On turning 38 & what they don’t teach you at the institute called life!

Ya, that’s me on the left. Cheers! Sometimes I wish there was a printer attached to my head so that all the thoughts which comes to my mind as I jog, walk, drive gets printed out by press of a button or click of a mouse.

The above statement in a way paraphrases the inertia, which we have got into because of our innate need as a human race to fulfill all our wishes. I am not saying it is negative, if we as a human being didn’t have the desire to fulfill that need, we would not have reached the moon, discovered the cure for malaria, build bridges and prevented earth quakes.

While the above-mentioned example have a life / society / world level changes we hardly get to listen / read / understand these things. Let me explain, in last 10 days I have been hearing of this innovation done by Nike – wherein a sensor is attached to the shoes which gets linked to the ipod and as you jog you can not only hear your “jog playlist” which pumps you up. After you finish jogging you will know how many calories you have burnt, sounds great. Even I got tempted.

But then as I was driving past the hoarding when a begging bowl was thrust at me by a 5 year old in tattered rags, in one of the traffic signal. Suddenly, I had a reality check. What about those children in India who are walking the street naked without shoes and for all you know some of these kids would be making these shoes.

At one level, It’s bizarre – why can’t Nike spend money in creating a shoe for 50/- there is enough people in the world who will lap it up. There is potential, as we all have read in bottom of the pyramid so why would Nike not touch this segment with a barge pole. I guess because the top of the pyramid is too lucrative too let go. And that is point I was trying to make when we started out.

I feel our life is revolving too much around the periphery, superficial needs created not because it’s life and death or core to our reason of existence but because it helps us to live life comfortably…but essentially it’s cottoning our brains with layers and layers of inertia and slowly we will be so comfortable in that cocoon that only a jolt will bring us out

Most of the inventions are a result of a focus group discussions of the expected needs of a person which is actually our superficial side and it lists down the expectations / desires and sometime fantasies. If somebody asks me “will you be happy if there is a button which if you press before u enter the house so that everything is exactly in order”. I would be tempted to say “YES” but I will say “NO”.

Because life is not about listening to music while jogging, it’s about running. Writing this blog is as much hard work as writing my marketing presentation because it requires disciplining my mind – soul and heart to bring the right words in right intensity, which makes me, feel satisfied when I upload the same.

But most of us will let go because it is too much of an effort. Why? Isn’t there a dichotomy – you have used your intelligence and hard work to earn money and thanks to the technology (and our marketing inventiveness) we have created everything possible to be available at your finger tips so why the emptiness or a lack of reason for leaving.

Because most of us lack the discipline and that has been my biggest learning as I roll up my sleeves and cut the cake.

Objectivity without discipline is like when we went swimming in Phuket. Huge waves which swept us off our feet. We waited for them to come. Some of us swam underneath the wave to escape the fury but some of us got hurled back into the beach.

That was sea - this is your life. But the choice is always yours to make.

Sputnik Sweetheart & Murakami

Nice Name for a book. Isn’t it? Sputnik in Russian means “fellow traveler”. The book is written by Murakami (my current craze). The book is about a 22 year old girl who is in love with a woman who is 20 years older than her. Importantly, the book is also about a person who wants to be a writer.

When I read the first Murakami “Kafka on the shore” I found it, how should I put it – quirky, unusual, over the edge. It’s difficult to slot but there was something in that book which held me and somewhere I made a mental note – I wanna know this guy! I read about him on the net and discovered that – he and his wife used to run a jazz café in Japan and one day while seeing a baseball match he had a revelation that he can write. Rest as they say is history!

In the process of that discovery I read – Norwegian Wood, The wild sheep chase & now Sputnik Sweetheart. Norwegian Wood has been translated in 16 languages and he apparently has a cult following. And as it happens with cult following his writing won’t appeal to all.

