Weekly Musings 4 – 26th July

Trust Issues.

Last week I wrote about neighborhood, this week on Monday I got a call from someone who is staying below our house in our LIG flat in Delhi. He sent me multiple snaps of seepage and telling me that my balcony is flooded and that is the reason for the seepage. The last time I went was in 2018 after baba’s passing away – to do shradh. Now Delhi (where I have lived for few years) is not a place where you can trust anyone beyond your inner circle. Close friends whom you know. While everybody will call you beta as in your son but you know that it’s just a 4 letter word. So, when another neighbor called saying that he will get the keys and see what can be done. All the thoughts which came to my mind was – Will he really do it? Is it safe? If something breaks or he misuses the house etc. But he got everything done, of course – it required an effort, getting someone, supervise it and get it cleaned etc. Heart in heart I still worry if everything is safe.

But it set me thinking, typically why was my first reaction negative / distrust. The answer of course all my years of struggle / fights / arguments with auto - rickshaw, vegetable vendors and people whom I met during my daily life in Delhi. And that is how a society leaves its imprint on an individual and from individual to family and friends and so on some forth. We live our life under it’s influence as they become deep rooted in us.

I had stayed away from these people who were there to give company to baba when he was there alone even if though it was an occasional hello, or a HOLI get together. While I never showed any disrespect to them – I never cared for them as well. I guess now I can feel a sense of gratitude towards them not only for helping me out but being there for baba.

Take that chance.

2 most talked about books of 2020

The Burning: By Megha Majumdar & Djinn Patrol on the purple line: By Deepa Anappra

Common themes: Both have similar mileu – about lives of people living in slums / shanties. The difficulty they go thru, their aspirations and issues. The divide & the relationship between them and the rich, how they live on each other or survive because of each other or feed on each other. It can be looked at many way’s but this is a unique characteristic of India.

Maids are the biggest support system of homes of corporate India. The relationship is very symbiotic – trust & respect is crucial for both parties. Like a team member or fellow colleague or boss – it either clicks or it doesn’t.

Both also have children as key protagonists, in fact in Djinn Patrol the story is about kids

The Burning is starker, Jivan a Muslim living in a small shanty town in Kolkata is arrested for posting a negative message about the govt. She gets implicated in a terrorist activity and goes to jail. There is a parallel story of her PT sir in the schools she goes to and a hijra (eunuch) whom she teaches called Lovely. While PT sir aspires to be a politician, Lovely aspires to be an actress. Whether they succeed is something one has to read to find out but to achieve their dreams they have to turn a blind eye to their heart and conscience. And Jivan becomes the collateral damage.

DjinnPatrol is more fun. Especially because – the book is written as a voice of a nine-year-old boy Jai. It is literally what is going on in his mind and in his language – like he calls the people living in apartments as hi-fi people. The story is all about children who start disappearing in a busti in Delhi (slum) and how is investigating mind tries to solve the mystery. You have to read it to find out if he can.

We all have our reasons to read books. While some books will be universally liked like Dan Browns Da Vince Code / Jeffrey Archer books – because they take you to a different world. You fly with their imagination and get involved in their stories and plots and sub plots. It’s a different world you enter through these pages and leave behind your present state / environment / things around you. It’s your escape.

Both these books are too real, especially reading them sitting in India where last week in Bangalore a house was ransacked because someone from that house had posted in Facebook comments which effected the sentiment of a religious community. 2 people killed, 15 injured, multiple arrested and army had to do a flag march to calm down situation. With rains lashing Mumbai, where I stay for work – I can visualise how life would be for those sleeping on roadside in cubicles made of card board boxes, tin sheds, tarpaulins.

I won’t say I did not enjoy the books but maybe I am in a state where I need the flights of fantasy more than the realistic depictions of daily lives. 

Weekly Musings 3 - 19th July

Ode to Baba.

Today, 19^th - It has been 2 years since he passed away today. Unlike movies, books or even philosophy – experiencing your parent’s passing away is a unique experience for everyone just like much written about ‘giving birth to a baby’ experience.

Having lived away from home since my school, our interactions were limited to weekends or holidays. But what I experienced in last 4 years of his life, since he got detected by cancer made up for it. Especially the last 3 months before he passed away is something which will remain etched in my mind till I pass away to be with him.

It was a coincidence that the kids put up Inside Out – the Pixar movie this Friday– which talks about core memory, personality islands, long term memory area & memory dumps where memories start fading away.

