Life = Thought Experiment

I could never read Gandhi’s book on his experiment, but yesterday I was engrossed in Arundhati Roy’s new book Mother Mary comes to me. As I read her relationship with mother and why she did her architecture and never went back home after 2nd and many other such decisions in life. This thought just popped into my head as I was taking a lazy morning walk on a start of Puja Holiday week. And I could feel it growing roots and shoots in my head. Hence some random thoughts below.

There are people who engineer their life and those who just float in the river of life and goes where it takes you. I always thought I am the later option but always went with the first option. 

So this year I started strengthening in our gym with an instructor after 3 months the instructor left and I too left the process going back to my daily routine of walk and exercise. At 56 most of my peers were doing this and I guess it helped. My body aches and occasions pulls and joins pains were becoming more frequent

Then I worked with a nutritionist for a holistic health n healing program to fix my stomach / sleep / throat etc. Worked with her for almost 5 months and learnt the basics - understood what works for me and what doesn’t, what can be done within the constraints of a family set up and now trying to follow that. 

After 3 years of volunteering, reading and learning joined an NGO and started more focused work on the triad of community - sustainability and SWM. I love the work, loved the people and happy that I can with some confidence say that I found my calling at 60.

After all this, my knee still hurts, back still aches - sleep is disturbed, have FOMO, have upheavals, get put off with peoples remarks and roam around like zombie at times when I don’t have enough sleep or go in a shell and sulk in a corner. 

So, folks close to me think, Dad’s - Hub’s confused, keeps trying things, giving up, unsure. Or maybe I have a low esteem and think this is what people thinks.

Yesterday I was listening to bohemian Rhapsody - In the end Freddie says - Nothing Really Matters. So True. But he did what he wanted to and maybe died a happy person.

Coming from an engineering background or maybe its just a capitalists thought that everything has to have a goal, output, solve something & when it doesn’t it irks us. Letting is a difficult proposition as we are hounded with our past experience and our natural instinct of tackling thing. Hard wired is more understood term.

I have been battling all this in the above examples of experimenting with myself. In the final analysis I go back to Freddie and I agree nothing else matters other than these experiments. Some make you stronger and some tire you out. Like the food battles I have been having at home and in my mind. (as by heart I am a foodie and the entire clan lives on junk food). 

I think I have rambled enough. Last word - Choose your battles and very clear when to Let Go else it can be a turbulent ride. But never say No to trying out new things.

C’est la vie