Today, as I sat with a blank screen and closed door nothing was coming to my head.
I told myself - Write Something ?
Amit whose podcast The Seen and Unseen
is the only podcast I listened to over the years and one of oft repeated line is “Writing Shapes you?”. He often puts across that question to many of his guests. Gurucharan Das who was his guest recently says “It does not changes me but make me more aware.” I agree - writing is the only instrument which helps me and maybe many of us reflect. Unlike thinking which after a point burrows you in a rabbit hole from which it becomes difficult to extract yourself, writing creates a space between the thought and the pen and the paper. One of the best thing about Service pace was the reflection exercise which we had to daily after reading, listening, seeing about a topic. I would back go back in my memory and thing how a particular idea like compassion played a role, examples recent and old, movies, activities so many things starts unfolding as you start writing.
Like I did in last 15 minutes.
We have been having long discussion on dreams as it was my partners dream to own a villa, the original dream was to make her own house which slipped away as she had other goals to fulfill. So in most weekends, we drive 50 km away from city to see if we can buy something which suits our budget and her sensibilities. After one villa was loved and seemed perfect we decided not to buy it as it meant investing a lot of money on something which we don’t know we will live in or not. But it’s your dream - the girls screamed how can you say no to it. You have earned and saved for this. Because the argument was that if we don’t buy now we may not end up buying after 2 years when I will be 60 and she in mid 50’s.
I had a dream of seeing the world which I gave up chasing, meaning I won’t regret now. Because the whole build up and the attachment to any dream kills the joy of enjoying a dream. It’s a weird way of putting it. I had rather drop it and be super exited amd max it even if I get to go to 1 country. Otherwise it becomes crossing a list. I wanted ipad, bose, a home theater in a basement surrounded with movie posters, where I can burrow myself in my movies. Yes sound romantic and worth chasing.
I no longer loose sleep on these things.
These days, if I get 7 hrs of good sleep, my bowels are clear, I eat good clean food, have a day where there is no conflict, read my paper or book in a corner of house which has some sunlight - it’s a day where I have lived a dream.
C’est la vie.
