Relatives and the importance of keeping in touch….

I hated the word relative always from the age of 15 maybe a bit earlier. In those days relationships meant constant bickering, fights for no reason, mistrust, and brawls on silly things which actually led families apart. Most of the time I would either shut myself in a room or plug my headphones or just run.

I kept running till recently my wife announced, let’s make a trip to Cal, our kids need to meet up with their cousins, nieces, jhetus, kakimas. Mama dadu etc (these are Bengali words – in English all male is uncle and femaie is aunties). Since Sikkim was thrown in and I would get to eat all varieties of fish and sweets I gave in.

I never valued relationships beyond my immediate ones – my wife and kids and my parents and at the max my wife’s parents. Yes, if anybody needs help I am there but never made an effort. This time I made an effort and met up with few of them after 15 year. It was nice to see them, each of them have kids who are going to engineering college, somebody finishing graduation, somebody finding a job. It almost felt like a movie which was running and suddenly the power went off and the power came after 15 years.

In the return flight we got chatting and my wife was telling about what each one of her relative had gone thru and how the relationships exist or don’t exist between each of these couples. It was amazing….the story was not very different in most of the households – lot of struggle, few bitter experience, fights / misunderstanding between couples – relatives, most kids are out of their nest …building their own but still trying to keep in touch with their past.

As the plane touched down, I realized that no relationship is perfect but it’s important to be connected and be in touch with your extended family. The importance of bonding / sharing / spending time with our own people is drastically coming down for our kids. We as parents focus more on the kids going for piano-basketball-ballet class than just sitting and gossiping with their cousins.

Maybe these trips it will help the kids to be a bit more grounded than being the super efficient, focused nerds which they will anyway become!! Sigh!

Up and The princess and the frog

I don’t remember the first animation movie I saw, no not the spiderman variety which used to come in Doordarshan the “ANTZ”, Toy Story, Monster….and the entire PIXAR series. I just wanted to be part of it. Almost begging to myself do something to just be a part of this….Remember (or do u know?) Harrison Ford was a carpenter in some studio before he was choosen to play ?? in STAR WARS. I still have hope I used to think in those days….

Well days became years, Pixar keeps making movies and I keep my hopes afloat. See “UP” if you want to know what I mean. Story, concept, visual effect, dialogues OR see Princess and the frog. I came out of the film feeling fresh and nice and so did my kids. See these movies and you will let your worries go by.

It almost forces you to believe in fairy tales and live in it as opposed to face the harsh reality where your peace bubble can be shattered just by a phone call which forces you not to believe in the reality

It always make me wonder, what is a reality, “Is reality the life which we are living or the life which we dream to live?” Might look like a dumb question but ponder over it and you will realize that if not always but at times you would be ready to trade it for the cartoon characters and the 3 hr life, atleast I would.

First Rains

As I write this, sitting in an oven called 7^th floor in Bangalore in the garden city of India, I hear the first drops of rain the cold breeze which u can’t compare with the sanitized (bacteria free air as advertised by Samsung or LG or whatever) and the unique smell of rain on earth. I experience a joy, a spirit almost like a new beginning. A feeling which sparse writers like us feel when suddenly we get an idea and want to write nonstop till wither the idea is consumed or you get consumed…

One of my haunting memories of first rain is that of “sitting at Marine Drive and watching the dark clouds form almost like a battalion getting ready for an attack and they start moving towards you slowly and slowly….till it hits you and you are drenched again and again and again….but we keep sitting and let the rain hit us again and again and again till it loses and walks away…..But we waited for the next shower …and hoped that it will help resolve things between us and the world at large….”

Walking By....

I walk daily to office. I meet Chinese, Americans, Indians of course and smoking battalions who are banished from the office, who stand in the pavement and spew smokes on us innocent passersby. I keep seeing similar faces once, twice, 3 months, 6 months…sometimes they smile, and sometimes I do. Same tea shops, same cops, same beggars only trees are being cut down to accommodate more people passing by….

