Relatives and the importance of keeping in touch….

I hated the word relative always from the age of 15 maybe a bit earlier. In those days relationships meant constant bickering, fights for no reason, mistrust, and brawls on silly things which actually led families apart. Most of the time I would either shut myself in a room or plug my headphones or just run.

I kept running till recently my wife announced, let’s make a trip to Cal, our kids need to meet up with their cousins, nieces, jhetus, kakimas. Mama dadu etc (these are Bengali words – in English all male is uncle and femaie is aunties). Since Sikkim was thrown in and I would get to eat all varieties of fish and sweets I gave in.

I never valued relationships beyond my immediate ones – my wife and kids and my parents and at the max my wife’s parents. Yes, if anybody needs help I am there but never made an effort. This time I made an effort and met up with few of them after 15 year. It was nice to see them, each of them have kids who are going to engineering college, somebody finishing graduation, somebody finding a job. It almost felt like a movie which was running and suddenly the power went off and the power came after 15 years.

In the return flight we got chatting and my wife was telling about what each one of her relative had gone thru and how the relationships exist or don’t exist between each of these couples. It was amazing….the story was not very different in most of the households – lot of struggle, few bitter experience, fights / misunderstanding between couples – relatives, most kids are out of their nest …building their own but still trying to keep in touch with their past.

As the plane touched down, I realized that no relationship is perfect but it’s important to be connected and be in touch with your extended family. The importance of bonding / sharing / spending time with our own people is drastically coming down for our kids. We as parents focus more on the kids going for piano-basketball-ballet class than just sitting and gossiping with their cousins.

Maybe these trips it will help the kids to be a bit more grounded than being the super efficient, focused nerds which they will anyway become!! Sigh!

Up and The princess and the frog

I don’t remember the first animation movie I saw, no not the spiderman variety which used to come in Doordarshan the “ANTZ”, Toy Story, Monster….and the entire PIXAR series. I just wanted to be part of it. Almost begging to myself do something to just be a part of this….Remember (or do u know?) Harrison Ford was a carpenter in some studio before he was choosen to play ?? in STAR WARS. I still have hope I used to think in those days….

Well days became years, Pixar keeps making movies and I keep my hopes afloat. See “UP” if you want to know what I mean. Story, concept, visual effect, dialogues OR see Princess and the frog. I came out of the film feeling fresh and nice and so did my kids. See these movies and you will let your worries go by.

It almost forces you to believe in fairy tales and live in it as opposed to face the harsh reality where your peace bubble can be shattered just by a phone call which forces you not to believe in the reality

It always make me wonder, what is a reality, “Is reality the life which we are living or the life which we dream to live?” Might look like a dumb question but ponder over it and you will realize that if not always but at times you would be ready to trade it for the cartoon characters and the 3 hr life, atleast I would.

First Rains

As I write this, sitting in an oven called 7^th floor in Bangalore in the garden city of India, I hear the first drops of rain the cold breeze which u can’t compare with the sanitized (bacteria free air as advertised by Samsung or LG or whatever) and the unique smell of rain on earth. I experience a joy, a spirit almost like a new beginning. A feeling which sparse writers like us feel when suddenly we get an idea and want to write nonstop till wither the idea is consumed or you get consumed…

One of my haunting memories of first rain is that of “sitting at Marine Drive and watching the dark clouds form almost like a battalion getting ready for an attack and they start moving towards you slowly and slowly….till it hits you and you are drenched again and again and again….but we keep sitting and let the rain hit us again and again and again till it loses and walks away…..But we waited for the next shower …and hoped that it will help resolve things between us and the world at large….”

Walking By....

I walk daily to office. I meet Chinese, Americans, Indians of course and smoking battalions who are banished from the office, who stand in the pavement and spew smokes on us innocent passersby. I keep seeing similar faces once, twice, 3 months, 6 months…sometimes they smile, and sometimes I do. Same tea shops, same cops, same beggars only trees are being cut down to accommodate more people passing by….

Above: 2 contrasting pics. Trees cover the entire stretch of road (100ft road Indranagar, Bangalore) and provide shadow for passers by VS trees cut and kept near a petrol pump (Airport Rd, Bangalore) ready to be shipped and converted to fuel….

The Joy of giving…

These days I am petrified by birthdays and anniversaries. Will they like the gift? Has she read the book ? There is this entire performance oriented culture has taken the joy of gifting. Fortunately the kids and the grandparents are still not affected by it.

Today when my parents came home after 1 year, they got some knick knacks which might not have any commercial value but the warmth and the glee which it spread across the household i.e. among the children was a treat to watch. While me and wife rationalized on the product – “color is so unique”, this is “easy and comfortable” to wear to office. Kids went all around the block showing off the plastic rings, hair bands, glow balloon or whatever they could lay their hands.

