The Relationship Puzzle

2 powerful movies which dig deeper into relationships but are too close to our daily life. You have to have the patience and the desire to discover something new to see both the movies.

Everything is Cinema - Don Palathara (MUBI)

This is almost like a podcast with visuals mostly black and white and shot with a hand held camera during lock down. In brief a new director shoots his wife surreptitiously and tells whatever he has in mind about their relationship (his views). The guy is arrogant and the girl is normal like any other actress. 

What’s new? Well the format is very different, you may or may not like it. I was OK, like I mentioned above it’s like his diary & hence a peek into the person’s mind and what goes on in it. It’s typical in all relationships that we speak 25% and keep 75% inside. For many it may be just the opposite, I belong to the 25 % category hence I coils relate to many of his thought process but I found the character to be a MCP which is not my type and at times jarring. 

Since the movie has nothing else to offer, you have to be psychiatrist type or someone who is inherently interested in ‘what goes on in that min’ type to like the movie.  

The Humans - Stephen Karam (MUBI)

This is again a movie where a family gathers for Thanksgiving and as the movie & the evening progresses one discovers the fault lines in the family. (Like I mentioned above) The 75% which is kept inside a person’s mind comes out in certain moments & The Humans is a brilliant portrayal of the same. It was just too close to my reality and hence was a bit discomforting.

Unlike Everything is cinema, this was almost like a play, the stage was a rundown apartment in lower Manhattan, just like a play. Each and every shot, dialogue, background sound has been choreographed to create a perfect symphony. It’s a movie I would like to watch again just from an education on making a perfect movie. 

Relationships: If I keep aside the animation and sci-fi and superhero kind of movies which will form 10% of all movies made. Rest 90% of movies are made around relationships. In Bollywood this may be 99%. For all the research which  has happened on relationships, there is no perfect equation of a relationship. Most relationships are flawed which is natural, because all of us are changing every moment, our mind and hence our biases and views are also changing rapidly especially with so much information floating on social media.

There is another extreme which we have been discussing between us (friends of similar age) that our parents and many of their contemporaries do not want to change. Even though they have a deteriorating health they refuse to shift base because of their emotional attachment although it may be life threatening. Or, they still treat us like guests or children and insist on making different dishes despite telling them not to.

Relationship is a puzzle which unlike Rubik’s cube you can master. But we can keep trying.

Pujo in 20 22

After 2 years we visited a Pandal of Durga Puja and also gave Anjali. While I did my pranam & turned back I found my wife rooted to the place almost in a meditative state. Later she explained that this was a place called Durga Bari in Bani Park, Jaipur where she had first come in tiny frocks and pony tails and played around with her friends innocently without actually fathoming the significance. Seeing the kids zig-zagging in the pandal reminded her of her childhood. 

None of us are deeply religious, in one of those debates I had asked my younger daughter - Does she believe in God ? No, she replied and she specified that she does not believe in idol worship but she does believe in some higher power and celebrates Pujo or other festivals because of the shared love and sense of community.

Looking around as I was reflecting on these thoughts I found an extremely frail women holding crutches and waiting to give anjali, A mother & a family posing along with the Durga idol to take photos, youngsters busy with their phone and many families lining up for having spicy bong food in the multiple stalls which is generally put up in any pujo.

In Kolkata I read about a special place and provision made for cancer patients & a replica of the twin tower of Malaysia created as a pandal. I am sure there are many such pandals where the karigars & decorators start work almost 1 month back to create these innovative pandals. People will buy jewellery, clothes and cars - A per today’s paper the online companies have done a business of Rs. 3.5 billion in their first wave of sales. 

As I was leaving the pandal I was trying to answer the question why religion existed or exists in today's world and the relevance of it. The celebration has been taken over by marketing hence promoting consumption. There is actually no sense of community and feeling of brotherhood (neighbourhood) because except for a core group of maybe 25 - 50 families, it is more to see the decoration and enjoy the food & have fun. So, again driving consumption.

The true believers don’t need the razzmatazz of the pandal, they are like the old lady whom I saw who is probably disconnected with the rest of the world and this is the only connection left in the world. 

Only Murders in the Building

I always look at lists or reviews  to select a particular movie to see. At times some of the movies which are highly revered make no sense but 7/10 times these movies are what I was looking for and enthral me, give me my moment of bliss in an otherwise chaotic or mundane day. 