What’s interesting about Murakami’s books is that, while every book has a different plot, the key protagonist and his character is almost the same – someone who thinks he is ordinary but he is lonely proud, well read – hence philosophical, not disillusioned but detached, doesn’t have a strong objectivity in terms where he wants to be in 2 yrs / 3 yrs but whatever he does tries to find a meaning, lot of growing up angst hence experiments with things.

Most of his books are in first person and since the characters are the same you almost feel like the author is trying to project you or take you along with him on certain episodes in life. The books although set in Japan, portrays the urban man-women relationship beautifully. Also every book has a very high intensity not in terms of plots / sub plots etc but in terms of the topic – Sputnik Lover is about an intense love of a women for a women & Norwegian Wood is about a man who loves a women who is engaged with somebody else, Kafka is about a boy who is run away from his home and his journey, The sheep chase is bizarre story of yes a sheep chase …I can’t explain but I loved it.

Although I was told, Sputnik Sweetheart is not one of his best books, according to me, it is probably the best in terms of his usage of the language / metaphors / words which is not his typical style. Imagine linking the non-existent life of a satellite (read empty shell), which is rotating around the earth because it can’t exercise his choice to a relationship where two people are constant companions but actually empty shells …just tied to each other because they don’t want to exercise their choice.

I kept awake for a long time after I read the book…..trying to conclude – Was it my current state of my mind? Or was it the author in me, which was shaken up. Let me sleep over it....I think I will end up picking up my next Murakami.

Lin Baba & a tribute to a city I love - Mumbai

For me a perfect book is a book in which reader starts living the story. While reading Shantaram – I not only lived the story it kept haunting my mind long after I had put the book down.

I had read “The Inheritance of Loss” just before Shantaram and I was quite disappointed with it. In fact I almost slept thru it. It just didn’t appeal to me. I guess it was too depressing, dark and there seem to be no start, middle and end…it just went on and on about misery of a few people and the life all of them were stuck.

But Shantaram was just the opposite; It grips you from page 1 and just grows on u. It’s a tome, 900 pages plus. After reading it…you literally give out a sigh and say…. Man! Did he actually go thru it?

Lin Baba, who lived his life on instinct, simple goodness in his heart is one of the most interesting characters I have read about in a long time. Lin Baba’s life almost looked like he put himself in a conveyor belt called Life and certain incidents kept happening to him. He just had his body / mind & consciousness to deal with it. No money, No education, No MBA placement program…and all this happened in a country called India (he is from Australia) where he didn’t know the language / people / culture but he made it his home and outlived many people

Many times you love the book because you relate to the character very strongly and Lin baba was one such guy - Independence, living alone, life on my own terms is not a romantic notion but a belief which I still have and live by it although in a different shade.

It also showcases Mumbai in a manner only some one who has stayed in Mumbai can relate to.

I stayed in Mumbai for 3+ yrs (just after my MBA) and those were probably the best years of life – Yes I waded thru knee deep waters, got stuck in churchgate when I missed the last local, hated the sweaty arm pits in front of my mouth in the local trains and the sight of the people shitting on the railway track but in the end when I left Mumbai and shifted to Delhi I really missed it and everything was pardoned.

It’s very difficult to capture the Mumbai spirit (and everyone have there own shade) but when I look back at my Mumbai Days it’s so nostalgic that I almost feel like someone who loved a girl very deeply but made a decision to let go because his mind asked him to.

Lost love is lost forever but Mumbai, it always waits with her open arms. I will be back very soon.

Munnabhai ko jail kyu huan?

My 4 & 7-year-old kids have been asking me this question to me since yesterday? And I was ducking it knowing that I cannot explain the reason.

Munnabhai has been part of my household since we saw the first part – Munnabhai drinks milk like this, Munnabhai & circuit do this and do that. Recently when my daughter was going for 15th August dance practice she refused to believe that, there exists a “vandemataram” song beyond the one she heard in Lage Raho.

As a film buff, the Munnabhai franchisee is one of the best to come out of Bollywood. The “Sanjay-Arshad jodi”, “the tapori language”, “the struggle of a mumbaikaar”. , daughter/son/patient”, the concept of “Gandhigiri …..in my mind the Munnabhai franchisee was a world beater.