Above: 2 contrasting pics. Trees cover the entire stretch of road (100ft road Indranagar, Bangalore) and provide shadow for passers by VS trees cut and kept near a petrol pump (Airport Rd, Bangalore) ready to be shipped and converted to fuel….

The Joy of giving…

These days I am petrified by birthdays and anniversaries. Will they like the gift? Has she read the book ? There is this entire performance oriented culture has taken the joy of gifting. Fortunately the kids and the grandparents are still not affected by it.

Today when my parents came home after 1 year, they got some knick knacks which might not have any commercial value but the warmth and the glee which it spread across the household i.e. among the children was a treat to watch. While me and wife rationalized on the product – “color is so unique”, this is “easy and comfortable” to wear to office. Kids went all around the block showing off the plastic rings, hair bands, glow balloon or whatever they could lay their hands.

Reflecting on their smile and action I thought “they were enjoying the moment” while “we were waiting for the moment to come so that we can enjoy it”…..Don’t know when will it come though.

Why didn’t I have a teacher like this ?

Last weekend we went for a walk in Lal Bagh organized by “Bangalore walk”. Me, wife and my 10 and 7 yr old daughters. We wanted to do this for a long time but somehow as it always happens with DI2K (Double Income 2 kids) like us time is only an illusion which we realize only once it’s gone. Oh! The weekend is gone…..Damn the vacation is over and we are sitting on our..you know what.

So we dragged ourselves out of our bed at 5 am in the morning and somehow managed to get ourselves in front of the huge rock in Lal Bagh. At 7 05, we found an elderly gentleman squeezing his car (With great difficulty) between 2 previously parked cars, pull himself out and carrying 2 quite heavy bags move towards the big rock. That was the meeting point.

He introduced himself and laid down a few rules and started talking….For next 3 hrs we learnt about the oldest rock in the world, (which was the big rock in front of us), why Muslims build gardens, preservation of seeds, tipu sultan and history of bangalore, naming of trees, perfection in natural world, pollination, types of bees, how seeds were transferred in ancient world, half the food we eat and plants we see are actually from around the world..…etc. All this as we were walking with this elderly gentleman for almost 3 hrs.

When we all reached MTR and had our grand breakfast,.he told us that he was neither a historian, nor a botanist as most of us thought…he was just an engineer running his own business.

I was fascinated, that 3 hr talk on plants, seeds, made me my wife and our kids (they were only 50% into it most of the time they were busy touching “touch me not’s” and catching butterflies) wanted me to learn more about botany than anything. We never knew botany can be so interesting. Unconsciously even now if I stand in the balcony or see a tree in full bloom I look at it with a feeling which is almost humane. I know it will be difficult to cut a tree even if somebody puts a gun in my head and orders me to.

I looked back at my school days when I used to shudder at the thought of Botany, Biology. In fact I was so petrified in memorizing so many names, diagrams that I dropped Bio in 12^th and took Sanskrit. At least the books were thinner.

I wish I had teachers like this who made u love, respect and create a craving for a subject which would last a lifetime. Irrespective of age or the age difference, the group had people ranging from 25 – 40 leaving aside my kids.

On the contrary, when we asked him how his interest got generated….he said, when he was a kid and used to stay in Delhi, he had lot of free time during summer vacation and those days there were no TV, he had a huge library, so he read all possible books including the ones on botany, birds etc. He also had a huge garden where different types of birds used to migrate and stay in particular trees year after year. In a particular case he tied a note on a bird’s leg and wrote Delhi and next year when the same bird came back…there was a chit from Mongolia

The more I think about it I feel I want my daughters to let loose their imagination and do what they want to be. Just be…they will do something and discover their own stream. That’s the idealistic me just like I was telling my engineering batch mates whom I met after 19 year that before the sun sets I just want to back pack across the world…I don’t know how but I will do it.

But then there are these never ending practical arguments of CBSE vs ICSE boards, making our kids competitive and I just go back to my corner and read a book or open NGC / Discovery to be one with the world which I can’t touch in real….but only feel in my heart.