But sometimes I just rely on instinct - where the past memories of movies / reviews / actors or whatever defines instinct I choose a movie or documentary but rarely a series Because series needs investment in time. 

Only Murders in the building was one such series I whimsically picked (I think driven by the combination of the 2 of the most underrated funny actors Martin Short & Steve Martin) and saw the first episode enroute to Bangalore. I loved it so much that by the next day I finished the series. It was much before it garnered good reviews from many many people. I just finished Season 2 and I quite liked the way S2 built the past stories of the lead actors into the present. I think most of the reviews were not very favourable (season 1 was better according to the press) but personally I liked it. Of course S1 had the novelty which any 1st season of a series has..It’s like most marriages / relationships - 1st year is the best because there is no benchmark. 

So, what do I like:

I like the lightness of the series - In a stupid parallel I thought it was very much like the Rishikesh Mukherjee / Basu Chatterjee + Amol Palekar movies of 70’s. You come out feeling good and happy and a smile automatically comes to your face.

The characters are fallible, they all have a problem past, like all of us which haunt us, we run away from them & in most cases unknowingly drives our present. 

The fact that both lead actors are 70+. At 53, I can relate to the relationships they have with their families, their need of feeling loved and cared for & a kind of silent rejection by society as people whose time of fun & frolic is in the past.

I also like the overall production value, the Aconia building and the beautiful houses with rugs and interior designs done in a fashion that each house looks different but very upstate NY. 

Lastly I love the pets & special appearances by Sting, Shirley Maclaine and many others which brings in a change and also lifts the show from it’s regular rhythm.

When time stands still

I entered our Delhi house after 4 years. The last time I entered was to do baba’s shradh in 2018. This time when I entered, It was like time stood still - the photographs from my childhood to my kids early teen, the kitchen with utensils and plates in which we made and had food, the toilet broken because of misuse, the beds & chairs dusty, with a layer of sand - it was like when you pause a movie while editing it. Only difference is that here we didn’t have the actors and could not unpause it.

Except in memory of course. But then memory also is like the fishes hidden in the crevices of stones deep in the ocean - difficult to retrieve. But when I came into our home it was like a tsunami of memory which hit me and stunned me. I stood still for a long time till I got my senses back. My mind had to move from heart to mind - because I was here to empty the house. To remove the physical baggage once and for all. 

In my journey from Delhi to Solan as the flat lands gave away to hills, the ebb and flow of thoughts also reduced or did they go numb. I reflected on this, what is the trigger for any recall, objects, photos, songs & movies heard and seen together - shared spaces like a house. When we grew up in the 70's & 80 there was mostly nothing called personal space. All the fathers friends were uncle & their wives aunties & their children were our friends - we went for picnics, saw movies together, we huddled together in a TV room (called ante room - i still don’t know why ?) to see Star Trek and Spiderman. We played all possible games from pitto (7 stones), gulli danda, football, cricket. Then there were all the festivals & programs - everyone celebrated all festivals. 

That’s the way it was in Air Force cantonment areas - I am hoping the same continues even now. Unless the mobile has intruded and divided the children. When my children were growing up in Bangalore the apartment also had a similar culture and I am happy that the kids were mobile free and enjoyed the friendship, many of which they still maintain - yes on mobile :)  

As I lock the house, heavy winds start blowing and very soon rain follows. I walk in the rain with tears in my eyes and rain on my face merging the past and present in a single stream.

Khosla Ka Ghosla

Last few months, in fact for a year now, I have been trying to sell baba’s house in Delhi. Speaking to brokers is the first because without them nothing moves especially if you are selling a DDA flat. 

So there were brokers of all kinds

• one who is based in Uttarakhand but has someone who will get it done - Ho Jayega Sir! Don’t worry! Was a common statement and after they visit the house they will list out all the reasons why it will be difficult to sell and try to get the price down.

• One who stays below & got someone to agree to buy and after the discussion quietly said - ‘Mujhe 1% dena’ For what I asked. Introduction Ke.

• There were few brothers - every time I called their wife would pick up and say - haa ghar dikhane haye, which was complete nonsense - because no one showed up. 

