And the year comes to an end - Adieu 20 24

 The recency bias

I got up to a crystal clear sky and bright sunlight which was so different from last few days which were foggy n misty with cold breeze blowing across. I was feeling a bit down - fever inside but not outside types & I was just not feeling like looking at the rear view mirror. But I have been putting this off for last 5 days busy striking off my list of mostly home chores. Now it feel like one of the books I wanted to read so badly but after reading 50 pages I didn’t feel like continuing. So on that melancholic note with Low Fi Coffee playing in the background and the sun setting on 31st Dec. I will try and pen a few lines

Life N Death and everything in between

Death creeped up on us in end Feb when Papa - Reema’s father passed away and after a few month Jamaibabu passed away in June. While this was defining moments which lasted for long there were many deaths around someone’s father / mother / uncle brother etc. I guess we are the generation whose previous generation is at that stage. On the other hand the biggest discussion in our house was about Nikita’s & Joyeeta’s job. Hours and hours of discussion which resulted in some reality check and way forward.

So that’s life - As one generation steps off the planet, another starts walking on their road.

Vanaprastha

Defined as way of forest or forest road is the third stage of the 4 stages of life as defined by Vedas in Chaturashrama - 4 stages of life.

Sitting with someone in the audience who looked scholarly and was aso listening told me he is in Vanaprastha stage - I was like ‘What” ? and he says that his focus on life is more for spiritual liberation and finding meaning. Me too - was my response although I never thought of it like that. But this year was kind of settling in for the long haul beyond wants and needs and desires. More importantly constant looking back and turning toward my past for answers. Moving away from the shadows of or ghost of a life in commercial train.

3 WORDS that appeared in front of me

I am not a believer but listening to Kabir or a qawaali or gurbaani or baul - spirituality haapens. What was different was this year these words formed in my mind 

Surrender - While listening to Gurbani on Shri Gobind Singh’s birthday at my apartment. I was sitting listening for almost an hour with my eyes closed. And as I walked away that’s the word which formed in my mind. It was a spiritual experience in some sense as there was no thought before that or after that.

Acceptance - On my way back from Solan seeing the young couples fight - make up - living together - common goal - bringing up - many incidents. But Happy in the end. As I settled into the flight back. These words came to me with a smile. A time when enthusiasm and the excitement of future brings curtains to the current unhappiness. We left it long back somewhere down the line may we rediscover it in 20 25

Merge -  As I sat listening to a singer in Salim Chisti’s dargah, in a misty and cold morning of Dec 24. It was a surreal moment for me, almost like a scene from a movie - the music, people moving around, people taking snaps, tying threads, beggars, large pillars of tomb and smell of rose flowers. Sitting there alone with just me - there was no thoughts, just me and the environment. There was no difference between me and everything else - we were one. Surreal but true. I had never felt like this before.

As 2024 merges with 20 25 - another year starts. 

A new beginning.

Day 4 of 40: The covenant of water - Abraham Verghese

The beauty of the book comes out in the few last chapters and the first 200 pages. For me what worked was the beauty of Kerala and the history of Kerala which shines through in the initial pages. Although talking to few Malyalis I realized that its more focused around the christian Malyali and I researched a bit as it raised my curiosity on the community. Abraham’s description was beautiful and it was like Kerala was almost like Indian Venice - The touristy house boats in Ernakulam are the remnants of that. And of course it’s still the India’s God country.

For me even the characters shone through, Elsie, Ammachi, Uplift master, Philipose, Baby Jojo etc. It was beautifully laid out characters which builds over a period from 1900 to 197. You could see a stoic father, growing up pangs, suppressed anger & passion. It’s a big book at 700+ pages but the fact that I looked forward to read a few chapters everyday and finished it a week / 10 days is a testament to that.

His specialization as a doctor explains the condition quite nicely, although at times I skipped it because of all the macabre description. But he closes the condition loop beautifully in the last few chapters. It came as a big surprise to me - the ending.

