Coping with Death

I met him almost after 6 months when I had got the message that his 13 yr old son died, he was normal at his work (from the outside). I hear my MIL sing Rabindra Sangeet once a week, I meet my partner daily coping with her frozen shoulder - her father died a year back, In most days I get up at 4 from dream and cannot go to sleep - My father died 8 years back, My closest relative, a cousin suffers from body ache, headache, fever, sinus etc - her husband died a year back, suddenly. 

Death leaves an unknown mark or is it the prelude to death? The caregiving, the feeling of pain and tension which one goes thru before your dear one passes away. 

My hypothesis is that death happens in a moment but what happens before that kills people around silently & unknowingly.

When I went to see a friend whose mother died yesterday, she said - the worst time was when she had to go to US on work and not sure will she come back in time. She added “But, Life has to go on, and she could not say NO to an invite from Stanford. 

That set me thinking and go back in time. I had a similar ‘life has to go on phase’ - working in Mumbai, and travelling back to Bangalore to take care of baba, taking calls when chemotherapy is going on or when he is being operated on to remove the tumor. When he died in 2 days I had to get Niki admitted to her college in Ahmedabad.

Travelling back in the flight after doing his rituals in Assam was my turning point or so I thought -  when I took the decision to leave my corporate job and save the world. 

But the life has to go phase continued for another 5 years because we needed the money. Looking back I often question this whole thing about Life has to go on concept & the concept of money and concept of achievement. With 2 grown up children just starting fresh in their career I understand it means different things to different people in their phase of life. 

Growing up we had very limited means, I often would say to people ‘that was India’s scarcity phase’ and then came ‘India’s prosperity phase’ where we had money and things to spend the money on - but I never realized the curse of prosperity or what it does to our mind-body-soul & earth. Do we really need that much money ? It comes with all the lifestyle related illness which we are laden with and many relationships either torn apart or grown cold. 

I came a full 360 degree and now I try to consume less not only material things but trying to adopt a plant based food. Slowing down and trying to care of my mind and body which has still not healed after so many years. 

I still need time to cope with the death of my parents and relationships which have died on the way and which has more long lasting effect than the physical one.

Rest In Peace for those who left the earth.

Reset - Recover for those who are still walking this earth.