Operating out of Bangalore and having stayed here for 16 years I was a soft spoken south Indian who did not speak any south Indian language but had lost the Delhi swagger. All those who stayed in Delhi will understand what I mean. Slowly I moved from English to Hindi not only in speech but also text (W app) and I could immediately see a change in the response.

Thankfully, the broker was soft spoken, while I was prepared for a war it was armistice right from the first call and thanked my stars that I got a level headed guy to deal with. Even the buyer was good so was able to close everything - My Bangalore gentleness was appreciated by both :)

Postscript: Khosla Ka Ghosla is a 2006 film which was directed by Dibakar Bannerjee and won the National Award for the best feature film. Kamal Kishore Khosla is a middle-class man living in New Delhi where he has purchased a plot of land to build a house. It's a black comedy also starring Ranvir Shenoy & Vinay Pathak duo. You can see it in Disney.

Blissful MT days in Mumbai

My first job was my dream job of being in the advertising world of Lintas, it was the best years of advertising (95 - 97), especially the media industry. There were limited PC’s and using a home grown tool which we used to make iterations and take out reach frequency printouts to get the best fit. Being the youngest had the advantage of having a godmother in Ambika & a closer father figure & mentor in Partho Da. 

It was fun filled days where we used to keep travelling from Parel to Express Towers for meeting with the servicing team and sometimes with the HLL brand teams & our work would start only in the evening and go on till late especially if there was a presentation coming up or an annual planning discussion.

Dinner from Noorani’s in Haji Ali was a favourite with many of us especially the Bheja Fry & huge Roti’s which we had to pull & bite with all our strength to eat it. Shibu used to generally order and we used to all pull in and then he would redistribute once he claimed. Being in the media we were invited to parties with free daaru & food to boot, then there were movie screenings where we got passes for the preview shows. This was 95 & HLL so TV was dominant in all our plans. All of us would take common cabs to reach these parties and then split - many times we would come back to work.

Those were days when seniors invited the entire gang to the house, 2 such occasions were very memorable. Being the junior most, going to a HOD’s house for drinks and dinner was a bit scary in those days but it was like a family and everyone treated everyone else on the same level in these sessions. It was really beautiful. Thanks to Shibu I was given extra drinks and was made high, thankfully I just kept my mouth shut :) So I escaped any embarrassment. 

I continued this trend when I left Lintas - even though I had 2 small girls at home, my colleagues in Titan would come over and many of my happiest moments were when they came over to my house and we were up till late bitching, gossiping, singing and just letting go. 

Then there were picnics we went to Murud Janjira in a bus I think and stayed in a dorm kind of place, Pio played guitar and we sang songs till late at night on the beach and next day we took a boat to the fort & played volleyball inside in the sea and then of course we sang all the way back - hoarse and sleepy. 

The cab rides when you don’t have money & hoping that your roomie is in the room and will pay when you reach your home are unforgettable (talk about risk taking) & taking the last train out of Churchgate was a big talking point the next day at the office. 

Many of the above are family lore, I have retold them so many times. 

Thanks to Akbar’s post (of the pic above) it triggered so many faces and memories that I had to write it today. Miss you all - wish there was time travel - till then FB will do, Happy to be back here.

TM Krishna & Immersion

Very few living people amaze me, TM Krishna is one such person. It’s not that I am an expert on him or that I read his book The Spirit of Enquiry, which I plan to read now. You can read many of the essays in probably 2 of the best independent and thought provoking news sites which I visit (Scroll & The wire). In fact it’s a scroll article which is making me write this small note.

I have just seen one of his presentations in NCPA when during lockdown, NCPA had opened its archive for free viewing. He was presenting on the topic - Art & Activism in Tata Literature Live festival. For that 1 hr or more he was speaking I just could not get out of my chair. The way he spoke with complete passion & belief - meaning of art & activism & how music relates to it, it was like an immersive experience of you being in his mind. It was like he had meditated on this topic for hours and hours and formed his point of view - whether you agree or disagree.

I found the similar sense - when today I heard him sing the Ashoka edict & the subsequent interview. He is probably the first person who has put this edict on music. I have never heard carnatic music but I heard and read the edict (it was translated in English although it did not bring out the full meaning of edict and was quite superficial, I could make it as I read the real text which he was singing). 