Reflecting on the decision, my left-brain was quite upset and the right brain said – It does not matter if he is Sanjay Dutt the actor. If he is committed a crime he should be punished. But my left brain kept arguing it’s not right, look at what that person has gone thru, look at the impact he as the munnabhai character left on the kids, and how gandhigiri impacted the society etc etc.

For a moment (maybe few hours) I was actually questioning the entire episode. I really wanted Sanju to be let off. I guess that’s where lies the charisma and the emotional connect an actor makes with the audience. I don’t think I would have felt that way for Amitabh, Naseer or a Faroque Sheikh / Om Puri…although all of them in my mind are the best.

For me films more like a science and not a hobby and I detest politics. But if there are two people whom I feel emotionally inclined then they are Sanjay Dutt and Rajiv Gandhi. While Sanjay reflects some of the growing up pangs I have gone thru, Rajiv (me and I guess many of us of my age) was the big bright hope of India. I still remember the first press conference he held in US – smart, suave, charming, clean – He was like a breath of fresh air compared to the pot bellied, corrupt politicians you are used to.

Unfortunately he got bombed, and I am praying that Sanju lives happily ever after and my kids grow up seeing Munnabhai 2 / 3 / 4 / 5…….God Bless u pal!

My Scrapbook 1

Recently, I was part of a program in which we shot retail executives telling what their dreams / favorite things / stars / holiday etc. Seeing them on the screen I felt it would be an interesting entry in my blog. I have titled it 1, as I don’t think I will have time to finish all of it in one shot.

Who influences me and why? If there were turning points / change in altitude / perspective then I can list down 2 chapters in my life.

The first phase was what I call the questioning phase - Ayn Rand, Floyd, and UG (U G Krishnamurthy).

During college days and often in my early working days when you hit the road in the morning and come back exhausted, these were my strong bed partners especially UG. He was (and is) still the toughest one to understand. I don’t think I have understood his thoughts completely but it ignited something in your mind. The unanswered / unexplained always fascinated me and that’s where UG settled in nicely raising some more questions, but not giving any answers.

Ayn Rand’s philosophy brought the expected change from a rabble-rouser who believed in experimenting with anything and everything in life to a more objective and rational approach in life. It changed me from a gang leader who fought for a cause to a more self-centered person. I started looking at life from an individual’s perspective – from what I can / I want and hence I will do it. That “will” to master the impossible, to be perfect in whatever I do is something I owe it to her.

Floyd was (and still) is the eternal companion in times of despair. It’s a romance I can’t let go. Smoke filled rooms, table lamp in the corner and floyd on the speaker. All rock bands – Jim Morrison, Deep Purple, GNR, Aerosmith…..used to get played in my room but ultimately it was Floyd who reined till the wee hours in the morning. Every now and then when nothing in the world makes sense I still turn to them (More on that – A tribute to Floyd, will upload later)

The second phase I guess was when I got introduced to Ravi Shankar in the year 2001, probably the worst phase of my life. There are times in life, when you suddenly realize the futility of it all when you stop questioning because you know there are no answers. When you get the feeling that you have everything still nothing can save you…. because the final call is not in your hand. You can only be a part of this entire game called life and you ask yourself “Is there a better way to live life?”

As an individual, I never believed in God (I still don’t) and hated guru’s how the hell can someone be so blind to be led by an individual and put up their poster and pray them, but I had lot of unanswered questions since my child hood which nobody could answer. Simple stupid question – Why is cow a holy cow? Why is their sexual nudity outside temples? Why do we fast during Puja? Why the ceremonies in puja / marriage etc. Everything was a comparison to the western culture “who” (in my mind) never did all this and still achieved so much.

My introduction to the “Art of Living” Foundation course for 7 days and subsequent introduction to Ravi Shankar & discourses answered many of these questions and calmed me down a lot. I won’t say I have found the meaning of life but yes lot of it is making sense.

