The Unseen Me

I just finished listening to the Scene UnSeen podcast by Amit Verma where he had Amitava Kumar, the author, as a host. It was around 3 and half hours and I listened to it in 3 or 4 sessions. This is my third podcast and the only one I heard till the end. 

One of the reasons is because it is the closest to what I have set out to do i.e. write a page every day for the next 30 days, this is the prove it to yourself before you sink in the money principle which I follow. If I can do it, I will join a writing course in August - maybe Amit Verma’s or Amitava Verma’s course. Who knows?

Amitava Kumar also worked as a journalist and few of his early books are in the form of reportage and which I thought / look back at was one of the things I would have loved to do but never had the courage / conviction and foresight to make the choice. So, in a way this was like an alter ego of mine narrating his journey.

Thanks to the fact that both (Amit & Amitava) were friends, this was a very intimate interview, at least I felt that he shared very close personal details and its importance to his life and his work. It was like a friendly discussion you are part of late in the night with a drink in your hand. Also, because he is a writer his answers were very well thought through and he had enough time to reflect and share his thoughts in a very eloquent way - many a times breaking into bihari style hindi. 

For me it was a great peek into the development of a creative person & hence a writer - also as I was listening in a way I was validating myself or qualifying myself as a writer. So, in a way it was a very good precursor to any course I would join in the near future. I have already picked up few nuggets like you have to 

• Curious, 

• A very good observer 

• Disciplined / Build a habit

• Read widely 

• Connect your beliefs with what you are writing (the me in your writing is the soul)

Ya, so I score well in all the metrics above. And I am just happy that these come naturally to me and not because it is prescribed by a teaching course.

It’s also a philosophical validation of my main reason for writing - which is it helps examine things, giving it a perspective which stays with you, changes you. Many times it also surprises me after I finish writing  a blog and reflect on my writing. 

Well, I am a happy man today :)

Day 10: 200 words/challenge 447 words.

Purpose of Life

Me and Joyee - my younger daughter have the same purpose in life. We want to make the world a better place (read save the world). And our family motto is to live a good life but in a sustainable way. I am 53 on the verge of retiring, she is 19 and has just started college. This is a noble thought and many of us have it but the question is How? What can we do today, now so that we can do that very little bit, micro bit for the world. This is a fundamental question if every citizen of the planet can answer and do just a bit it can have a massive multiplier effect. 

Joyee started with many things (will write on this sometime later) but one thing which she started with the milk packets (The pic displays the Nandini milk packets) . Right through covid - exams ,competitive exam preparation, even when her health was not ok, she would do it. There were 4 of us in the house, many times I would throw the packets as they may get accumulated as she may be busy with studies and not slept the night before. My thought would be to save her that hassle. 

After she left for her college, I picked it up and have been doing it religiously every day in 2022. I know it will not bring down the temperature of earth - saving the world is a far away dream but I am happy I can contribute in a miniscule way. 

It also had 2 important lessons for me. 

“Your fight is your fight, yes everyone will appreciate / empathize but don’t expect them to think and fight for you. But, like in my case, slowly some will adopt the idea and that is the best way - because you are doing it of your own will hence you will ensure that you will do it.” 

“Stop talking / debating / thinking / liking posts - Start Now. Don’t wait for the perfect moment - it does not exist. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, begin now and it will take you some place.” 

Day 9: 200 words/day challenge, 359 words

Postscript: See some of these documentaries & get inspired (or cry in despair) https://zerowastememoirs.com/baby-step-19-netflix-documentary-on-sustainability/

Lost in Siberia

I found this mesmerising category of books - which comes under the broad category of travel but laced with history of the place & seen through a lense of a particular object. And this I selected only based on the reviews I read on Amazon - Few months back I read The Bells of Tokyo, where some parts of Japan’s local history (read for specific cities) - is looked at from the bells which were an integral part of their society. It was like zen moment for me.

This month I started ‘The Lost Piano’s of Siberia’ by Sophia Roberts. In this book the author travels through Siberia and writes about the history / origin of western music in Russia. I am still in the 3rd chapter where she explains the role politics (reads whims of rulers) played in popularising Piano across Russia & how again Politics led to the destruction of music culture. For me, Swan Lake from Tchaikovsky was the only connection to Russia & Piano. 

Unlike history books or more formal writing this is written in a way that you are travelling with Sophia in Siberia - you are in a way living / seeing what she is seeing but also absorbing what she has to say about the history of the place, city, village or the people whom she meets. There are also pictures of her travels which help you visualise what she is seeing.

Both the books mentioned here are written by British journalists and what is fascinating is the choice these writers have made to convert their personal obsession into an accessible book which can be read by thousands of people. This kind of writing requires meticulous research, observations & noting down each and every thing they are saying & experiencing. And doing it in Siberia which is one of the coldest places on earth & remote, where people don't speak your language is something really to wonder at. 