Again, here if you hear him speak, you could see the same quality of him immersing himself into the words and its pronunciation and how he spent time putting it in music. More importantly, it was not just the music, the reason why he wanted to do this. How, as he read, understood and created the music - the music started talking to him & he and music became the same. Which is what in my mind the true essence of music & you can see it in the eyes of Pandit Ravi Shankar - if you see him playing in a concert or any other greats. As a listener we take refuge in that moment through them and feel blissful.

I have never in life read the edicts - but as I heard and read it. I found it so relevant at these times that it lifted me up - that someone could write it in the 3rd century BC. If we just followed it the world wouldn’t have been where it is now with all the conflicts across countries, states, language, caste, environment. I know it was not a possibility & never will be but the mindfulness of the edict was really astounding. 

Some time back I wrote about the meaning of life - and this is a clear example of someone who has put out something because it provoked / enlightened him / spoke to him and he hoped that the same will happen to many of us who read or hear it. From the outside at least it looks like he has found the meaning of life at least for those moments when he worked on the edicts, till his next search journey or project begins. All of us should be lucky enough to get at least 1 shot at this moment(s) if not more.

Here’s till the next one.

Read the scroll article here: https://scroll.in/article/1032229/why-emperor-ashoka-still-matters-historian-nayanjot-lahiri-and-vocalist-tm-krishna-in-conversation (pls listen to the edicts )

One of the books on Ashoka recommended by Manu Pillai (one of my favourite history story teller) : The great Mughal by Ira Mukhoty. https://www.amazon.in/Akbar-Great-Mughal-Ira-Mukhoty/dp/9389836042/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Ira+Mukhoty&qid=1662623595&s=books&sr=1-1 (Buy it here)

Some TM Krishna articles, you can read them here:

https://m.thewire.in/byline/t-m-krishna 

https://scroll.in/author/2876

Memoria

Apichatpong Weerasethakul’s Memoria starts with a sonic sensation, a “bang” that wakes up Tilda Swinton’s Jessica Holland. The noise propels her body and thus the narrative, inasmuch as it sets the viewer’s trajectory onto the realms of sound. In other words, the film becomes all about sound; about hearing, listening and feeling; about the whole notions of the smallest details the sound can produce, which we, the viewers-listeners, microdose along with the screening.

In Memoria - the story is driven by a memory of a sound and Jessica’s search to find the source of this sound. The thump which only she can hear while walking, or having a meal with her family - can you imagine how it would feel the disquiet of a weird sound which only you can hear. The first thought would be that it is a dream but that we don’t dream while eating. 

She tries to recreate the sound in a sound studio & then that person disappears (no answer given in the movie) & exasperated she tells her friend - she is going mad. Not able to sleep, she wanders on the outskirts of the city where she meets someone who is like a shaman (in jeans & shirt) who can help her see the dream / go back in time and connect with the sound. And there is a spacecraft which flies off - Was that the source of sound? Maybe. Left to interpretation. It got the Cannes Critics award.

The movie has an extremely slow pace and shots are almost like still shots so the camera will focus on a particular person for 3 minutes while a jazz ensemble is playing in the background. Similarly on sound it is all real sound of forest & birds & trees - for this reason the movie was shot in Columbia. 

I came out feeling lost and only after hearing the interviews & podcasts could make some sense of it. I could then empathize with what Jessica was going through. I have gone through this phase of carrying something on my head or in my dream or suddenly awakened but not able to describe the sensation. For me it was disturbing and the sensation it created could not be described in words for anybody else - so you stay quiet & pass it off as insomnia. Which is what she does. 

You have to be in the character's mind to really appreciate such movies. Many of the movies in MUBI which have world movies (in all possible languages) I come out wondering what it’s all about. You will have to  

Postscript: Next on my list.

In the recent Fahadh Faasil-starrer Malayankunju, set against the calamitous landslides across Kerala in 2019, the full force of the natural disaster is felt like a violent jolt. We hear nothing for a few seconds before and after Faasil’s house comes crashing down. Sound, both the presence and absence of it, plays one of the key role in the movie.