In a world governed by a 10 hr work schedule and now COVID, baba’s death was another core memory orb stored away in my memory, which gets activated – on my drive back from office completely sapped of my energy, or if I am reading an article about Assam / Defence or while listening to Bengali folk music and also during my fortnightly chat with my cousin in Assam who was closest to my baba. These are the core memory orbs which got awakened and I would be under it’s influence for a while till sleep / work took over.

Everything is still vividly printed on my mind and it flashes in front of me – both his violent death and his peaceful face on top of a lifeless body which got shoved into an electric crematorium. There was tremendous pain in last month when I could barely hear him speak with the cancer spreading to most part of his lungs so much, that even taking a sip of water was painful.

Nothing made sense for a long time, I wanted to do lot of things in his memory, fulfilling his wishes like setting up an old age home / finishing school in his village. But with two growing up kids – reality caught hold me and kicked me out to make a living, creating a memory island which will become reality at some point in life.

One of my core memories of my Baba of course was his cooking, right from the time when I was a child – his cooking was legendary. Whether it is bhog in Durga Puja or Picnics, or cooking the pithe’ during Sankranti, dry fish, choonga (rice cooked inside bamboo’s) – he was the Master Chef in ourextended family. In 2018, even with cancer – he made his pithe’ during Sankranti, in fact he tried a dish which he never did in his life. In last 2 years he was staying with me – he would cajole me into helping him with cooking and keep instructing me – don’t drop it like this – oil will spill or the colour should be light brown, keep the flame low. In his heart he knew, after him – there is no one who could take the tradition forward. He was very proud of his seleti (selet is a place in the current Bangladesh) background and tried to inculcate / introduce as much of it in our modern home of butter chicken, baked vegetables & grilled fish. Well, he at least succeeded in putting a seed inside me.

So today, in his honour I made mustard fish curry, masoor dal & payesh (kheer). I remembered him cooking, instructing, guiding, scolding and then enjoying the food with relish, which my family also did. We made a small shrine in kitchen and paid homage to him. I want to continue the tradition and vowed to learn the art of making pithe’ in next 1 year. Promise.

To continue the talk on food & North East: Axione (Netflix) is a lovely, heart-warming movie about a group of north east teenagers wanting to make a special dish in their rented house in Delhi. The problem – the dish smells bad (read disgusting) to others. With an original cast (I am not even sure they are actors), it is almost like the film was shot using a handycam. Very natural and light. Brought out Delhi, it’s Punjabi culture and of course the travails of all north eastern community. Yes. There was a message – but not blatant. 

Talking about Delhi neighbourhood, Coincidentally I also saw ‘Beautiful day in Neighbourhood’ (Prime) - starring Tom Hanks and is an autobiographical film inspired by the article, Can you say Hero …? Written by Tom Junod and published in Esquire in 19 98.

It has a nice warm feeling around it, the film is slow, takes it’s time to move from one scene to other but somehow all of us in the family felt Tom Hanks over did it. The whole way of talking and acting like Fred Rogers. Although he worked hard to get into the shoes of Fred Rogers, (like he always does) – spending 100 of hours looking at the footage of the children’s documentary. For us in sitting in India, it is just another American movie, or another famous personality brought to screen. So, it did not touch us, we just saw it as another film. The last few lines come from that perspective.

But as I read more about Fred Rogers, I realized that he is an Enigma, a phenomenon of his own. And enacting his role is like playing Gandhi / Mandela – their version minus the politics. As I read more about him, I started admiring him / his purpose and his ability to touch people and in this case change them. As I read more about Fred Rogers and his punishing schedule

Read the article below on which the movie is bases and you will understand how tough the role is & how powerful the effect of his show has on children – especially those who are suffering. More importantly how it changed Tom Junod.

 https://web.archive.org/web/20191119032557/https://classic.esquire.com/article/1998/11/1/can-you-say-hero

https://www.atlantamagazine.com/news-culture-articles/how-mister-rogers-changed-the-life-of-atlanta-writer-tom-junod/

See this documentary, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Won%27t_You_Be_My_Neighbor%3F_(film) (Netflix) which won multiple awards in case you are keen to understand him better. My admiration for him grew & grew for him.

Tailpiece, COVID, is teaching different thing to different people. Yesterday for the 2^nd time Nikita, my elder daughter cut my hear. I got back to walking outside and little bit running after March. It really felt nice kicking and alive to experience the bright sunlight & the whole feeling of openness, the birds chirping all around and seeing a few smiles from fellow walkers– albeit under the mask.

Weekly Musing 2 (12th July)

Well, lockdown is back in Bangalore, does it make a difference. No. We are anyway hunkered down in our flat and doing everything possible to be safe, I think more importantly feel safe. The way things are going our status quo will not change much for next 2 month – which means it will be 6 months till we 4 go back to our own cities. That has been the case since last 2 yrs.