I like this genre of historic fiction which explores history and the society through a family saga spread across generation.

Day 3/40: Our ability to bear pain

For me my physical pain or discomfort kills me mentally and my intelligence and spirit both takes a nose dive. Today was worst with stomach churning since morning. I thought of blanketing myself with work and attended the  9.30 call followed by a call at 4.30 then 6pm. Of course the home remedies were on unfortunately nothing worked. 

And as I was grinding my teeth and doing things I remembered the numbness which we would create in work. Not having the ability to say NO, or prioritize our health. We would pop a tablet - strips of Saridon / Disprin / Dolo without thinking much. And the sheer numbness and the dopamine of finishing a chat or chatting with workers drove us through the day. 

Last 2 years I stopped doing it unless it’s unbearable. But sometimes when it happens too often I feel my ability to bear pain has gone down and one of the often debate which comes in my mind - let me just a pop a medicine and enjoy the present. In the long run we are all dead anyway. 

I don’t seem to be like those influencers whose life changes miraculously after they turn veg or start exercising or find a guru 😂😁

Day 2/40: And the clouds came in

Last 1 week Bangalore was like picture postcard. Sunny but not hot, bright but not harsh soft you will enjoy standing or walking in the sun, stare at the sun. The sunrays shone on the plants and flowers making them more beautiful. It was like nature was beckoning you - it was magical. 

For me writing is always very visual, I see it as a picture first before I write. Every morning when I started my walk I could feel the freshness of the air and the whole atmosphere was like a celebration of life. Like It’s like wonderful world being sung by Louis Armstrong. I kept thinking I will write but somehow I did not and the moment passed. 

Today I woke up to a cold, dark and depressing weather. One would like to stay inside the blanket or just have cups of hot tea. Well I had to walk to finish some errands from home so wore my jacket, lowers, covered my ears and moved …..

Reminded me of life - you always want to sun to last unfortunately and lately the clouds have been prevalent more than the sun. I am trying to cover my senses all possible covers from books, movies and work looking at the real sky and thinking this too shall pas.

It will.

Day 1 of 40: 10 minute meditation challenge

While I have done guided meditation. I have never joined a live group meditation. Conducted by a friend & started today 11-11-24. Circles always have a special after my Service Space Experience. Those were for 1 and half h. 10 minute I was not sure. 

So I joined without any expectation but with an open mind.

It was a coincidence that I had a nice bath and hit my desk at 6pm and saw the prompt. It was like the universe has a connived to join. An arty way of saying by chance….

The experience was nice, one could feel the energy or that feeling of being together - just a few words in chat or few spoken or a smile sometimes makes you feel connected. 

I started my own blank slate project where I said I will post daily ‘on a word or phrase’ till my birthday so connecting the both here’s some reflection on ‘meditation’

I have been practicing meditation for maybe 10 years now or maybe more. The first time I did was as part of AOL course in 2001. (Art of Living). No, unlike many people say ‘it has touched them and changed them’ or they got ‘enlightenment’ - for me no such thing happened.

It’s a habit I have build over the year to calm me down or focus on something. It’s a blank space / moment a commune between me and me. I like the feeling of oneness or alignment I have between my spirit n me. I get stressed over small things and deep breathing and meditation helps me back to me to regain my control - anytime anywhere.

Thanks to all of us who joined today and may we meet again. 🙏🏻🌻

The Blank Page

2 years and 100 days or 830 days - thats the no of days since I walked away from my job and start walking in search of utopia. A life of bliss and peace, a life without a boss and commitment of a 9 to 5 grind which we hated. 

If I say that the last 2 months was the worst in my health history it might sound shocking but thats the reality. After the dust settled in the initial euphoria of discovering a new passion namely sustainability and the virtues of a green life settled I was searching for things to do and fill time when there was no project or task to be done.

One of the most disrespectful comment I have heard about me was that ‘I needed a mother’ for everything. I forget the context obviously it was told to shame me for some work which I have not done but I many times in last 2 years I often went back to that comment and introspected - putting myself under the lens. It’s a different thing that I miss my mother - her death was too soon and too fast for me to create that bond which one does when one spend time with someone who is dying. Like baba who was there since his cancer discovery and ultimately his death.

