Being a caregiver - 2

Venice - Some day Soon :)

The weather in Bangalore is at its best now which is just before the monsoon rains come in. From where I sit, I can feel a cold breeze, the sun is not yet up but there is light and if you observe closely you can see the intensity change very slowly. Birds of all kinds are the most active flying, chirping, searching for their food & animals not seen by us but foraging for food under bushes or trees. Sometimes I hear the koyal kooing. It’s a beautiful medley of nature in the midst of a concrete city.

He is in artificial sleep thanks to tranquilizers and is unaware of what’s happening around him. His caregiver is busy preparing for the awakening of her patient so she can feed him, give him medicines and put him back to sleep. His walking is like a toddler if he can stand he rushes from point A to point B so that he finishes his task and comes back, in recent days this also has become rare. Food is fed and he is sponged & clothed like a mother would do a child.

When the day ends and I walk outside alone I often wonder - Is this really worth it ? Is this life or imprisonment, a stage where death is more welcome than cure. From being independent and head of family you have become a cause for all possible pain and discomfort to the family. What is there to look forward to apart from the day when you breathe your last? 

Will I go through it? Will I have a choice in this matter ? Human mind grapples with these questions which are quite pointless. Or Does it help you define your point of view? Having a cancer patient at home, stories of cancer survivors and otherwise come to us every day. In one of the stories I heard, a lady after being detected with cancer - she refused any treatment and said she would rather make the best of the rest of the days left than be in bed. She famously said to her son ‘I would rather make that trip to Venice which I always wanted to do and die in a year than lie in bed for the next 3 years’.

Objectively, sitting here and imagining that this can happen I would like to follow her principle. It makes sense to prioritize experience over survival. 

But as John Lennon famously said ‘Life is what happens to you as you are busy making other plans’.    

Postscript: She made the trip to Venice & lived for more than 3 years. She was living not surviving.