In one of our movie discussions Jai Arjun Singh who conducts these sessions said “If you are seeing Malaykunju, see it when the room is dark, don’t see it on phone, see it on a large screen with a good sound system or with headphones otherwise don’t see it. He was emphatic about it as always”

Floods - 3

Some time back I wrote about the floods and as a cue - On Monday 5th September most parts of Bengaluru was flooded including our basement. Even today there were videos of apartments in Yamlur. The water levels inside the apartment complex was so high that only a tractor could go in. Each villa here costs 8 cr. In the video you could see Lexus, Mercedes and other high end cars completely submerged. 

The rumour is that these apartments were built on top of a storm water drain which blocked the passage of water. There are only 2 kinds of people who can afford a 8 Cr villa - either a business man or a C-Suite professional. I can pardon the businessman for not being knowledgeable or he may have bought for investment. But the other category - did they not know about the possibility of rain water - I doubt because most of them would have pre-booked the apartment when the builder would have just shown the drawings & created a model flat.

In Faridabad Omaxe made us wait for 3 years from the expected date of possession & after that there was no water as the ground water had receded so all water was supplied only through tankers. There are multiple other cases where the builders are primarily responsible but in all the tweets & news nobody is complaining about them. Of course the govt - builder nexus is well known, since they are the final authority they should audit and question these builders even before they start construction.

Tomorrow or the day after, a huge mass of people will rise and start going back to the office, will they remember the experience, and how will they bring in change? I have been asking that question to myself - having decided to be in sustainability space, as I start reading about the Pakistan Floods, Bangalore Floods & earthquake in China & there may be smaller incidents which go undocumented like bleaching of corals or the disappearing antarctic ice - news which appear in one corner of a website and since we are not affected by it, many of us will ignore. 

The more you read you get daunted by the challenge we face. But there are people with twinkle in their eyes & deep knowledge: 

The below article is written by an water expert on what can be done:

https://scroll.in/article/1032209/bengalurus-flood-devastation-is-the-tyranny-of-small-decisions-water-expert-vishwanath-s 

Meet the water warriors. These people I salute. 

https://campaign.thebetterindia.com/indiaswaterwarrior/ 

In sandman when dream fights hell, it’s an imaginary game which is played out and in the last round dream is covered by darkness something like black hole and for a moment hell thinks she will win, but dream breaks the spell by a 4 letter word HOPE - which is what keeps the humanity going after the floods, after the rains, earthquake or wars.  

See it here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ya-wSF-8w-E - probably one of the best sequences in Sandman.

News - Circa September 22

Reading news in a newspaper form has been a habit for the last 30 years. I am so obsessed that the newspaper guys at times get thoroughly confused. On Saturday & Sunday I take weekend editions of Mint - Mint Lounge & The Hindu magazine  and weekdays ET or TOI. The experience of holding the paper and reading the newspaper is something till now could not be replaced by reading the same on a mobile or an app. 

The same is true for books - Books have now encroached my wardrobe and they lie their forlorn between by dwindling formal shirts and t’s and jackets. The wife has switched to a kindle I just could not. So I end up carrying huge - fat books through airports, fortunately this will be a thing of the past as I move to train & bus as my primary transport and get out of my corporate travel.

But as they say - change is in the air. Here’s the new outlook, circa September 22. 

When I looked objectively at reading the newspaper I realized it was a real waste of valuable time trying to read things which I did not want to. I would just scan the paper to understand what’s happening in India & around the world but many of it I would detest like the politics or the killings and murders etc. Most news spread despair and were witch hunts. 

So I unsubscribed from the daily newspaper and kept only the weekend which had interesting articles and reviews of books / movies or events etc - more in the culture zone. Which is what I like - especially Mint Lounge & Hindu magazine whose quality of articles I loved

I subscribed to In Shorts for quick updates on mobile, and bookmarked a few independent websites like Scroll, the wire, quint for a more detailed reading. I registered on Splainer but after reading the mails did not join the paid subscription. Somehow the choice of topic did not appeal to me. I plan to subscribe to CTQ compounds once I am back from my month long sojourn. I also looked at the sites spreading positive news like logical indian, the better india - you can visit them for some sudden visit of inspiration like our story but not a daily news feed. I also picked a few instagram posts around sustainability & columnists & writers in Twitter whom I will follow.  