Reflecting on their smile and action I thought “they were enjoying the moment” while “we were waiting for the moment to come so that we can enjoy it”…..Don’t know when will it come though.

Why didn’t I have a teacher like this ?

Last weekend we went for a walk in Lal Bagh organized by “Bangalore walk”. Me, wife and my 10 and 7 yr old daughters. We wanted to do this for a long time but somehow as it always happens with DI2K (Double Income 2 kids) like us time is only an illusion which we realize only once it’s gone. Oh! The weekend is gone…..Damn the vacation is over and we are sitting on our..you know what.

So we dragged ourselves out of our bed at 5 am in the morning and somehow managed to get ourselves in front of the huge rock in Lal Bagh. At 7 05, we found an elderly gentleman squeezing his car (With great difficulty) between 2 previously parked cars, pull himself out and carrying 2 quite heavy bags move towards the big rock. That was the meeting point.

He introduced himself and laid down a few rules and started talking….For next 3 hrs we learnt about the oldest rock in the world, (which was the big rock in front of us), why Muslims build gardens, preservation of seeds, tipu sultan and history of bangalore, naming of trees, perfection in natural world, pollination, types of bees, how seeds were transferred in ancient world, half the food we eat and plants we see are actually from around the world..…etc. All this as we were walking with this elderly gentleman for almost 3 hrs.

When we all reached MTR and had our grand breakfast,.he told us that he was neither a historian, nor a botanist as most of us thought…he was just an engineer running his own business.

I was fascinated, that 3 hr talk on plants, seeds, made me my wife and our kids (they were only 50% into it most of the time they were busy touching “touch me not’s” and catching butterflies) wanted me to learn more about botany than anything. We never knew botany can be so interesting. Unconsciously even now if I stand in the balcony or see a tree in full bloom I look at it with a feeling which is almost humane. I know it will be difficult to cut a tree even if somebody puts a gun in my head and orders me to.

I looked back at my school days when I used to shudder at the thought of Botany, Biology. In fact I was so petrified in memorizing so many names, diagrams that I dropped Bio in 12^th and took Sanskrit. At least the books were thinner.

I wish I had teachers like this who made u love, respect and create a craving for a subject which would last a lifetime. Irrespective of age or the age difference, the group had people ranging from 25 – 40 leaving aside my kids.

On the contrary, when we asked him how his interest got generated….he said, when he was a kid and used to stay in Delhi, he had lot of free time during summer vacation and those days there were no TV, he had a huge library, so he read all possible books including the ones on botany, birds etc. He also had a huge garden where different types of birds used to migrate and stay in particular trees year after year. In a particular case he tied a note on a bird’s leg and wrote Delhi and next year when the same bird came back…there was a chit from Mongolia

The more I think about it I feel I want my daughters to let loose their imagination and do what they want to be. Just be…they will do something and discover their own stream. That’s the idealistic me just like I was telling my engineering batch mates whom I met after 19 year that before the sun sets I just want to back pack across the world…I don’t know how but I will do it.

But then there are these never ending practical arguments of CBSE vs ICSE boards, making our kids competitive and I just go back to my corner and read a book or open NGC / Discovery to be one with the world which I can’t touch in real….but only feel in my heart.

Power of Net

This is for those who have the access and the bandwidth and of course the inclination....Saw OSCAR on the net along with replying mails and taking calls. In the process also saw some of the clips of previous year's oscar.

Shortlisted a few movies which I wanted to see - Got Invictus & Precious will get Hurt Locker tomorrow.

Clicked a link and found a site where we can see online movies for free and these are classics like Roshomon from Kurosawa, or classic french, german movies etc.

All in the span of 24hrs and no I am not 23 yrs old I am 40. Can I do this for a living.....Amen~!

PS: In last 3 years all my travel tickets, hotel reservations and ocassionally ordering of food has happened on the net. My wife is a google map addict whether is an audi where a play is playing or we have to go a jungle lodge which is in the midst of jungle (obviously!!)....

Both my kids 10 yrs and 7 yrs have e-mail account, they chat and they have just started a blog. Thank god, they have not asked the above question (see pic)

Up in the air & Avatar 3D IMAX effect

The OSCAR connection made me grab the DVD, last time I was in CMH rd, Bangalore hoping that the quality was good and thank god! It was. Liked it but not exactly was super wowed by it. I am one of those list maniacs…need to see all the Oscar movies and those gets nominated for cannes etc. Last time, after a long gap of 3 – 4 months I saw Wrestler, Milk, Benjamin…..and all 3 were masterpieces in it’s own right. (More about them in another post sometime….)