Coming Back, I need people who can hand hold me, respect me, encourage me, teach me or just leave me alone to find a way & walk song when I find one. I was lucky to find some wonderful people in last 2 years but everybody is busy & have their own goals and life to live. As I always say - everyone have their own battle to fight and I have to fight mine. When you are not part of a system / company you are a lone wolf or a black hole or a planet without an orbit. The only circle you are left with is a disjointed family where all of us mean well but keep stepping on each other’s feet.

Time gets consumed by activities which can be termed as menial and meaningless by most of us but I try to find meaning in that saying I am doing sewa 🙏🏻. Meaningful things are looked at suspiciously by Alfie who feels I have cheated her by taking an early retirement. They do not see any meaning in discovering an auteur. 

The battle of power has shifted from office to home with the stronger debater winning and getting all the attention and the quieter one working and sulking. Sometimes I feel navigating office was better than family, it was clinical, purposeful and there was hope that there is a better job better company waiting.

The fact that I am thinking of doing a job is so preposterous that I am shocked to even recognize that the thought got germinated in my mind and I was curious to understand Why? 

I was having an itch to write - but the moment gets killed before it gets typed.Today, a very difficult week and day ended with 2 hours of deep sleep. Waking up with a groggy mind, i decided to take a nice bath and write before the moment passes.

Like Oliver Burkeman says in his post - Just do the thing. 

I did sirji 🙂

 https://www.oliverburkeman.com/so/a6NS1UQ-X#/main (Read here)

Exhale Day

I landed back in Bangalore on the 1st September. Last 20 days I was on toes. Volunteering Activities and then there was Service Space and Kitchen Renovation. Service Space shared daily prompts and today they had the Exhale Day before the last week starts. I took it as a sign and sort of let go for few hrs. 

I did not look at the phone, I did not read, I did not look at the computer (service space prompts). I took bath and just lay inside the blanket, cocooned in a world within a world. And I could feel the withdrawals. Usually I am not constantly on the phone but sometimes when you are riding you want to ride many types of waves to satisfy your challenge. It’s human nature. And I realized that one thing led to other and last few weeks I was constantly busy not realizing it. Yes, there were moments of peace and tranquility in between but I guess they were too less and too small at least that's what my experience was telling me.

Like it happens after u get up from a deep sleep - the mind was empty and was in a mode of receiving. For last few hrs I wrote, I read, I listened - It was flow hrs when u can feel that what you are writing is coming from the depth of your heart, what you are listening is going deep inside you / affecting you and  what you are reading in creating ripples in your heart and soul. 

After a whole week of cacophony, few hrs of harmony is what keeps me going 

An unprogrammed Day & handling grief

It was a 12 hr+ journey which I finished when I landed in Karimganj. After attending 2 calls I crashed to get up today morning at 8. Karimganj is the eastern part of India and morning happens at 4.30 am. Few months back when I came I used to get up around that time and forced myself to sleep or sort of be non-asleep. Kind of drifting between sleep and awake state.

It has been raining yesterday, but very sultry. Morning was comfortable and quiet. Like in Bangalore the house here is also near road and there is a constant rumble of traffic and noise. But today was unnaturally quiet except the sound of various birds, insects, frogs. Unlike Bangalore where I have a programmed day - my own here I just let go & did what I came naturally / spoke to me. 

I went to terrace and looked at the sun, the vegetation, shrubs, creepers, found my old friend chameleon, leaves of various kind, hear the rustling of leaves in the wind and looked at the sun & exercised - simple stretches. Just absorbing the sun made me feel so good that it’s difficult to explain. Through out the day that feeling remained - just doing nothing but looking and feeling, kind of awakening of senses. We had simple food made out of shrubs and stems found nearby and my taste buds just exploded. It was like welcome back home.