After I wrote this piece, I was walking on the balcony and saw up very high in the sky a bird - almost a spec in the sky flying effortlessly cutting across the horizon. The only thought which crossed my mind “When the purpose is clear your path is already made, you just have to start walking, in this case Siberia” :).

Day 8: 200 words/day challenge, 385 words

Postscript: 

A more nuance review here.

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2020/feb/05/the-lsot-pianos-of-siberia-by-sophy-roberts-review-a-journey-to-the-end-of-everything 

Experience a snippet of her journey here

https://vimeo.com/387974714 

Rains

 The rain was falling in sheets

It felt like drum beats 

When the rain fell on the 

Out of use A/C

It made me feel uneasy 

Thinking of the cars lined in basement

& the thin embankment

Dividing our apartment 

& the storm water drain

Drain - What drain ?

I wondered

From commodes to

Spring mattress

From iron rods to

Idols of gods

From dirty food plates to 

garbage crates

One will find everything, 

In the drains 

And when it rains

Water will find a way 

To the lakes

Or 

To our basement.

First time

It shocked us

From next time 

The society woke us up 

& helped move the cars up

Our degrees & positions have made us so dumb

That we are comfortably numb

Living life in complete apathy 

Only showing sympathy 

To our maids whose houses are drowned

And whose childrens are homeless

It’s they who fight with authorities

To fight these calamities.

And clean our house.

Day 7: 200 word challenge, 156 words

Butter Chicken & Mango Chutney (bengali style) & some tit bits on cooking

Food is the most favourite topic for us Bongs. While everyone does not cook, everyone will have opinions. I love cooking and my inspiration has always been my baba who was an amazing cook in its true sense. Not only did he cook at home he cooked for 500+ people during Durga Puja or picnics - in the 70’s & 80’s when I was growing up in Air Force cantonment areas the whole air force station was like one big family. At Least for the bong community he was the self appointed cook.

On a wet saturday in Bangalore one is too lazy to cook but for us oldies ordering is anathema but you have to also balance your choice with younger generations who are home only for a few days in a year. When you cook at home it has to be simple and appealing, it should also evoke a taste which can be compared with what you cook. My butter chicken vs the Punjabi Rasoi.

Thanks to covid  there are so many home chef’s. Many of them discontinued as work caught up with them but many of them soldiered on driven by their passion. I had vacated the kitchen during COVID handling over the ladle to the wife who rose to the occasion and made us drool over Lucknowi Chicken Biryani to Shrimp cocktail, Baked Vegetables and so on. 

Like baba, who used to dig out recipes from bong magazines & keep cuttings or write them down he was very much focused on seleti food under the larger umbrella of bengali cooking. And I want to follow in his footsteps in time to come so that I keep alive the traditions which will get lost if I do not do this some time soon. 

So the principle of what you want to cook is very important, because that is what drives the passion behind it hence someone loves baking whereas someone does only non veg or vegan because they can’t find it etc. For me today, my inspiration was my family .

Improvisation is the name of the game - after seeing 2-3 videos I understand the broad direction & the ingredients I started the process & finished in 5 simple steps 

1. Marinate the chicken with ginger garlic paste, salt, haldi, chilli powder - I love the process of marinating. In many videos I saw the chefs do it with a spoon but just like eating food with your hand has a feeling of oneness, marinating gives me the same feeling. 

2. After 15 minutes fry the chicken to 90% readiness and keep aside.

3. The most critical step I realised is the gravy because that’s what gives the flavour.

4. 2 big onions & 4 tomatoes medium sized chopped, fry the onions first & then put in the tomatoes (many recipes suggest to add butter - don’t, it will just evaporate) add little water, 3 tablespoon sugar, salt, some chicken powder if you don’t have garam masala (we didn’t), i add raw ginger n garlic and kaju - it helps in thickening the paste. Once you achieve some kind of consistency. Cool it down & run it in mixer grinder (the videos will show hand blender which most of us won’t have) *** Do not avoid this step or take a short cut, I did not feel like wasting the pulp (as wastage is a big no for me). Be patient because this is the juice / the core - read the gravy 

5. Once done - heat it & add dollops of butter along with chicken, Serve with sprinkling of kasturi methi.

And bingo the Butter Chicken is ready. Needless to say the daughter & wife licked their fingers & plate to my 

Next day after the run, which was needed to digest the butter chicken, I was sitting under a Mango Tree & like Newton, a kaccha mango fell instead of an apple :) I took it home and made a Bengali style mango chutney . As I tried to find recipe on YouTube I saw the wife glaring at me and then saying I have fed this to you so many times….I got the point & put the phone down.  

3 (very) simple steps 

1. Slice the mango (with skin pls) & in a pressure cooker (modern day life saver) put very little mustard oil & kalo jeera and fry it for a few minutes, add little salt, haldi & red chilli powder. ½ cup of water & fresh green chillies (crucial elemente)

2. Give 1 whistle. When you look inside the mangoes should be soft and pulpy

3. Start heating and add sugar *** This is a very important step. The quantity of sugar is crucial to the taste of the family, if you want to make it a bit spicy & sweet add less sugar. Keep checking the consistency (again to taste) - my kakima makes it very watery, my baba likes it sweet & thick. I kept it medium but kept it on a slightly spicy side. 

