Many years back as part of my common purpose course we were visiting an NGO who created books and supported the blind. Run by a blind women who had faced challenge in reading she had started this to convert books into audio.
As we reached the place, about 200 meters before the place we were all blindfolded with instructions on how to reach the place. Very simple - straight roads and turns / steps were mentioned. Since we were in a group and as it happens in group - iii becomes a kind of group challenge and it’s all fun because you know there are folks who will take care of u.
Fact was that most of us did not reach - it sort of gave a peek into a blind person’s world. Yes we could connect immediately when our blindfold was removed and we met with children who were blind but they performed all tasks as if they were not - from moving around, cleaning their plates, keeping it in the right place and of course they performed in front all of us, some singing, some dancing, some presenting.
Confident & Smiling. No Different from us
Cut to 7th January 23
With the last night of the family looming before Jo leave for Pilani we all stretched to 1 am partying my body clock woke me up at 5. And my body was tuned for my customary run on Sunday so I went ahead and did my 8K. Next day was airport drop so got up at 5, so again a short sleep for me and disturbed as well as due to frequent checking of alarm :(
Came home and realized that I was feeling a constant buzz on my left ear as if a bee was buzzing constantly. It was not momentary but constantly and continued for 2 days and 2 nights disrupting my day completely, I could not sleep properly a constant thought coming to me if my ears got damaged or how will it feel as I cannot enjoy my movies and songs properly & I have to go to a doctor etc. No amount of positive thinking, meditation helped.
For next few days It just overturned my life. I did not speak about it to others as I thought it will go away on it’s own and also I was not sure if the sound was really there as it was just my quirk. Once can explain stomach pain or fever but this….
Yesterday night after tossing and turning I took a sleeping pill and slept for seven and half hours and as per my sleep tracker I had a deep sleep of 41% which is more than double the normal night and when I got up the buzz was gone.
I had to move my ear and try to listen more carefully and sort of moved around a bit to believe that I am back to reality. Like you pinch yourself to check if you are not dreaming.
The whole experience gave me a peek into disability or rather sudden disability - like you have an accident and your leg gets amputated or you go blind or lose your hearing. Those who are born with disability have time to get accustomed to it and there is a whole support system trying to bring them up to speed. It’s not that there life is less difficult but this suddenness is akin to moving into a black hole.
In a way it is similar to falling sick or getting to know that you have cancer and the only last milestone is death. Both my father who passed away & father in law who is still alive have gone / going through this.
I am generally told that I overthink, I guess that’s why I write - to clear my head, but this was an experience worth recording. At mid 50’s you can get hit by curb ball any day. Unlike corporate life the only curb ball is health & family.
I am trying to make peace with both.
I have nowhere to go, no list to strike off and nothing to prove.
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