It’s a nice story about recession and how a person’s job is to go to various organizations and tell them on their face that “You don’t have a job from tomorrow.” And he has to say it because that organization does not have the guts to say it. It took some time for me to get a hang of the concept….but it was not about that.

The story is all about how a young rookie who joins the company and finds a much better way of sacking people (by a third party remember pls). Her plan: Set up a call center, have a video conference call and sack the person. Advantage: You save on travel, hotel bills and cover more ground in the same day. This is completely in contrary to what our man wants…He wants be the 7^th person in world to clock some 10 million miles, loves travelling for 300 odd days in a year has a membership and privileges of all the best hotels in US and hence his life is super efficient and super simple and of course he does not believe in marriages only kinky flings. He enjoy’s the luxuries / privileges which comes for free, has no accountability (unlike the people he sacks), he has to just go and tell them…"Tomorrow is your last day…so start packing…” See the contrast! It was quite stark actually.

So the usual learning, unlearning happens and our man start believing in relationships helps out his sister, the young rookie in her new job (she quits because one of the lady she served notice jumps from a bridge and kills herself.) By the end of the movie he is a changed man.

Net – Net: Storyline was quite predictable, acting was quite ok. I am sure the girls & women would be swooning over George Clooney’s charm and wit. I might be really a wrecker here but I am not a big George Clooney fan but I enjoyed his Ocean Series like I enjoyed Shahrukhs Om Shanti Om. (I am not a big fan of Shahrukh either) but the only movie where I found him different was Syrianna which was a movie with a message and some solid acting.

Just like SRK gets nominated for almost all Filmfare awards I guess the unemployment storyline and the message of hope gets the OSCAR juries nod.

On the contrary,

I just came back from Mumbai and saw Avatar in 3D IMAX, it’s just mind boggling. I saw it for the second time. The first was also in 3D but there is just no comparison between 3D and 3D IMAX. You can only experience it to believe that a movie can be made in that scale and with that vision and detailing. See it to believe it. That’s what I mean by the OSCAR effect. And yes I will be rooting for it.

I will not regret the late night "Avatar" show after my work in Mumbai although I had an early morning flight to catch, but “Up in the sky” ....well, it kept me wrapped in some nice thoughts for a while before I drifted off to sleep. Anyways good look Clooney bhai may the best man win.

Holi - Convenience & Traditions

This year Holi was on Monday which was not a holiday (being in Bangalore). Natasha Appartments that confluence of culture thanks to the IT brigade and dominated by North Indians decided to play "Holi" in the morning and have the "Holika Dahan" at night. In real world "Holika Dahan" happens the previous day.

I was just reflecting on it and thought....Holi was never about ..holika dahan or victory of good over evil. It was always about convenience & fun over traditions.

When I was a kid it was about going all over the campus, having bhujiya, sweets, chota kids crying, bada kids doing dadagiri, the teenagers looking for their opportunities (I mean boys).

In college it was about bhang and it's after effects. Some one crying for 3 hours, someone holding on to a pole singing for hours and few of us in the mud n water tank. And yes lot of mis happenings. My IMT friends will remember....

This year, I didn't want to go down and put gulaal on peoples faces whom I hardly knew, so just put tikas on each other, kids went down had a blast came back completely drenched....

Above: A photograph of the way Holi is played in Delhi. This was 2004, ya that's me , reema and the kids...Gosh! I will never forget that one...

How talented a person can be ?

I saw Paa on 1st Jan and was awestruck with Amitabh's performance. I mean at times we can rave about a performance or a role and at times you just soak it in. It just goes inside and stays with you for a long time. This was one such movie. The only other riveting or intense performance of Amitabh (in recent years)I can think of was in Black.

About a week back I got hold of the Paa soundtrack and heard Amitabh sing "Mere Paa" and I was like..."I can't believe it." If you listen to the song the only image which will come to your mind is "Auro". That's when the title of my blog and the thought stuck me.

Above Pic: Along with Amitabh, we have Nikita who has been singing in choir for last 2 years and Joyeeta in her first. I can't act like Amitabh but I am a proud Paa who (as I have started believing today) has 2 daughter who have unlimited talents:-)

Choice & Trust

For as long as I remember the operative word for me has been “choice”. I think it followed the “objectivity” phase post Ayan Rand or maybe these were both sides of the same coin. Not very important really, but these words underpin my philosophy of life. 15 – 20 years back when you are fresh out of college you are experimenting with various things relationships, jobs, a different lifestyle, you are reading a lot, getting in with touch with lot of different individuals, trying to fathom their views. As you are do that you are filtering through your choices and forming an opinion of life and it’s expectations. In these years “choice and objectivity” were the primary drivers because these are rational choices you were making and trust followed only after you made the choice.