My coming here was to comfort my cousin sister whose husband passed away 2 months back and I could not come at that time. She kept breaking down and kept repeating the same thing of how he was sitting and just passed away. She must have said that 1000 times to as many people. And i could understand that how much that scene has been imprinted in her mind. I could not add or do much and just heard her out. What can someone say? This is in the past but for her it was very much alive. Just being there, listening, accompanying her to the market or in cooking, just sitting in kitchen while she cooked. Or talking about her son’s future. Or about the ceremonies and what went right or who helped and how. 

In an era of information overload we hear, read, listen to so many things - Ted talks, my service space challenges, articles shared by friends, newsletters like maria popova on philosophy. They all remain words - it’s only our experience that helps me connect back to many things or relate to it. These flashes are rare especially in a programmed life - although after my retirement I believed I will lead an unprogrammed life. But as I reflect back I programmed / set my routine. I think that’s my nature or a human tendency. I want to have a plan, or be clear what to do next else I feel restless, incomplete, in limbo. These vague feeling of not accomplishing something. 

Even as I was flying to Silchar I was reading about Meghalaya & Arunachal Pradesh and was thinking next time I should plan a trip / trek, do it and then come home here. But after today’s experience my first thought was to just stay in our Solan farm without phone & stay completely disconnected for a week. Just join the family there and follow their routine.

Can I? Or is it just a wish which will go away when I get up tomorrow.

3 musical journey's - 1 spoke

 It was just coincidence that i saw / attempted to see - Chamkila, Maestro & Tar. 

All the 3 I watched 50% and then yesterday I finished Chamkila

Somehow I found Maestro and Tar too individualistic. Maestro (as I read later) was more on the relationship between Bernstein & Felicia (his wife). That apart I found both their acting too much on the over acting side, the speech - mannerism etc. Just my sensibility - given the fact that they were nominated for 7 Oscar awards & Bafta and many more I guess I am a minority here. 

Similarly Tar was like uber rich, ultra sophisticated Cate Blanchet as a composer. Her acting is brilliant and watching her I was absorbed by her diction, facial movements and her role as a conductor. 

After sometime - I just gave up both Maestro & Tar - somehow despite good acting I just could not relate to it. Maybe I will come back to it some day.

I was pondering went right with Chamkila. I liked it because of it’s Indianness and the ethos of the Chamkila. I could relate to his struggle and his courage to do something, his love and relationship, the Punjab milieu, terrorism and of course Imtiaz’s direction. Chamkila was more wholesome and had a larger context which I could appreciate.

I think it’s also a surfeit of homosexuality or the angle of sexuality which comes up in so many movies and boh the movies had a strong connection to that. 

I see so many non Hollywood movies on MUBI and most of them are small budget, slow, are also around family and relationship and struggle. I guess I started liking them more than the big budget movies which are hyped and talked about.

Alice In the Cities - Wim Wenders: A 50 years old film

I got hooked to Wim Wenders after I saw Perfect Day, then I saw Paris Texas & now Alice. All 3 are very different but all has something I can relate to - Being alone, meandering, go with the flow - a drifting cloud just passing by. 

In Alice 2 people come together 11 year old Alice and 30 something Philip. A wanderer who has been roaming across US to write an article on US for a german publication. He just clicks polaroid photos (tons of them) and keeps scribbling in a small note pad. Having missed his deadline - on his way back to Germany with very little money. Then Alice gets dumped on him to be taken care of at the airport…remaining 75% of the movie is about Alice and her relationship with this stranger who is no one but becomes a pseudo Dad who is broke. The movie starts in US, then Amsterdam and then Germany - cities I have not hear.

It’s black and white movie but it’s beautifully shot - In US the hotel is just opposite Empire State Building - the tallest and grandest, we also see the twin tower, the bill boards, neon lights, busy street and then Amsterdam - bleak, sparse, fields & then back to a small town in Germany. In 74 they had metro where the rail tracks on the air and coach below like the ropeways.