When you have it the first taste is sweet and so you start eating but you feel the spice after some time and oohs & aahs start…..Me watching surreptitiously & waiting for the fun to begin.

Postscript: This is my first note/blog on a recipe. My inspiration is Samar Halarnkar. I just love his column - I just glance through the recipe but devour everything before it. I have kept some of his cuttings, Thou shall make them when the budget for OTG is sanctioned.

Day 6: 200 words/day challenge, 900 words

Back to Running

One of the 2 things which Bangalore gave me was Running & the other is Swimming (seasonal & rare with the rainy weather prevailing) which has helped me to maintain my balance and give a consistent sense of achievement - dopamine - satisfaction.

What started as a fun and group activity, when few of us in the apartment started going to Cubbon Park every Sunday for a run followed by breakfast has become now a solitary activity of running in the back lanes of the Old airport listening to birds, passing occasional runners and cyclists on the way. A pair of shoes is a must for any of my trips - during my frequent travel to Mumbai I would run in Marine drive, Worli sea face & Gateway of India. 

I know many people who took to running as a fix for depression or just to beat the stress levels. For me I love the feeling of physical exhaustion which comes after running, it’s like all my muscles have gone through a thorough massage - there are multiple times when a pulled muscle got ok after running & my mind being completely focused on getting to a point and making it back & being completely blank. It’s the only time when the mind is quiet.

I avoid city marathons and run on my own. The Sunday after the TCS 10 k, I did my own 10k in an hour. I love the trail marathons better as it is less crowded and also gives a chance to experience the place and take a break. Kaveri trail in November & Goa in December are coming up and I plan to do at least a half in these 2. Injury is a big scare and last time I tried half my knee gave up at 17 and even after spending a lot of money on physio the only way I got back to running was resting for almost 6 months.

For me Running is like the byline for Auroville Marathon - Run for the joy of running.

Day 5: 200 words/ day challenge, 333 words

Postscript: Does your mind wander a lot. Well, let it wander - it will boost your creativity. Moshe Bar, an award-winning neuroscientist, writes in his latest book, ‘Mindwandering: How it Can Improve Your Mood and Boost Your Creativity’, about our unfocused mind. 

Read his interview here https://www.thehindu.com/society/neuroscientist-moshe-bar-new-book-harness-brain-divya-gandhi/article65524474.ece or 

see the video here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0eLUiVSUIWs

Notes on Depression

It was with a deep sigh that I heard the suicide of one my wife's college friend. For her it was a deep sense of loss and feeling of helplessness and she and her friends were counseling each other to overcome this huge sense of loss.

Knowingly or unknowingly all of us have battled it, some come out of it stronger and most of us come out scarred and afraid to look back and few unfortunate ones succumb to it. I have personally battled it long enough to know that it is as difficult as being a gay /queer - because the society and work place puts a stamp of failure on the individual. I don’t think any of us would tell our bosses that we are depressed and hence I want sick leave - we will feign stomach illness or fever or anything. Although that is changing, most HR now have a helpline to an external agency which can be accessed with the promise that their details will not be shared.

One of the oft repeated which was going round was ‘Why did she take such an extreme step?’. It is very difficult for an outsider to understand / experience what the person is going through. It’s almost like walking on a tightrope and a single push may make the person fall. We all believe that we have all the answers but unfortunately we don’t. For someone in this phase Why ? is a confounding question for which there is no logical answer. And you keep going in circles. In the worst phase it feels like a dark tunnel with no end in sight and voices screaming in your head, you carry that through the day into the work and all your day to day activities (read high pressure perform or perish culture) and multiply that with days and months & it’s not difficult to understand the Why?

Seeking help is the best solution but how ? Whom ? is a difficult question which does not have an easy answer. You have to persevere to get the right doctor who understands your problem and is able to help you. Family and friends are the best people to turn to i,e if you can. Consider yourself lucky if you have a great safety net - but mostly people going through this phase don’t have that or they tend to ignore it.

Outlets are important - Running, Cooking, Seeing a movie, burrowing yourself in a book works for me. Being aware of your physical & mental state is crucial - nothing else matters. In the long term we are all dead anyway - it’s today what matters. 

Day 4: 200 words/day challenge, 446 words

Postscript: How does one describe ‘The French Dispatch’ By Wes Anderson - I haven’t seen anything like it before, It’s a work of art (& hence many people may not like it). It’s like the line which comes when you see a movie & say ‘Wish I was part of it in some way - I am happy to be the light boy. Any takers? :(  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_French_Dispatch The other Wes Anderson movies which is not very well known but are my favorite is  Moonrise Kingdom & The Isle of Dogs (animation)