Wonder Years

Cycle & Puddle

Being in and out of Zoom I thought of taking in the fresh air and went for a walk in my common balcony which overlooks ISRO quarters. It had rained in Bangalore and the evening sun was yet to shut and peeked from behind the clouds, the breeze was refreshing and I could feel it on my face especially after a 3 hr session.

While I was feeling tired and exhausted I could see 3 kids 6-7 year old, shouting and screaming at the top of their lungs. I discovered that each of them were trying to outdo each other by riding their cycle into a large puddle of water in the centre of the ground. They were neatly dressed in the best of the evening dress which their parents would have made them wear before they went out. But they were undeterred with their dress code - they were there to have fun. Well as long as the puddle lasts or there parents call them in.  

The Swim

The chilly weather had deterred most of us from going for a swim in our pool. Going down to do daily grocers in the lift, the door opened and in came a 5 year with bright orange swimsuit, with caps & & enough padding in her hand so she won’t swim. 

Going for a swim ?

Ya, Why are you not ? She asked.

Well, it’s very cold and I am old ? I said

She looked at me and said - It’s not cold, it feels cold once when you enter but after that it’s fun.

Wanna Come ?

Maybe tomorrow!

Well I will swim now ! She gave me a big toothless smile and waved me bye :)

 

You can read of the philosophy doled out by books or just look  around & experience it.

Living in the Moment & Loving every Moment. Thanks kids :)

Day 24: 200 words/day challenge (307 words)

Middle Class Values

I have 1 ½ digestive biscuits with my morning cuppa. Today I had one & opened a small tiffin box which had crumbs of the biscuit collected & stored carefully when the pack was opened, so that they don’t get wasted. 

In the bathroom the toothpaste tube was squeezed so much that nothing came out of it & I had to throw it & we will keep an upturned body wash bottle so that every single drop is used.

When we make tea or open a milk packet we ensure that the vessel or pack is rinsed and used.

As I dig my heels into the zero waste journey, a smile comes to my face as I start appreciating these middle class values which were cultivated and became a habit with all of us who grew up in the 70's / 80’s with a scarcity atmosphere in our lower middle class household. Thanks to my parents' vision I can afford an abundant atmosphere in my home but these values are so intrinsic that they have stayed & will stay forever. 

We were lucky that both my daughters passed out of Rishi Valley where these values were ingrained further by their visits to villages, field trips and appreciation of a sustainable lifestyle. The impact can be seen in their vision / direction of what they want to do in their career.

The other side of this is the clutter we have in our house, we have cushions which we have not used for the last 10 years or a broken exercise cycle or a cupboard full of toys, shoes and clothes kept for emotional reasons. If there is space we keep it is the dictum and these are sensitive areas especially with 3 grown women in my home.

When baba was battling cancer and was staying with us for the last 2 years - everything he needed was in 2 suitcases, one had woolen and the other his normal clothes. As the family lore goes when he left his village in 1965 he only had his clothes on.

After he passed away, we donated his clothes, but his memory lives on and inspires me. 

Day 23: 200 words/day challenge (361 words)

Postscript: Try this app https://www.freeup.app/#/ to reduce your clutter (you can give away your cloths and also earn in the process)

On Meditation

 

In isolation it’s a wow, but there are times I still suffer from emotional trauma and anxiety. Building mind muscle is tougher because the outcome is very transient - I would probably get one such scanty feeling in a week. But the secret is to persevere till your last breath because we all have fault lines.

You can only focus on the process and hope the outcome will happen. You can meditate but there is no guarantee that you will be at peace after that. The Dalai Lama even at his age & stature meditates for  3 - 4 hrs every day against my 10 mnts. Most of us think of meditation as sitting in lotus pose and finding a corner and cushion and many other accessories i.e .the right environment. But it’s actually an act of concentration which removes all clutter and brings your mind to focus on your breathing. I learnt about the power of breathing and mindfulness from Thich Nhat Hanh and his book The miracle of mindfulness. 