The highlight of course is Alice who is precocious, innocent, demanding, possessive of her new Dad / friend. They are both alone in some way. 

I mentioned clouds because I just felt like I was drifting, Philip has the impossible task of finding Alice’s grandmother in Germany without knowing the city, first name, address - Do they ?

Sleeping with Jhumpa Lahiri

 Since last Sunday I have been reading 2 books in parallel - Whereabouts & Roman Stories. It’s kind of night cap. Reading such beautiful writing. I am reading her after a very long time - maybe a decade or more but I can still remember her style and sharp way she writes. Between the 2 I like whereabouts - It’s different - almost like a blog. Since I also write in a similar fashion I could relate to it a lot. It’s kind of life under microscope, a moment in a day, or an experience or an upheaval.

Unfortunately or as it happens in our life I was also going thru one one upheaval. I am not as brave as Jhumpa to go public but I write / journal every morning. Yes, it definitely helps in venting and taking a positive turn or break the downward spiral. And begin my day with a fresh voice ringing in my head. I tried a bit modified it a bit when I wrote the previous post (The slow passage of time). Whereabout became my bedside book before sleep caught up with me.

Whereabouts is about loneliness and how a person deals with it. In one hand, It’s a simple portrayal of daily life but it’s so much more. It’s not about the activity but what’s going on in our mind. The 1000’s of conversation which we have in our mind. Many of those become an action but most of them dies.  Many move from past to present to past to a possible future, an expectation of a beautiful future or a negative one to avoid.

This is also true for Roman Stories, memories, musings but unlike Whereabouts these are stories which has an end and a beginning. Most of them are nice - I just finished reading Steps - where the steps becomes a metaphor for tell multiple stories about people who use the steps. So there are 5 or 6 stories with The Steps. Like most short stories these are are about relationships, incidents, anger but what’s different this time is it’s all set in Rome, Italy and so it captures the hues and layers of the city, the architecture, the beauty and the decay. 

If you are a Jhumpa Lahiri fan like me -  you will love them. Both these books were first written in Italian and then translated to English.

The slow passage of time

It seemed like yesterday when we were planning her trip to Jaipur and now it’s almost time for her to come back. She is back tomorrow. Then I leave on Saturday and come back after 2 weeks. I know I will sit in this same chair and this screen in front of me, wondering - How did time pass so fast? Last 2 years have been years of coming and going. Some permanently like Papa and Shukla di’s husband. Sudden.

Some days, the days just stretches in front of me like large swaths of untilled land, ready to be sown but I don’t have the seeds to sow. Some nights don’t end, the darkness envelops you from outside and inside. I wait desperately for some sign of light so that the darkness can go. Then there are sudden burst of action and activities which envelopes you like a hurricane - It comes and leaves you completely drained of energy - as you watch it going away. And, vacant space envelopes me.

I try to create a routine through all this ups and downs and row my boat ahead. Not waiting to know the road ahead or the mist to clear. 

Just rowing to keep the boat afloat.

The Half Known Life - Pico Iyer

This book has been on my reading list for a year now and finally got to read it  last week. There was so much to take in that it took some time for me to connect the dots or in other words make sense of it. The byline of the title of the book is - In search of paradise. This can be also read as - in search of happiness, utopia, nirvana, perfect life etc.

It’s not a self help book but a travelogue - He interprets life through his experiences in travel. Just to qualify he researches before he travels - so he read all about Iran and it’s history for 4 years before he traveled. Since he is a travel writer I guess he has to do that.

He visits Iran, Jerusalem. Kashmir, Ceylon. Varanasi, Ladakh - most of them have a conflict filled past & present. And tries to understand the reason to believe. There are some beautiful insights / penny drop moments. 

