A day in balcony

22nd June 23 - Sunset

It rained heavily yesterday night when I got up it was still drizzling and everything was wet. After some time the rain stopped and the clouds were clearing. From my balcony I could see the slow walk of clouds in front of me like a marching of giants of different sizes. It just continued endlessly, I gazed at it for a long time thinking from where do they come to where they are going. Is there a starting point - Is there an end point ?

Nowadays, his memory is like these clouds, they come like a cloudburst and after moving around his mind and tiring him it disintegrates somewhere in his mind. In my morning walk with a doctor she explained this is a natural process - first you lose sense of time, then you lose sense of place and then you get attached to something and want to do it badly. Like her father who wanted to visit his village and visit his uncle who was not well.

I reflect on this and try to make sense of my life, what is the purpose. We live for unforgettable experiences, create loving relationships and spend the whole lifetime in this process. And one fine day the memories get overloaded and start switching off or worse gets all jumbled up. What will the experiences be worth if it’s all gone when you need it the most. 

The day ends, I come out onto the same balcony to see a beautiful array of faint light streaming through the clouds & trees. A listless balcony looked beautiful in the faint reflections. My immediate response was to capture the moment, I resisted for a long time just taking in the beauty of the moment. There was a cacophony of noises - traffic, men shouting and talking in a nearby office, kids playing. But, that did not diminish the beauty of the setting sun and what it created. 

I don’t know if there is a lesson, but I felt refreshed and the dark clouds which were chasing in my mind cleared and motivated me to write. 

Memories will fade but nature will always inspire even in a concrete jungle where we mostly live. 

Like a zen koan says “Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water.”