Done with the pre-work - I set a time of an hr in the morning for catch up & afternoon for long article reading and research on topics I liked especially videos to arouse me from sleep. Night for research and my personal writing. 

Let’s see how it goes. 

Mile Sur Mera Tumhara

On 31st India celebrated Ganesh Chaturthi and welcomed prosperity to their home. Unfortunately we had to close all doors, windows, pull curtains whatever we could that could muffle the sounds of loudspeaker blaring in our neighborhood. Me in Bangalore had to first listen to Kannad songs and then the entertainment program - where from children to teenagers to aunties sang poems to rock songs to shlokas. Most of them were out of tune and just needed the mic to run amok - which they did.   

The wife had a headache, the adult kid put on Bose Quiet Comfort and grooved to her songs and me occupying the drawing room had to take the brunt of the sound as I am closest to the window which is closest to the speaker. If in Mumbai I would have at least heard Hindi songs which I did when I stayed there for a year - there drums & orchestra ruled and unlike in Bangalore they walked in the road with people dancing on streets, bursting crackers. Then there is Dahi handi where people form  a human pyramid and burst the handi or splash colored water on everyone. Roads are blocked and we were advised to go home early or WFH. During the 2 years of COVID these gatherings were banned but this year it’s the 2nd day running that I have to listen to this.

Whom does one complain to ? Do we actually want to complain and spoil the fun which the kids and families of ISRO (the neighborhood) are having at our cost ? The answer to the 2nd question is NO, we just grit our teeth and bear it. That’s what we call accommodating which most right wing members don’t agree with when they ban azan’s being played from a mosque & reading of namaz on the roads. 

These days we are trolled,warned & then jailed if you raise your voice especially if you belong to a minority or supporting them or rallying against the current wave of authoritarianism. Land within & around mosques are dug up to find idols hence linking it to a lineage of HIndu. Most of us are not impacted or ever will be because many of these events are far far away & just a news item which we may read and discard. Maybe have an intellectual discussion around it. But I think that will be the end of it.  

It’s sad what we have become & becoming, on 15th August - someone forwarded one of the first India songs - mile sur mera tumhara. Many of us have grown up listening to that, it was a nice song like the Hamara Bajaj ad. It gave us a feeling of pride - pride for being such a vast sub-continent with so many languages and traditions. There was nothing more to it. 

I would rather have 100 people enjoy the Ganesh Chaturthi in my neighboring compound or ignore the azaan being read in loud speaker every morning or not bat an eyelid if my food is delivered by a minority group person or a beautician who comes home from the north east or the security guard protecting my apartment once belonged to Bangladesh and migrated during partition.

That’s my way …mile sur mera tumhara.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-jf6pwtPqCs The video here.

How will you measure your life ?

Many years back I stumbled on this book in a library. It is a very small book and this was from someone who had started the whole story of innovation way back in 19 97. I had recommended the book to many of my friends, Like any other philosophy this asks the usual question but approaches it like any other Harvard article it approaches it like a problem to be solved and hence gives certain ideas which are based on past cases / situations.

In brief it said the same thing which Stephen Covey said - value relationships, find time to nurture them, do what you love and believe in, but 1 thing which was new and stuck me - was Compromising your integrity is a slippery slope, therefore don’t do it. This is explained beautifully (Have you decided on something that was in contradiction in what you believe; however, justified it as a decision you’d just take “just this once?” This is an illustration of how detrimental these exceptions can be - i vaguely remembered an example which he had mentioned from his life where he was the key team member of a basketball play off and since the timing clashed with his prayers if I am not wrong - he was desperate to go but he did not.)

Don’t get into the trap of - Just this once. It stuck me because we are making these exceptions all the time - at least I do. So, it’s not about the big battle or decision but it’s about the small ones we fight every day (I did not want to use plastic bag but the eggs would break if I wrap it in paper and put in the bag - I will take it just this once and next time get the egg case, this happened few weeks back - You cannot compromise on that). I know it can be super tough - but that’s the only way to live a life of integrity. 

At 50 & at the crossroads - I also asked this question to myself a few years back, a larger question of what would mean to lead a life of integrity for the next 25 years. How will I measure my life ? If you think hard, the choices in front of you will astound you because there is so much you can do as compared to when we passed out of school or college - But after running the corporate race for the last 25 years the first thing one needs to do is unlearn & slow down. If one wants to.