Religion is not something I ever believed in, It was my duty & celebration of togetherness / happiness. And mostly I detested the temples & religious places because of it’s dirt and crowd, unhygienic, lack of sanitation, crowd and the touts who chase you for the puja. These were mostly in north / eastern part - south India is much better. So I was quite surprised when the author celebrates Varanasi as the most sacred / profound and holy place. With ghats were bodies are burning, bodies are floating, the ganges impurity level is 3000 times the safe level - people are happily drinking the water and carrying it back home to purify their home (in fact it is sold). Our thoughts mostly in the lines - how pathetic, blind faith bordering on ridicule. But the fact remains millions congregate ? Why ? I guess that’s the half known truth - which side are you in. For many this faith drives them & is the reason why they are alive, surviving many ailments or disillusionment. This is the paradise for them. It’s the people who make the place holy not the idols or the temple. Similarly when we go for the char dham yatra - it’s the experience of going together and probably time away from home each with our difficulty and supporting which makes the trip more meaningful. The pilgrimage is just the means to an end, 

There are some beautiful lines / insight - Closing with the one I remember - In Jerusalem one of the person / pilgrim says - A problem can be solved but an issue you have to live with - referring to the conflict. 

In summary - Paradise is here & now, not in the past or not in the future or imagination.

Some interesting conversations:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=FZ2LfzoAKes 

https://www.firstpost.com/art-and-culture/pico-iyer-opens-up-about-his-new-book-the-half-known-life-in-search-of-paradise-11954232.html 

Cinema Paradiso - A movie of HOPE

I survived on a diet of movie and books and I look back in 2024 ½ year - it’s been a drought for reasons beyond my control. Lots of ups and down - in recent days mostly down. Except for browsing, downloading and shortlisting, I haven’t done much of seeing.

I ended the drought with Cinema Paradiso - what was an endless spiral which was going out of control, I just shut everything, put on my headphone and saw this. I had heard great things about the movie sometime somewhere and it was stored in one corner of my mind. It was just instinctive decision to see this so I could change my mood. 

And what a treat it was to see it. Made in 1989 / 25 years back and winner of cannes jury award and best foreign film in Oscar  and many other it’s really a classic which can be seen many time. 

But the big reason why I keep turning to movies is that it gives me hope, a ray of sunshine in the end of a bad day, days in my case. 

Like Martin Scorsese says “It’s the only medium which can transport you to another world”. It does this time to a small Sicilian village Giaconda and the story is told in flashback, from 1988 you go to 19 58. There is only 1 theater ‘Cinema Paradiso’ in the village and the only entertaining resource & 1 person can play the projector - Alfredo & the story is all about him a Salvatore who is crazy about films. The movie is about this relationship which Salvatore. He is a famous director living his high life when his mother tells him that Alfredo has died. That night as he lies down he remembers all the moments which has made him what he is today. He decides to visit the city after 30 years to attend the funeral. As he walks around the town astonished by the changes he sees the theater being demolished to be replaced by a parking lot or a super market. It’s a metaphor of Alfredo’s death - he was ‘Cinema Paradiso seeing all the movies through the keyhole of projector. He would remember all old movie he projected & repeat dialogues and quotes made by famous actors to Salvatore.

The heart of the movie is Salvatore Cascio, who plays the boyhood Salvatore. His performance is an absolute treasure to watch. His love for cinema is infectious, his nascent friendship with Alfredo is uplifting. He's sweet, he's funny, he's just plain lovely.

It’s also a statement on ‘what we call progress’ - I realized we cannot stop it till the world tears it apart. If we are so comfortable with progress I wonder why do we have to look back with nostalgia. I guess because those moments or times cannot be brought back. But we want to savor those moments of innocence - the childhood which will come back only when you live similar moments with your child and the cycle keeps repeating.

And that’s why movies are made 🙂 So we can relive those moments - the movie is the medium to take us back and give us HOPE.

Clouds

The clouds were rolling by - Dark and big ones like the dreams which chase me at night and wake me with a jolt. With a group of virtual friends coming together and holding their hands, it helps me to survive in the physical world. Where I sit and watch the clouds roll by.

I choose love after listening to Zukov, because that is the right choice to make, who would choose fear I wonder. No one but it’s just the subconscious the body’s automatic reaction coded by past experience and actions which comes out of nowhere.