While I started on this a long time ago - in recent years what has helped his short meditation & deep breathing to control anger / anxiety or just letting go. There are also these zen like moments when I cook, or read a book or listen to music when your life seems to be flowing like a river uninterrupted. Even if these moments are scanty they are worth waiting for.

An old Zen saying says "Before enlightenment chop wood, carry water; After enlightenment chop wood, carry water". 

Day 22: 200 words/day challenge (262 words - barely made it. Phew!!)

Change is the only constant - The wife goes to office

 

So much has happened in the last 2 years due to covid that any kind of change is not seen as an intrusion or a diversion. We are used to cancelling tickets or pushing a plan further because of situations beyond our control.

But it has also created a comfort zone around anonymity & a strong discomfort of travelling to office - although my heart goes out for Bangalore commuters, but I am guessing it’s true for all big cities. It’s not the journey, it is the whole preparation which begins the day before. Starting with an alarm & a checklist of things to carry - starting from spectacles to your ubiquitous chargers - there are so many of them now that you tend to forget some always

Almost 70% of people I have spoken to have argued with me that this is a complete waste of time. The simple argument is - if it has been done for the last 2 years, why can’t we continue. 

To understand the reason we have to go back to the time when we put our kids in play school. Why on earth would someone send a kid to school when she is comfortable at home? The simple answer by most parents was interactions (physical interactions) but the deeper insight was this need to push them out and face the world - within the boundaries of a secure environment. After a few days you start wondering about all the new words (language)the kid has learnt or the different foods she has tasted or some creative work she has done. 

If only we could take out the tyranny of commuting and the bosses who want you to stay because well they want to stay - I think going to the office is an amazing experience. 

My days in Titan were marked with some very interesting & inspiring conversations in the huge cafeteria - one of them led to running marathons, many of them led to exchanging movies & books (I discovered Murakami & subsequently introduced him to many). We would take a walk after lunch and would discuss varied things - one of them was about the plot of a book which someone intended to write & one got me the passes for Ruhaniyat. 

Bongo Songo - A group of bongs that were created when colleagues of my wife got together and I the husband joined - some of my best memories are partying late into the night and feeding a 6 year old while the other discussed office politics. I loved these sessions & they are probably best friends I have in Bangalore

At some point I will write about more office fun reminiscences about my ad agency days & but the point I wanted to make is this : Yes there is the whole objective and rational side of going to office elaborated and told to us ad nauseum - that we can collaborate better. 

But for me it’s the softer side which will take me back to office & not the rational side. For all the apprehension she had a smile on her face when she came back. 

Day 21: 200 words/day challenge (507 words)

Walk on the beach

 

The sun was setting in the sprawling - endless and very sparsely populated beach of Baga. We frolicked a bit in the water as we were not allowed to go in because of the monsoon and the water looked dangerous. In my frame of vision the land was tiny and the ocean was huge, personally I have never seen such an angry ocean - & the vastness of it scared me. Now I could visualise what a tsunami can do. 

As I turned I saw three kids safely perched on the front porch of one of the shacks making their sand castles with the pink colored buckets and shovel. Completely unaware and not bothered about the image I saw in my mind.

Their parents were busy as always photographing the kids - capturing snapshots which will become memories and will be seen, discussed and replayed many times, every time they come to Goa or go to any beach.

For a long time I just saw the setting sun casting its glittering sunlight on the ocean and heard the roar of the ocean loud and clear and experienced the strong breeze. Water would come and immerse part of me and then go away.

My mind was blank for a long time - no memories came to me nor did any thoughts. It was just the sea and me. How long can I be like this ? Can we live without memory, on a day when I lost my father it must be the most stupidest question to ask or Is it ?

Day 20: 200 words/day challenge (220 words)

Postscript: https://jkrishnamurti.org/content/memory-thought-and-illusion-continuity-0/MEMORY (Listen to this talk on memory) 

The tunneL

The sun finally came out, I could see aquamarine sky and large rolling clouds passing by from my balcony. The squirrels were busy tidying themselves up after a long spell of rain. The tree trunks are drenched, in fact some of them have green algae on their trunks. The eagles were soaring high above in the clouds effortlessly. The sun cast its sunlight on the trees and part of it was lit  - the shaking leaves and swaying branches made it a beautiful sight to behold. 