I was reflecting on the same, while we keep reading about how corporate culture will change, there will be a big shift in the family dynamics. Lockdown has taught us many things: Let us do it on our own. sharing responsibilities, giving space, being more patient, managing with less are the positive ones. Children are identifying the passive and active parents – seeking them out for their need. Yes, there are moments of hopelessness when the only inhouse cycle breaks or you know that ‘you will miss your last yr in boarding’ and adolescence lexicon enters our life – hug pile or was it cuddle pile(which is all dirty cloth piled up in their bed which they remove to throw).

Corporate world chugs along: Two, most (ab)used words in the lexicon of business is green shoots & pent up demand – I have not heard it as much as I have heard the same in all my last 25 years. And we have all kind of curves – the recent being a V curve recovery. Office time extends from 7 – 8 – 9pm. It’s amazing how people can so casually say ‘’anyway you are at home and not going to office, just take out some time and do it on Saturday?”. This is a definitely a V curve increase in work time. 

1 Dud 1 enigmatic, 1 loud musical & 1 Oscar worthy movies which kept me on the edge this week.

I choose my books & movie with care, except for the family sit downs like Dil Chahta Hain, Andaz Apna Apna & Abba – which I have lost count how many times I have seen. I am always on the watch, I go thru reviews like a maniac, add them to my Google Keeps & all 3 OTT channels . For me it’s not a hobby, it’s my stairway to heavenly bliss.

So after doing all that I had to frantically finish Atlantic By Column McCann, it was frustrating. The start was gripping: Bangalore, heavily overcast, cold, a wet feeling which refuses to go, a novel based in Ireland which also has similar weather or worse, it is end of WW 1 19 19, 2 pilots decide to cross the Atlantic in a re-modelled fighter – The book and the reality merged and I finished the first 100 pages without a stop. It’s a true story of Jack Acklok & Arthur Brown who are the first pilots to cross the Atlantic FROM Newfoundland to Ireland – and the story built around it or connected to it is worth a read but there are large portions of novel where the authors just meanders like the chapter on George Mitchel who is brokering peace in Ireland in 19 78. Till the end I could not figure why was the chapter needed. A highly acclaimed author – I must have picked it up for a bargain from Blossoms & yes of course it must have been one of the lists ☹

Read about it here https://www.nytimes.com/2013/06/23/books/review/transatlantic-by-colum-mccann.html & if you have the courage you can start with his first book – Let the Great World Spin. I do not have the courage to do that.

On the other hand, A movie based on a similar premise (true story again) kept me on the edge for 2 and half hrs.  Ford vs Ferrari starring a brilliant Matt Damon & Christian Bale. Everything about the movie was exceptional, the production value, sound, editing. Although it got nominated in most award’s they did not get the key awards. It was tough film especially all the technical stuff about the engine, power, torque etc – Both of them were very convincing.

Both the book & the movie was about taking risk, let me clarify life risk – it’s not about a start up which fails. We are talking a non-stop flight across the Atlantic in 19 19, if anything happens in the plane you are dead  and in the movie we are talking endurance driving for 24 hrs – where one extra turn or a mistake by a driver & for no fault of yours – you are dead.  What does it take to do that, bravery, arrogance, challenge – I think all but above all, commitment to the cause – nothing else matters. These are outliers & they change the world. We write blogs and are happy 😊

Hamilton – the much-hyped musical from Disney (playing on Disney Hotstar) was thrust on me by my daughters. I love musicals, the sheer energy & the extensive co-ordination needed amongst the huge no of people and the sets always bowls me over. I did not need much convincing.

Hamilton is not a movie musical but a play production which was shot and converted to a quasi movie. Read about it here.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hamilton_(2020_film) ; https://www.nytimes.com/2020/06/30/movies/hamilton-review-disney-plus.html

My younger daughter has been listening / singing the songs for last 1 week (now that the blog is delayed by a week) listening to it. While we plug in our headphones. I found it a bit loud, also not used to musicals which had rap songs (we had to put the subtitles on). It had all the ingredients of a musical – excellent co-ordination (I am always in awe of the co-ordinated actions by all the people on stage & how they remember all their lines), a range of emotions from some of the most talented folks I have ever seen. It is long – thrust on a Friday evening after any other working week when everyone thinks this is Armageddon – I had to slight headache by the time I hit my bed. See it when your mind is relaxed n free so you can absorb all the up’s and down’s of the movie.