I will close with something which Ravi says in one of his discourses , “Spirituality is not like a paper back novel which you pick up from a book store and start reading and hence experience enlightenment. The person needs to go through some pain, dissatisfaction something, which ignites that search ….to find the meaning of life, otherwise you don’t need it. If life’s on a roll, why bother.”

My belief is that, while there are philosophers / writers / singers / gurus who you will read / hear / see but the biggest influence is you & only you - you don’t know how much you can learn if you just pull back and mull over things, talk, discuss, read, explain, spend time with your family, put things in perspective.

But yes, you need to give time to them and yourself to start walking in this road to discovery.

Happy Father’s Day

In principal, I don’t believe in all these days – Mother’s Day, Father’s day, Valentine Day etc. I think they are the products of a marketing machine and gimmicky. But I do indulge in them at times. Maybe a special dinner on a valentine’s day or generally push my kids to make a card and give them a special treat.

Being a father these days is not easy; I think the most precious commodity, which a father lacks in today’s world, is a simple four-letter word TIME. Between his meetings and travels and hundred other things which he does – that constant thought / nagging “that I have not spent enough time with my kids”.

Even this week I could not take them to see Shrek 3 - that’s my thought – REAL & LIVE. I can probably write a one pager on why that was not possible ……but then the weekend has gone and we start afresh with our daily battle

But, actually if you take a peek into your kids mind – the 5 minutes you spend at the bus stop to drop her or to be there at the school when the school re-opens a simple samosa which u can share with them when u come back from office, might mean a lot more than an exhilarating vacation.

For the young ones these moments snatched from the jaws of a hurried lifestyle are a memory they will treasure for their life. While those big movies, picnics and vacations can keep on happening don’t miss out on these moments. Because the clock won’t turn back, and the day is not far when they start chasing their dreams and you start wishing – “if they could spend just 5 minutes a day with me”.

Below, is a nice video, which actually triggered the thought for this note? What is the meaning of time – What does time means to each one of us? The same 2 hrs, which you spend with your kid, may just hold two diametrically opposite meaning to you and your kid.

http://www.tacmovie.com/ - (For all the hurried professional, and those who lack time – this is a bit long but don’t miss the end…Cheers! Hope u had a chance to wish your Dad or get wished by your kids)

The India Poised Story

Just finished reading “Transmission” - Hari Kunzru, and prior to that "The world is flat” - Thomas Friedman".

Both had today's technology (and technological lifestyle - e-mailing not writing, chatting not talking, blogging, etc) as a backdrop, but diametrically opposite in their concept. While Transmission was a fiction (but very much possible or probably have happened somewhere) it looked at the disaster one man can cause if he wants to, Flat looked at a scenario when a small invention in Bangalore can impact the biggest company in US.

While the books were written few years back, Transmission got lost after getting few good reviews, Flat still features in the bestsellers list (at least in the Indian book stores). Also in some sense Flat is more of a factual account of things which are happening around the world and trying to put certain hypothesis in place, while Transmission is more like getting into one individual’s mind and how it works. If the question – what motivates a hacker, why the hell someone actually writes a virus crosses your mind, you will enjoy the book.

What I liked about Transmission is that it beautifully portrayed how this entire euphoria of being connected, India Shining is taking it’s toll on simple middle class families.

The juxtaposition of suppressed feelings of a young middle class person who is very capable / intelligent / sincere, who is growing up bombarded by these India shining images and at some point of time a decision is made in his mind. “If I can get that Computer Science (BE / BTECH) degree I can go to US or get a call center job (which his sister tries) I can get out of this middle class ghetto which I have been living for last 15 years.”

How to escape from this he creates his own world – writing small programs and trading them with different people across the world. How he has a pseudonym under which he starts operating and creates his own identity in the Internet underground. How he goes to US by paying money to a body shopper; reaches US to get dumped in a ghetto of 10 other Indians. All of them, waiting for that all-important line “You are hired”. When he does get a job, he gets chucked out because the company is closing down. From there on the story is a dream like state, where in the destructive mind takes control and runs havoc on the entire eco system.