It was an unusually quiet day for reasons best left unwritten here but also probably because my mind was numb and dazed. How does one celebrate a death anniversary ? On baba’s 1st death anniversary I followed the rituals which only emptied my pocket and transferred 20,000 + cash to the pandit & I had never felt so cheated in my life. Subsequent years I donated money to a charity and in the last 2 years it became another day where I prayed in the morning and carried on with my work. I thought about him, visualised him and wrote about him.

Is that all ? I asked myself. 

Lot of existential questions had surfaced when I was in flight between Bangalore - Delhi - Assam to do the last rites. What am I doing with my life? What is my sense of purpose?  Is all of this really worth it? I made my peace by putting financial objectives in front of me. 

4 years on, the end is visible but hazy like the end of the tunnel which you can see from your window seat as the train rushes by. 

Will there be a station beyond the tunnel where I can get down? 

Day 19: 200 words/day challenge (284 words)

4 years of separation

Remembering baba

It has been 4 years since he passed away today. While I remember him everyday and ask for his blessings, today especially is a day when the memory of the fateful day comes back and floods you with a strong sense of sadness and finality. With a clear rational knowledge that we cannot turn back the clock and bring him back, the only way to remember him is his memory. Here are some of the fond ones.

Matu Kaka

It’s impossible to explain it in english or hindi but the story goes that when he came back for his furlough from the Air Force he had brought a bag load of this fruit which the kids enjoyed and after that he was known as Matu Kaka (uncle in bengali) to everyone. No one called him Bijoy, which was his real name. Generally a daak naam (nick name) is given at childhood so that the person can be easily called / fetched - Imagine calling Rituparno, Biswajeet. He is probably the only one I know whose name was given when he was 20+

True citizen of Air Force 

His allegiance to the Forces was very deep. Even with stage 3 cancer he would drag me to CGHS for approval of treatment so that the chemotherapy can be done at Manipal & he even got his operation done from there and had complete faith in the doctor who was operating on him. He was on his feet on the 3rd day. This despite the fact that the process like any government organisation was time taking and used to take us ½ a day just to get the approval done - but he was very clear this was his right because of the service he had given. 

Open Minded:

Although born around independence he was still one of the most open minded people regarding everything, education, marriage, smoking n drinking etc. He was not the typical Aamrish Puri you see in DDLJ and many other hindi movie dads. Most of the relatives despite the age barrier (lower side or upper side) treated him like a friend and confidant’. The respect he drew from people around him was immense - everyone listened to him in his village and villages around him. He was the wise one and always gave an even perspective.

Networked, Perfectionist and Passionate

He had all the traits of a founder. He was very passionate about his work and was known for his diligence & ownership. I learned a lot just by looking at him and hearing about his work and mostly his cooking where he will tirelessly go on perfecting the special sweets one would make during sankranti. And these were some of the traits I tried to imbibe in me when I started my work life. He spoke less but spoke after a few drinks (this also I imbibed from him :) and once told me ‘it doesn’t matter what you do, but be the best in that’ - I don’t remember when he told this to me but this line somehow is etched in my mind.

Personal Attention & Care    

He really cared deeply about people around him - whether it’s folks in the village or few of his friends who were around in Delhi. His involvement was complete - I remember one of my cousin telling me that her husband surfers from diabetes & how for the 30 day vivit to her place he made him walk for 28 days, the first 2 days was spent in buying him a pair of shoe and lowers so he had no reason not to walk.

But having written the above passages just to get some load off my chest & clear my head I wondered what would be one line to summarise him, what would his tombstone say, what would be an epitaph - Do your best. Now I rest.   

Day 18: 200 words/day challenge (637 words)

Being Secular

I have never read or heard any political debates, at best I would skim through the headlines & despite my ignorance and lack of interest I have been reading so much about harassment of minority and those who raise their voice against the government that I started doubting our secular notions and concluded that we are moving towards a hindu rashtra. Putting the religious color aside, I was disturbed the harassment and injustice which many people have gone through, especially journalists. 