Potrait of a lady on fire (a French film) was nominated for Palme D’Or in Cannes last year and won the Queer Palm, has a rotten tomatoes rating of 98% and imdb rating of 8.5. In recent days I read raving reviews by 2 of the Indian bloggers I follow, Jai Arjun & Mint. You can read some more here. https://www.nytimes.com/2020/02/13/movies/portrait-lady-fire-celine-sciamma.html

https://www.theguardian.com/film/2020/mar/01/portrait-of-a-lady-on-fire-review-celine-sciamma

I was a bit flustered by the end of the movie, I had a similar reaction when I saw ‘Blue Is the Warmest Colour’ another French movie which won the Palme D’Or in 2013. While Portrait of a lady on a fire was subtle to some extent on the lesbian relationship between the lead pair, Blue is the Warmest Colour was an out n out erotic movie. Portrait had excellent screenplay which I really admired and very subtle acting by both the lead pairs (the fact that the movie is based in 18^th century) – very little dialogue, very slow & lot of expressions which did the talking. But that was it, maybe I missed something. A tick on the list, nevertheless.

Weekly Musings - 1

It’s been 75 days, displaced from my workplace, just like any other migrant worker I came back home.

Is this the new normal – for 5 days we hang on to the phones & PC like our life depends on it. On sat our home is a battel ground – we go down with empty suitcases and come back loaded with whatever Big Basket has to offer, the wife washes every single packet with soap and vegetables with baking powder, the washing machine runs 3 times and after the iron grills of balcony are sanitized, we display our cloths to the world. The kitchen is on overdrive in preparation for the week – what ever pre-cooking can be done, is done so that minimum time is spent in cooking during weekdays. By Sunday evening most of us are battle weary and rest our aching body and get some sleep so we can wake up with a battle cry with our phone in our hand. All of us in our corners – till Friday beckons.

Long back, in one of my post drinking poetic phase, I had said to the drunk people surrounding me. I just need my books and music to pull me through the rest of my life. Well, a lot happened between that night and now. My new normal in the weekend is immersions mostly in reading the weekend newspaper which is my umbilical cord to what’s happening in the non-business world, immersion in books & movies. While the newspaper was added a month back books and movies were my sole companions for the first 60 days.

This week was high on emotion & relationships:

Sun Catcher, By Romesh Gunesekera is a growing up story of Kairo and his idol Jay in a town in Sri Lanka. It’s 19 64, the country is going through it’s communism phase of land reform, nationalisation, Sinhala is about to be made the national language. Kairo, shy, confused of his emotions, trying to define the language of grown up’s eyes, not sure what is right and wrong. Jay is just the opposite – he knows everything, a few years older to him, he is a self-taught environmentalist n automobile engineer n businessman – all rolled in one. While he idolises him – he goes through his enquiries on what is right or wrong. On one hand, in Jay’s backyard he build an aviary to protect birds on the other hand when he goes to his farm, he hunts birds and kills them. Then there is the squabbling parents in both households – who keep fighting, lost in their own world and trying to give their best to their boys while hanging on to their jobs in a difficult phase of Sri Lanka. It took me back to my childhood and how I coped with my existential crisis and how it shaped my life at home and away from home. I spent some time sipping my tea in my balcony and looking at clouds as memories drifted in & out – till it was time to come back to my new normal.

I loved some of the quotes which the author slipped in, which I am producing below:

“You nibble at everything to find out the truth only when you are young. The adult mind just wants to forget, or escape.” – Ibrahim the book keeper.

“I had no understanding of the compromises by which the adult world found it’s temporary equilibrium, whether between partners, lovers, families or tribes.” - Kairo  

“A sense of fore-boding is hard for a young boy to separate from terror….” – Kairo

“I wish I could make something both beautiful and unbreakable.” – Jay

“A firefly is never alone because when he looks up all the starts sparkle with him.” Jay

After the last chapter aptly titled fireflies where Kairo (now a grown up) tries to physically experience what he experienced as a child with Jay like the large flock’s of birds coming inland to nest in the evening, which could be seen only in a specific point in a secluded beach and was discovered by Jay. He keeps waiting but not a single bird turn up.

As I created the book, I also felt a huge sense of loss – In 6 years space, Maa & Baba passed away leaving behind a void which nothing can fill. For all my misgivings – the only thing I have left is their memories. The book re-kindled some of my childhood memories

Winter Sleep, A Turkish film which caught my attention some time back because it got the Palme d’Or in 2014. I saw it in 2 parts. Not people can see the 3 hr+ movie. But who see it will savour it for it’s slow pace, beautiful & serene photography (shot in Cappadocia – an ancient heritage site in Turkey which is famous for cave hotels as I discovered after I saw the movie). In fact, the movie is shot in a cave hotel which is run by Aydin a former actor who despite all his attempts retired as failed actor.