The sun shines every morning and the dark cloud drifts away, I walk, run to do keep me alert to change the neural path so that at night the automatic reactions are deactivated. And I can sleep in peace n comfort. 

Today my mind is blank as I watch the clouds, I walked a bit seeing the setting sun, a gentle breeze which feels good in my skin and gives a feeling of freshness. The sound of the city is overpowering - cars, buses, auto. It’s like a war out there. 

I step back into the comfort of my home and headphones as I watch the the last clouds roll by and the blanket of darkness envelop the city, the trees, the birds and everything else.

Perfect Day - Sweat Bean - Still the Water - Japanese movies on solitude

None of these were part of my coveted list to see. But all of them had a common thread when I saw the trailer - calm, serene, nature, slow, peace. I should try putting this is CHAT GPT and see what movies it suggests.

Perfect Day is the story of a toilet cleaner in Tokyo, Japan. He stays alone & has some plants to give him company, books and 80’s rock music which he listens on a cassette player in his car. Ever day he gets up and does exactly the same thing. He goes to the same place for dinner and drink. He hardly speaks to anyone even his co-workers cannot get a word out of him. But he is happy, content and looks forward to his day. 

We all have a conception of a perfect day, but Is there ONE? Or is it just a concept in our mind. And every time the day goes against that concept / expectation we get more anxious. This also can be extended to life, like in Geeta one of the hymn says that the root cause of all evil is desire. Go with the flow, enjoy the process. Don’t focus so much on the result. All this came to mu mind as I reflected on the movie.

Since there was not much of dialogue - everything was conveyed visually using the environment, expressions, the props, location.

https://tokyotoilet.jp/en/ (read about the toilet project here)

https://bit.ly/4de1ron  (this review in Hindu reflects the way I felt)

 Sweet Bean & Still The Water - Naomi Kawase

The first thing you notice in both the films is how beautifully it is shot capturing the essence of a ‘cherry blossom tree’ in Sweet Bean or the Ocean in Still the Water - Both these elements are an integral part of the movie & story telling. 

The main character in Sweet Bean is 75+ year old lady who is also the soul of the film. As a child she was left in a sanitorium outside the city where all leprosy patients are housed. It’s a beautiful place with lot of forest, peace and very comfortable. But the patients are not allowed to go outside or meet anyone. If you google you will read many articles on how these patients were isolated for many years without any contact with their family and other people.

The story is all about seeking a job in a sweet bean shop because it was advertised ‘age no bar’. As she makes the sweet bean it portrays the old ways of cooking where you understand the journey of the bean, thanking the land, the farmer, land etc. She literally talks to the beans and asks them to rise. Unlike fast food / ready to eat / pressure cooker the whole process takes 5 - 6 hrs. Again beautiful shot with minimum dialogues.

A kind of innocent romance but has lot of layers in it - especially of death and shaman and the in between space between god and humans. It shows the rituals which Japanese follow during death - they sing and dance to make the journey to the next world a joyful one and not filled sorrow. The beauty of the movie was both the kids riding a bicycle beside the ocean in a neat and clean road which goes up and down (see pic).

Unlike the other 2 this is high on emotion but still it’s a movie revolving around young adults coping with separation and death. The pain, angst, hurt which they carry but are unable to express or share with someone.

Solitude n Me - I alternate between Solitude n Loneliness. Being with self was a new norm when I left my job. A job which despite all it’s evils and WFH had human connects, working together with people. Even if u didn’t like many people around you you sometimes had interesting conversation thrown together. A job also has a regular flow of work but now its very high at times and low for a long time or you just feel lazy and let go or you prefer to spean time with family than attend a call which can be avoided. Writing this was enjoying my solitude - exploring a bit more about the movie or the history or relating it to my life and times. Loneliness are times when u crave to have a talk but find that the rest of the world is busy running. As I always say - everyone is fighting their own battle. 

I guess this is mine - Unless I learn riding double soon 🙂