. I strongly believe that you will connect the dots – you have to keep looking for it though. But in recent days our attention is getting split in numerous things – facebook, twitter, TED talks, QUORA- the variety & depth of news available to us on the internet & now on the go i.e mobile is making us loss our focus & you keep re-creating the question – What I am looking for? What do I need? Now the flow has become opposite – many times you receive the information and you then start asking the question - Was I looking for this? Do I need this?

My running in some sense went thru that – Yes, it’s fair to mention the injuries but I was not sincere to the promise I made to myself. I think sincerity to our purpose is critical especially things like hobby where there is no result or performance orientation like a job. How to draw a line or create a balance is for me & I guess for all of us is the toughest act. We have moved from a situation of scarcity to a situation of abundance & it’s easier to flow with the current than against it & most of us choose that as a default mode.

I know so many people around me who are obsessed about running, they talk about it, read about it, participate in events, part of clubs etc. I used to always wonder – are they overdoing this? Maybe for these people being obsessed helps them to keep focus.

At 45 – injuries are given, other options like YOGA are always welcome which are more unifying and gives centeredness vs running which gives you a high and a sense of achievement.

Choose! Wisely!! 

Written on 15th Aug 

Running Log 2 - When D(ata) rules

That's D

So, It’s been 2 months of running now & here’s how the 2^nd months went

Data & Goal Setting: After my initial metric of “no of rounds of my apartment” I realized I needed larger goals something which is closer to what I want to achieve i.e. distance & time. After browsing through the net I downloaded runkeeper a simple app which started giving me very quickly – the no of km’s I ran in how much time. As I started looking at km’s / time – it gave a new dimension to my running.  I started relating my daily runs to my larger objective of a ½ marathon or a 10 k to start with. By the end of the month I did 6.37 km in 38.52 seconds & around 25 km/ week of only running. It also helped when I met my coach and fellow runners. For anyone who is starting up – this is a must.

Running on the roads: I always wondered Why would somebody do it, especially if you have a small circuit within your apartment. Not only it is dangerous, it is also toxic as u take in all the polluted air. My first run was to touch the Koramangla U turn from my apartment (inner ring road to Koramngala) that’s around 3.5 km. By the end of the month I was the going till the Ijipura Signal that’s 6.2 km. Running early helped me avoid the traffic still it was bad – one could smell shit & urine in parts of the road, sometimes it felt I was running a obstacle race as I had to avoid pot holes, water logged drains, construction material and jump into the so called footpath which was taken over & modified by most of the shops. But this was 500m or so but the fun was when you got of this space & moved to open road, it was lovely to run with the rising sun as if you are competing with it & at most part the air was fresh & it just felt good to run in an open area rather than going round & round the apartment – which becomes suffocating after some time. But the biggest benefit was in pushing yourself to just do a little bit more, once you are out you know you have to come back, if not for this I would not have touched 6.5 km in 2 months.

Shoes / Injuries: I had one large blister in my right feet and I was not comfortable with shoes but you cannot just go buy a Nike for 7k and later say – this is not working. For a communist minded Bong this was a NO GO. So I carried on, but by the end of the month my shin bones were paining not during the run or walk but in general. At 45+ this signals bother you & decided to read about this.

Deanne & D: I picked up Shut Up & Train by Deanne Pandey, just because that was the only book on fitness in the library & it turned out to be quite nice. Apart of generic nutrition, body & food It had a separate chapter on running & explained few things like strength training, breathing techniques while running etc. While it was nice to read but you can only do that much so I decided to go in for a coach. D came recommended by CKV, met him on a Sat at Lal Bagh after filling in a simple questionnaire. As I spoke to him he barked commands on how to do some exercise, explained why a particular injury happens & joked around with few. To me he said stop running for 2-3 weeks so that shin will heal else it might be detrimental plus told him a few exercise & send him a record of my food/sleep for a week. He was away from last week of Mar to May 1^st week, so we could start in May 1^st week & still do a half marathon by end of the year.

Driving back from Lal Bagh after a hearty breakfast at MTR I mused, although there was a sense of disappointment as I had to let go of my regime I felt this was the sensible thing to do. Yes the adrenalin rush was good for the first 2 months – it gave me the confidence that 10k is doable & half marathon I can complete but I will need help. Also I am in this for fun & for long run.

Written on 2 nd March

Running Log 1 - When every minute counts

Inspired Reading - Book gifted to me by Venkat

I have been a regular fitness person – walk-run-freehand exercise-yoga for an hr has been a 5 day routine since past 5 yrs. There will always be those usual days or weeks when you are travelling or not well but the underlying philosophy was to be fit. Going to gym, body building or having an instructor was anathema to me as I am a staunch believer of doing it yourself.

30 days back on 31^st Dec the marathon bug hit me, starting thought was – it will be tough but it will not be that tough. I am a fit person anyway.

After one month here are some after effects….

Starting up, after talking to a few 10 yr old runners &  a first time runner (who was my real inspiration) I was referred to www.runningandliving.com – I got the jist that I need to increase the stamina and hence increase my walking & running time. So I increased my walking time from 15 mnt to 45 mnt but the real challenge was to increase the running time. My typical running time was 3 to 5 mnts which is roughly 1.5 to 2 round of my apartment. As it’s easier to count no of ‘apartment rounds’ I could easily move from 2 to 3 but beyond that it was like climbing a mountain.

Body, one month has seen a shift in the body muscles. I can feel the muscles which I could not before I started running especially when I move my legs to push the accelerator in the busy traffic of Bangalore. I can feel the firmness in my tummy & arms as I move around but for the first half of the day body feels stretched & exhausted & by evening I am completely dead. Today I am nursing a blister & pains in my calf muscles. Getting a trainer is playing in my mind, what was an anathema might become a necessity.

Mind, I always believed in mind over body, for running (and as a preparation for marathon) your mind is the key (with my limited understanding of a month). The concentration, attention, the push to do the last round it’s all in the mind till your body gives out. But the bigger discovery was the thoughtless or a blank mind. With the current status of work occupying 70% of your waking hrs & the increased connectivity – work is all pervasive. Thankfully running has helped me in blanking out most of my thoughts in the early hrs of the day – something which books on Buddhism failed to achieve in spite of me spending a yr on them.

Music, I had given up listening to music while running(or walking) couple of years back as I wanted to listen to the birds but even at 6 – mostly it’s traffic noise & less of birds chirping. So the headphones are back & with that I have got back my classical music which keeps me focused on running. There are chords / beats / renditions I glossed when I heard it while working / driving / flying – now the same music has a different meaning. This re-ignited my search for more meaningful music

Food, like all true bongs I enjoy my gulab jamun & my beer but I was disciplined to maintain my morning fitness regime so that the fat don’t add up – and more importantly show in the middle. But it started showing up few months back when pants needed urgent alteration & I had to rush to pick up dark shirts so that the bulge was not conspicuous. At 40+ your body probably burns less calories, as your metabolism goes down somebody told me over beer. So I am on sabbatical (3 months), no booze, no sweets, no colas, no rice….I guess this is the most difficult change.

But, where am I on running, after all that philosophy.

When I spoke to a colleague a few weeks back, who has been running for last 10 yrs – his time was 2 hrs 20 for a half marathon & I am at 20 mnt. As I write this I realize that every agonizing minute counts the journey of 15 mnts took a month.

I have to add maybe another 5 hrs to my 20. Will I make it by end of the year. Too early to say but I am sure I will attempt one marathon & I guess it will also make me a better person… 

Written in end Jan 2015