While you can read about the movie here, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Winter_Sleep_(film).

The movie is built like a lengthy novel or a play, which has many layers and slowly you uncover the layers through dialogues / interactions between characters. Many things are unsaid and left to interpretations which you connect later – like the roadie who stays in his hotel, he does not have a planned destination, he has his tent food etc packed in his bags and just goes where the road takes his, he discovers every day. It’s brief conversation of 10 mnts but it showcases Alydin’s desire or maybe a lost dream that he could do this or should have done it in the past. While that is in his mind he justifies his present with the fact that he is writing a book on Turkish theatre and he also rode through Europe in his younger days.

End Note: I discovered

Didi Contractor, https://www.thehindu.com/society/our-post-independence-cities-are-so-ugly-didi-contractor/article31980225.ece. Read about this 90 year old who is a self-taught architect who stays in Kangra valley since 19 70’s, and has painstakingly studied local building traditions to create structures that are as magical as they are this-worldly. She reminded me of Hoard Roark of Fountainhead.

Ashish Birulee This anti-nuclear activist and photojournalist from Jharkhand’s Jadugoda is fighting for the rights of his people and making their stories heard (https://www.livemint.com/mint-lounge/features/lounge-heroes-ashish-birulee-rising-out-of-a-nuclear-wasteland-11593747542673.html)

2 books which got added to my list

-          Perumal Murugan’s first novel which got translated after 30 year, Rising Heat.

-          Less by Andrew Sean Greer who won a Pulitzer prize for this book in 2017

Director on Watch list: French Dierctor, Olivier Assaya https://www.livemint.com/mint-lounge/features/olivier-assayas-altered-states-11593776773817.html

Neil Young’s new album Homegrown got added to my playlist. https://www.livemint.com/mint-lounge/features/lounge-heroes-ashish-birulee-rising-out-of-a-nuclear-wasteland-11593747542673.html

Cheers! Have a great week. (For once I uploaded the same day 😊)

Manto – The movie, By Nandita Das

I don’t want to be a published writer. A conclusion I reached last month as I touched 50. Many of the so-called bucket list sort of melted away as realisation dawned & I decided to be sincere to be myself. I will write for the joy of writing & nothing else. Not for the reader – not for the publisher – not for being a part of any list. But I will write. It’s a simple truth.

Manto, the movie is a good effort but I found all other characters very wooden and artificial. The only reason one should see the movie is Nawazuddin Siddique who get’s inside Manto as he portrays the anguish of multiple things - being Indian & in love with Bombay but fleeing India, the Hindu-Muslim divide and the havoc it caused to the people of both countries, being tried in the court for obscenity, papers not publishing his work, his guilt of neglecting his family.

One should also see this just to understand Manto and the whole process of writing. We have always read about movies where the actors become the character – what is typically defined as method acting. The recent being Joker. Here is a writer who depicts the reality the way he sees it and what he feels about it. He writes to convert his anguish and helplessness into words and characters. He becomes so engrossed in the whole tragedy of partition that he becomes alcoholic and dies of cirrhosis of liver. He was a true case where the writer and the reality and his writing all became one.

Any creative work even if it’s a simple blog must come from inside. That’s my belief, it cannot be manufactured. So, the painters, writers (especially poems) & movie makers (sensible ones) go through lot of churn when they put out something. If the same churn can be felt by the viewer or a reader, then they have made something which is worth watching for that person. Read the below article to understand Nandita’s views as a director and time and effort she spent making this film.

Start here to know more about Manto: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saadat_Hasan_Manto

Hear what Nandita has to say: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYkDZe8y600 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EIq5OPjXBc 
(Both interviews are long but ...if you are keen to understand the director - see it.)

Revisit Manto's Bombay in words & pictures*:

https://www.firstpost.com/long-reads/revisiting-mantos-bombay-in-words-and-pictures-5228631.html 


Buy This: Bitter Fruit: The very best of Manto; Edited and translated by Khalid Hasan (best short stories)

The 5 stories which are weaved into the movie Manto* (Reality and imagination are diffused through skilfully weaving the narrative of Manto’s life with that of his famous short stories. ‘Dus Rupay Ka Note’, ‘Sau Watt Ka Bulb’, ‘Khol Do’, ‘Thanda Gosht’ and ‘Toba Tek Singh’ make their way into the film that encapsulates four years of Manto’s life – two before Independence and two after it. (*courtesy: First Post)