How will it end ?

There are times  

You have,

an eerie feeling

That, 

you are falling

Gravitating

Towards a bottomless pit 

You know you are not

You are 

Sitting

Talking

Eating

But,

You know that

This is an illusion

The reality is what is happening inside

Not what is happening outside

You have seen this before

You have clamored up before

Not once, twice but many times.

But everytime the journey was the same 

First,

The mind

Paralyzes the body internally

So you function but you don’t

It’s like a machine running

Without producing

Till the mind takes control 

&

Starts,

the process of rebirth.

Breathe. IN

Breath. OUT 

How it all started 

&

How it will end.

The curious case of missing lower

I got up from my sleep to find my jogging lower missing. My memory flashed the picture that it was neatly folded and kept in my cupboard but I kept searching and could never locate the same. Giving up! I went for my walk telling myself that someone who needs it has got it. 

We dry our clothes in the 6th floor balcony railing and at times few things fall down and neighbours are good enough to Wap us. Yesterday we got a message that a grey Domyo t-shirt was on their balcony. I confidently told my wife that it was folded and kept in my cupboard. In fact I remember pointing it out to her.  But in reality it was not there - because the image was from morning when I wore it and went down to walk. By the time I went down and checked one of the cleaners picked it and made it his own (that’s my assumption). I was so confident that I came back and did not even check my cupboard. So, it was shocking when I could not find it in the morning and my mind refused to believe it. For many minutes I searched everywhere but I knew it was gone. My mind kept playing the same image in loop ‘neatly folded lower and t-shirt’. I even went and told the house keeping staff that if they can find it 

Maybe it is just me and my forgetfulness for which I am well known in the family, but I am also very methodical and systematic - so everything is in the right place. Hence this was a kind of breach in protocol which my mind (read ego) refused to accept and kept flashing that image telling me that I am not perfect. I had to focus and bring my mind back to work telling myself many things - it was needed by someone needy, getting another for 500/- is no big deal and if needed we will buy else we will manage with what we have. 

It’s a silly example but for me it was a reflection of how we are trapped by the ego - replace this with your favourite (?x?) and the story will not be different. In fact my mind told me that this was one of my favourite jogging lower which I have been using for all my trips 🙂. Even after knowing the thoughts kept coming back - how? Why, etc. This note as I often mention in my diary is to get the damn thing out of my way.

Reflections are crucial - many people term it as over thinking. I think it’s important to think things through but also know when to end. 

Now, I am done and dusted with the lower. 

Postscript: (The logical mind wins) Detective B: While talking a walk next day my friend told me the color was grey and not black which made me conclude that it was not mine. It was a whoop of joy when I discovered both neatly folded and kept along with the folded cloths of (who else) the wife. (updated 48 hrs after the post :) :) :)

Leading a slow life series - 1

During my month-long trip to Assam & Kolkata, I saw so many events on sustainability happening in Bangalore but when the HSR cycling event happened last weekend I could not go as I was tied up with some work. Every week as a weekend to-do I read reviews of movies and books released - some which end up on my list to watch or directly get added as a Watchlist on various platforms. 

FOMO is something which I feel drives me and many of us. I have tried to consciously block the feeling and be happy with the choices I make. Unfortunately it is so hard wired that it creeps its ugly head as soon as I decide to make a choice. Which we do every moment in our capitalist society where freedom is equal to choice. Max It! is no longer the mantra but making a mindful choice is. 

Added to this is the pressure to perform - As soon as I saw the Bhoomi Workshop, the first thought was - I have to visit the 3 day sustainability workshop as I will connect with so many people and understand stuff around sustainability. That's the instant reaction. You have to pause and take a deep breath so you can choose the session which may interest you and attend only those sessions balancing it with personal commitments. It’s no longer about performance appraisal but more about immersion and learning at your own time and pace.

Leading a slow life requires you to be still and do check-ins with mindfulness activities which will bring you back to the center. We don’t need any self help book or app. Just focusing on your breath and doing deep breathing with your eyes closed for 3 minutes can bring you back to the center. We have to challenge ourselves to do this else we will run the same race which we quit.

There are many ways I connect back to my center whenever I get derailed (which is quite often):

Music: I think headphones were the best invention in the modern world, as it helps me block the noise around and get my focus back. Listening to instrumental - Indian classical especially santoor & flute & western classical - violin, cello or morning / evening ragas - Even during my crazy corporate days I used to always begin the days with these and they were the most productive days. The 2 K’s which are permanent are Kishore and Kabir - both gave soul and meaning to my days.

Walks, Runs, Yoga followed by a hot water bath: Any physical activity tires me but gets the adrenaline going but brings me back to a more active self. This morning ritual keeps me going wherever I am.

Postscript: There are 2 videos in this link, https://www.ted.com/talks/barry_schwartz_the_paradox_of_choice?language=en  

• The paradox of choice by Barry Schwartz

• The art of choosing by Sheena Iyengar

There are also books by the same name which you can read, but get a good preview on these TED talks. I think the essence is good enough.