It’s actually true for millions of Indians – when I passed out my Engineering way back in I991. I think except for 10 odd guys everybody would be in US. But what happens there is actually not known or understood by many. End of the day, what matters is that the dollars are coming in. Yes, probably 10% of them would have become stars in the Silicon Valley, rest of them are coding their way to the banks with nice car, houses etc etc.

“The world is flat” – in a way talks a lot of Indians who belong to that elite Silicon Valley group. But, it also talks about small, small companies / call centers / software developers based out of Pune, Bangalore, Gurgaon which are actually helping manage large corporate in US.

It also talks about how corporate are using technology to do the impossible. The kind of examples he gave while establishing his hypothesis made interesting sorry riveting read. At times it almost felt like science fiction, but it is actually happening in some part of the world.

For example – In Wal Mart, the technology is so live that the supply chain actually knows when a customer picks up a diaper so that it can send a signal to manufacturing to start making it…

As some one who is in throes of implementing CRM n Loyalty Program, lot of questions came to my mind – What kind of thinking would have gone behind it? How did they scope out the entire thing - panning across countries and millions of times? Was it a natural progression? How do they manage efficiencies, breakdowns?

Reading the book reminded my interactions with someone from HLL. How his brief’s / meetings / discussions was always to always think big and beyond the ordinary. From him I learnt this concept of thinking big, dreaming big, striving for that one objective which u and team / company can share. Once that seeps in rest of it just putting processes in place and executing it.

PS:U can look at all the flatteners Friedman talks about here - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_World_is_Flat

The Importance of the word "I"

The only time an author and his/her philosophy talked about it was Ayn Rand. Her philosophy of objectivism/ selfishness - me before others was a staple of many discussions but for most of us middle class folks, it was easier to fall in the usual BE / MBA – well paying corporate life than chase our dreams.

Why am I talking about it today?

Because, I am at a stage when my I is scattered around me – I can see its shadows in my children, my parents my wife and my extended family.

Because, after 7 years of married life I know the weekend list of groceries, financial discussions, furniture, food ……is as much of part of your life as the food you eat, air you breathe and the water you drink.

Because, after 12 years of living a corporate life – when the caffeine took precedence over lunch, brands you were managing over the brands you ate, boss’s deadline over your celebrating new year at a beach…………………I realize it’s time you give it back to ‘I”

Because, there are 2 tiny souls who have not seen their 10th birthday and I don’t want them to nurse a drink at the age of 37 and listen to Desperado (by Eagles) and heave a sigh of relief thinking….”how could these guys…echo my feeling”.

Sitting beside a pool…seeing them splash / jump / scream…. started the same question of I, something I had grappled with when I first read Ayn Rand 20 yrs back.


But, this time the take was completely different!

We have heard of mid-life crisis but I thought it is a wonderful mid-life opportunity – imagine 2 kids around you who are just discovering the word I – what they can do with their tiny feet and hands, their mind, their instincts.

Their mind carries no prejudice, so no unlearning to be done. Their body knows no limits until they actually do something. Their mind and body is in complete sync…. they can sleep in 2 seconds flat or wake up at 2 am to solve a Math puzzle. They don’t have discussion on how many hours of sleep is needed, when they want to sleep they just sleep.

But for people like us, we are still part of the vicious cycle of earn more – live more on one side and think more – do less on the other side. How many times have we heard “Gosh I am 35” or “I have spent 3 years in the same project / job / 3 years without a vacation etc.

It’s easy to fall into the rut of 9 to 9 and just go on living life without stepping into I. For most of us, 12 hrs of our day is occupied by phone call, meetings, traveling (read our job). After we shut down the ubiquitous PC, most of the bachelors and spinsters don’t know what to do. Book or any other sensible hobby requires dedication and passion (read looking into and being objective about I). Those who are married probably think. “Where are those days, when we could just go out for a drink”… without thinking of attendance at home.