I call this the “western view”. We start believe that in a relationship, if things are not working out it’s better to tell quits than suffer go thru this daily verbal duel, mind game. But I have seen several divorce cases around me wherein both parties feel that they have exercised their choice too fast and probably they want to come back. I had a similar very strong view on arranged marriage. How can 2 individuals who don’t know each other can actually come together. It was an insane thought. Today most of us believe in this western view.

If you take the same example of arrange marriage or if you take the guru shishya concept or the concept of spiritual leaders like Buddha it was always trust first and then choice. You trust that the marriage is going out or a Buddha can lead to enlightment and hence choose him as a guru or master. It can never happen the other way round. Can you make a “choice” without having “trust”. Take any situation or an individual you are exercising a choice because you trust “that person or yourself” that it’s going to work out. I call this the “eastern view”.

At one level it sounds very basic but for me it was a paradigm shift because it has changed the way people look at me or what they want from me. It’s very easy for me to make a choice because I am making that choice and I want the other person to deliver (that’s the typical western way of looking at things “give me first and then I will give you” and that’s an easy equation to establish). But when somebody else is making you as a choice or choosing you it’s because they trust you to deliver. If you are not delivering you are actually betraying their trust (that’s the eastern way “I will honor your trust”). Just to make it more practical put yourself in a son, father, husband, boss’s (you as a boss) shoes and then try to look at the difference. I am sure most of us play these roles for the 80% of the day and probably things will be in perspective.

That does not stop me from me “making my choices” as an individual – I chose to write this post at 3 am because the thought have been knocking on my head for some time but I know I will still get up at 8am to wake up my kids for their badminton class which they should not miss because I don’t want to betray their “trust”.

Above: Joyee's interpretation of our dream home....probably inspired by her jaipur trip.

Growing up with Post It's

My kids are growing up with post it’s put up on the refrigerator – 12 rotis, cut pineapple, methi saag etc. They have a check list pasted on their cupboard – clean shoes, sharpen pencil, get your diary signed etc. They have processes on what instruction to be given to maid 1 and then to maid 2.

I take them out for movies, vacations, enroll them in hobby classes, buy them the best books, movies they want to see. Celebrate their birthdays the way they want. Spend as much time with them, cycling, talking to them, reading stories at night, having fun in trips etc etc. As far I am concerned they are top priority and rest everything else can wait. Both of us are at our wits end to manage life smoothly so much so that by the time

I am just not sure that a kid’s mind understands life as an equation. Wherein paragraph 1 is debit and paragraph 2 is credit. And both balance each other. So it’s a done deal. Often when I see them fight with me or my wife……these thoughts reverberate through my head like loose cannon balls, not for an hour / 2 hour but days….Are we are robbing them of their innocence? Are they growing up too fast? Do they despise this?

Because I know the answer to all the above questions is probably “yes”. I know I can’t control everything happening around me, so I try to control what I can and go in one of these guilt trips once in a while. I don’t hope / expect them to understand when they grow but I try and make them smile as much as I can….even if it makes me look like a fool in front of their friends.

Keep smiling girls! For me that’s the only thing matters and I will be there always…Good, Bad or Ugly.

Stop Asking Why?

2 yrs back my wife was detected with carpal tunnel syndrome and she was in terrible pain. Seeing her I was quite petrified and suddenly I became very very health conscious. In fact health became top priority and I got into the regime of morning exercise, yoga, sudarshan Kriya. In addition I started using a raised platform for keeping the laptop and using an external mouse etc.

On 4th Jan I got a test done and the doctor confirmed that I have “carpal tunnel syndrome” and tendinitis of thumb. I had gone to the doc because I had numbness in both my hand and my thumb was aching bad for some time now. The doc was quite clinical, “fix a date in the first week of Feb, we have to cut your wrist, and press a bit to loosen up few nerves, you will be off computer for 3 weeks after the operation. It is a small operation, will cost 50 grand approx and you will be out in a day or two.” Listening to the doc I almost felt like a robo speaking to me, I could have literally changed his face for a PC and the prescription would be the same.

In last 1 year 3 of my friends lost their father after trying their best to revive them for 4 to 5 months. They did their best (money was not an issue), the best doctors, best hospitals whatever money could buy but I am sure all through they were prepared for the eventuality. Then there is this famous case of SAP CEO, who was a marathon runner but tragically died of heart attack.

There are many instances like that when I realize the futility of all this future thinking. We can only try. Period. Nothing more nothing less.

For some time now, I have stopped asking why? Not out of a sense of futility, but more as an understanding that the present is what I have. Let me not cram it with a schedule which helps me prepare for the future.

Above: A beautiful picture from our room in Lovedale (sooo!!!! cute name) Ooty