Some thoughts which came to my mind was:

1. Spread Joy and Happiness every day, Give if nothing else time. (Read volunteer)

2. Live a slow, uncluttered & sustainable life (read Don’t buy) 

3. Make earth more sustainable - Can I be passionate about this?

4. Reconnect with friends & extended family 

5. Rekindle your passions - read(classics, translations, long form articles), write (daily), see (B/W movies), hear (amazing world of podcasts), experience creativity (plays, paintings, installations), run, travel, cook.

These are not goals but principles with which many of us want to live by and not uncommon but then the “just this once” catches on and we slip. 

Once I had time to think and had the space to practice, I still had to work really hard to unwire (because we are so hard wired in our consumption habits) just say no because many actions happen unconsciously and under pressure of social discomfort that you have to be prepared to be uncomfortable and ready for confrontation with your own self.

The self which you have created.  

Letting Go is the toughest part - I am hoping the rest will follow. I am still learning.

Postscript: See Pixar’s latest offering Turning Red on Disney to understand the above :)

Ganesh Chaturthi - Mile Sur mera Tumhara

On 31st India celebrated Ganesh Chaturthi and welcomed prosperity to their home. Unfortunately we had to close all doors, windows, pull curtains whatever we could that could muffle the sounds of loudspeaker blaring in our neighbourhood. Me in Bangalore had to first listen to Kannad songs and then the entertainment program - where from children to teenagers to aunties sang poems to rock songs to shlokas. Most of them were out of tune and just needed the mic to run amok - which they did.   

The wife had a headache, the adult kid put on Bose Quiet Comfort and grooved to her songs and me occupying the drawing room had to take the brunt of the sound as I am closest to the window which is closest to the speaker. If in Mumbai I would have at least heard hindi songs which I did when I stayed there for a year - there drums & orchestra ruled and unlike in Bangalore they walked in the road with people dancing on streets, bursting crackers. Then there is Dahi handi where people form  a human pyramid and burst the handi or splash coloured water on everyone. Roads are blocked and we were advised to go home early or WFH. During the 2 years of COVID these gatherings were banned but this year it’s the 2nd day running that I have to listen to this.

Whom does one complain to ? Do we actually want to complain and spoil the fun which the kids and families of ISRO (the neighborhood) are having at our cost ? The answer to the 2nd question is NO, we just grit our teeth and bear it. That’s what we call accommodating which most right wing members don’t agree with when they ban azan’s being played from a mosque & reading of namaz on the roads. 

These days we are trolled,warned & then jailed if you raise your voice especially if you belong to a minority or supporting them or rallying against the current wave of authoritarianism. Land within & around mosques are dug up to find idols hence linking it to a lineage of Hindu. Most of us are not impacted or ever will be because many of these events are far far away & just a news item which we may read and discard. Maybe have an intellectual discussion around it. But I think that will be the end of it.  

It’s sad what we have become & becoming, on 15th August - someone forwarded one of the first India songs - mile sur mera tumhara. Many of us have grown up listening to that, it was a nice song like the Hamara Bajaj ad. It gave us a feeling of pride - pride for being such a vast sub-continent with so many languages and traditions. There was nothing more to it. 

I would rather have 100 people enjoy the Ganesh Chaturthi in my neighbouring compound or ignore the azaan being read in loud speaker every morning or not bat an eyelid if my food is delivered by a minority group person or a beautician who comes home from the north east or the security guard protecting my apartment once belonged to Bangladesh and migrated during partition.

That’s my way …mile sur mera tumhara.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-jf6pwtPqCs The video here.

Postscript: https://scroll.in/article/1031841/first-ram-now-ganesh-how-the-gods-are-being-drafted-in-the-battles-of-hindutva-politics

Dreams n Sandman

These are the times of endless aisles, endless scrolls, endless choice & in Sandman we have the realm of endless dreams. I think it was 2010 when I was exploring graphic novels - So it started with the usual Maus, Persepolis, (a relatively unknown) but equally pathbreaking Vanni which is about the Sri Lankan civil war. I never got to read Sandman because the vol 1 cost 2k & there were no 2nd hand editions in Blossoms. I guess whoever bought it bought it for keeps.