But in both cases – slowly as we age and move ahead in life, the objectivity of the word I start declining and sometimes it is completely lost.

And, it’s difficult to be as objective about I as you were at the age of 17. When I speak to lot of my friends / colleagues, the feeling is that of “being their done that” / going on / “pulling along. Mostly, the question is “At this age do I really want to re-discover the lost I”?

Also, unlike kids, the unlearning process is the difficult part –

“Can I swim at the age of 37 weighing a ton” VS “Come on Dad! Just Jump, move your hand n u will float…” is the choice.

I don’t know about others, as far as I am concerned…I jumped and I know for the next 10 years (probably rest of my life) I will be kicking and living a much richer life…Thanks kids!

I have been wanting to write about this movie for a long time.

From the day when I was stuffed with 20 other film fanatics to understand the nuances of film making in a film appreciation workshop in Mumbai ..my whole outlook towards film making had changed. After that whenever I saw a film I would relate to -the screenplay/sequence/music / climax / characterisation/the technology . . ..and so on and so forth.

For me if I enjoy a film (or a book) the end is not after the last shot. It's actually the start to understand the director - bios / background / filmography etc etc.

Crash - This is one film which in my mind was almost perfect. From the first screen to the last - it was almost like symphony. How the characters & the incidents mesh in the end. The characters and their background - the subtle explanation of why each of them are the way they are (without getting into a flashback).

The task was difficult especially with so many characters and each of them having their own stories to say.....If u see Salaam Namaste....u can realize what a mess it can become.

I have never read a Japanese author - fiction. I finished "Kafka on the Shore" by Haruki Murakai last week and it was riveting to say the least. Initially it was quite difficult to keep a track of the Japanese names ,places etc but after I got into the flow the journey was quite exhilarating. A good description of the book can be found at: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kafka_on_the_Shore

What I found interesting was probably the cocktail mix of Magic realism (human talking to cats) - some unexplained phenomenon like UFO and fishes falling from the sky. All this sound's quite bizzare....but some how it all fall into place in the 500 pages journey. Although I was slightly disappointed by the last 100 pages. I thought the end dragged a bit.

Anyways I am looking forward to reading at least 2 more of his books - The wind up bird chronicle & Norwegian Wood - both of the supposed to be cult books from the author - Haruki Murakami.

The Circle of Life


The circle of life,
Makes us move so fast, but
After a while,
You keep seeing things from past.

Every time you take two steps ahead.
After a while, you seem to have taken, two steps behind.

Every time you think you have progressed.
After a while, you seem to have regressed.

There are times,
When everything give me a sense of dejavu’?
A feeling that, I am seeing images from past
Repeating itself flawlessly…..
The smile, the tears, the argument, the banter…..

It makes me think,
Are we living in a world of illusion?

Trying to move, while we are actually still
Trying to find a solution, when there is no problem.
Trying to understand life, while it’s all just a game

That,
After a while,
The lines will meet again, and repeat the circle of life.

What does one do!
Enjoy the time and space, before the line meets again.
Withdraw from the game of joining lines……….and the circle of life.

A new beginning - 2007
(pic taken in Nainital/Dec - 2006)

The last post I made was on the eve of Durga Puja. Almost 3 months have passed since I could make an entry. I have been busy moving around - while the net and PC was handy, didn't really have the inclination to put in my thoughts.

Moved to Bangalore, in the middle of October, last few months was a very rare experince - moving to a new city (we could not understand the local language) / setting up a house / finding a place to shop / getting used to a new culture - work atmosphere.......I realized The power of brand when we were struggling as customers who could not speak the language and had no clue on the markets.
As a consumer, both me and wife felt - Big Bazaar, is the best choice - we will get everything there and as they always promise - CHEAPEST STUFF. (It was a different thing that we volunteered to drive down 7 km's and experiences chaos which was 100 times worse than our Sabka Bazaar). Read about the experience in my new blog http://mysteryshopper007.blogspot.com/.

Cheers! n Wish u all have a great year ahead.....