One of the articles which was much in the news was about the lookout circular against Aakar Patel who was the CEO of Amnesty International. My introduction / awareness about him was limited to a section in Hindu magazine in which he reviews a classic & the reviews of his 2 books - Our Hindu Rashtra & The price of Modi Years. 

So it was interesting to hear him on the Seen and Unseen Show where he was the guest and hear his views on journalism and the functioning of Modi government and how big decisions were made or how he deals with the constant battle he is fighting with the establishment - as we speak his passport is impounded and he cannot travel. 

His knowledge on journalism / media industry and the political machinery was phenomenal and although I am someone who ran away from political news - I ended up listening to the entire episode. What I liked was that most of what he was saying was based on facts, his opinions or future predictions were not different from the business scenarios we would make in corporate.

In a strange twist of fate I was listening to him in Goa which is predominantly roman catholic state driven by a Muslim which had idols of Hindu God & Goddess on the dashboard because the taxi belonged to a HIndu. 

I ended the podcast & my taxi ride with a strong sense of hope for India’s future. Amen! Insha'Allah! Jai Shri Ram.   

Day 17: 200 words/ day challenge (323 words)

Floods 2

My first stint after engineering was in Kolkata & after MBA in Mumbai & currently I reside in Bangalore. All these 3 cities experience flooding which has it’s own peculiarity.

Kolkata:

These were the days of limited means and I would use the mini buses to travel from Ballygunge to Park Street. Today I cannot imagine getting squeezed into minibuses to go to my office. But those were early days of work and we were students by heart and salesmen only as a profession. So it was all taken in the spirit of experience. 

When we would get wet, we would not go inside and just hang on the food board so that our clothes dry up before we reach the office with dry clothes. These were also the days of drinking for any reason - sorrow, happiness or rain. Any kind of rain would invariably end with let’s enjoy the rains & buy a qtr (old monk) - which we camouflaged in our raincoats and ordered egg-chicken roll and had a party on the road side. Being a dog friendly bunch invariably we will feed part of the roll to the wet and sad looking dogs who nobody cares about. Of course after a few swigs, the comparison was inevitable by someone who is feeling neglected (which is always the case in any group) that we are no better off than the dogs. This will of course lead to the next Qtr and so on.

One of the funny incidents (now I feel sad when I think about it) was when our lane was flooded - we opened the floor and there was a river outside.In 92 there were still rickshaws which were pulled by men and we had to call one of them to ferry us out of the house to the bus stop. 

Mumbai:

In Mumbai, carrying a folding umbrella and losing it multiple times was a constant worry. Those were the pre-laptop & pre backpack days and one would carry just a small bag just to squeeze into the local trains. There were umpteem times when we got drenched in rain and managed to reach home in that condition, but there was one time when the train stopped near Mahim as Mahim creek was overflowing and we had to get down from the train. On the track we found scorpions and snakes which were as lost as we were. After wading through knee deep water - I found a bus and managed to reach near Bandra and walked the rest of the way home.

Bangalore: 

In Bangalore the worst incident was when our basement was flooded and water went inside my car. It was a harrowing experience on the 15th August where for 2 days there was  no water & power and hence no lift and drinking water and loo water - so one can understand the predicament of 200+ families. It was funny that we were using buckets to fill water from the swimming pool and then ferrying them. Few families shifted out. I should add that other parts of Bangalore have gone through worse.

In another incident as my car waded through the water through a dug up road - my mudguard of my car was yanked because of some construction material which was hidden inside the water. 

Bangalore / Mumbai / Delhi / Silchar - All cities I have stayed in get constantly flooded. Every season, the degrees might vary and it is assumed that the system is broken and it cannot be fixed. Just yesterday we were crossing an unfinished flyover near Koramangala which was started when my daughter was in class XIIth - 4 years back and it is estimated that it will take another 2 years for 1 ½ - 2 km flyover. That’s the speed of development, if we can call it.

With WFH at least the travesty of driving in a pothole riddled roads and never-ending traffic jams took a backseat. Not for long though