So, when news of Sandman being made was in the air - it was the obvious choice to see the series. I have a very limited interest in series as it’s like a vortex which sucks you in and time tags along happily and before you know it precious life-time is wasted to finish a series. 

Sandman was not different, I came out with a mixed feeling as this is not a genre I am comfortable with - mythology, gods, demons, dark magic and everything around it. Especially the ghastliness about it - we had people having human eyes & using human skin to make etc. 

If you have seen Inside Out by Pixar which is a very educational film about what goes in your mind then Sandman is what happens in your dreams / nightmares & their relationship with destiny, death, despair, desire, destruction & delirium. Desire & Despair are twins. Siblings of Dream.

Like Inside Out - Sandman has a parallel to our life as we go through all the above - why each of us experience the above is different for each of us. But the search for an answer is always there in our mind and probably one of the reasons why Sandman has a cult-like following but I think also when it came out in 1989 and went on till 1996 - it was one of the first in this genre. It published 75 issues. You can read more about it (as always) here - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Sandman_(comic_book) 

The Sandman comic book series falls within the dark fantasy genre, albeit in a more contemporary and modern setting - this is how wiki defines it & like me there would be many who will not identify with it - but we will end up seeing it because of its legacy and fame. 

At the core of it is the creativity in creating a parallel universe, a universe full of imaginations. Isn't it why we like Harry Potter, Game of Thrones and all other fantasy series & the science fiction. For me that’s the pull - imagining a whole new universe. But Sandman is different because it meshes the imaginary world with the real world & the imaginary world i.e. dreams is also in a way reality because your brain conceives it. Your subconscious is responsible for the same which is again driven by your thoughts & experiences. 

Confusing & Difficult to define, see it to figure it.

The importance of philosophy in life

All of us get philosophical after 2 drinks or when we are down and out and (importantly alone). Listening to Simon Garfunkel singing - ‘The bridge of troubled water’ or ‘Sound of Silence’ - when you think the world has beaten you or Bob Dylan singing ‘Blowing in the wind’ or ‘Tambourine Man’ - when you see a desperate man begging at your street - the song is just a start of a chain of thought which may lead you to shape your next step.

Yesterday, feeling a bit mixed & being alone at home, I picked up Ikigai (a famous book) by Hector Garcia, which I had read a few years back - like a novel. I had read about ikigai in an HBR article many years back and spent some time thinking through the ikigai diagram (see pic).

I generally flipped and read about Wabi-Sabi: In brief Wabi-Sabi is a Japanese concept that shows us the beauty of the fleeting & changeable and imperfect nature of the world around us. Instead of searching for beauty in perfection, we should look for it in things which are flawed, incomplete.      

In a way the concept tosses away the whole ideal of perfection - which is what we all chase and is mostly a western concept. Why should one believe in this suddenly, having polished our presentations to make it perfect after making multiple changes. Because we know - that’s the way nature is - imperfect & I guess we are all tired after trying to be perfect all the while - as a role model & the work we do. 

For me, philosophy always gives meaning to my life - the imperfect one. I also feel there is not one philosophy and hence in that sense it’s imperfect - else why would I take the effort of reading a Japanese philosophy. The core purpose of philosophy is not the philosophy but the feelings it evokes and hence allows you to reflect back in your life & help shape a better future. 

While ikigai is a philosophical book a lot of my philosophy is imbibed by music - It was 2019 when I attended a Kabir singing session organised in someone’s balcony in Bangalore. A session by Vipul Rikhi, where he took 1 Kabir song, explained the meaning of it and actually made all of us sing. It was one of those A-Ha moments when I fell in love with Kabir songs and listening to Kabir has become almost a daily ritual. Probably one of my best finds in 2019 was Soundcloud, a platform for amateur singers. 

I discovered so many singers who may not be known to the larger world but are singing for the joy of singing. Listening to Kabir & thanks to auto play led me to Baul Geeti (for bongs) or Qawali & Rajasthani (hindi) folk music. 

Most of these songs in a way are talking about the same thing - it’s a short life, nothing is permanent so let go - live in the moment enjoy the moment (in Japanese there is a related concept called ichi-go ichi-e which means “the moment exists only now & won’t come again - so make the best of it).

Let Go!

Day 35: 200 words/day challenge (519 words)