Closing Thoughts, 23: The power of Family

Jaipur - Family Reunion, Dec 23

It has been a year of sickness and death -  My uncle (mother’s sister’s husband) passed away, another relative had a prolonged health issue and now goes for dialysis twice a week, living on a restricted diet and has limited mobility, my father in law & a close relative got detected with lung cancer and is undergoing treatment knowing very well that that the chances of recovery is low. My father passed away 5 years back in cancer. These are only within my close family but I keep hearing of illness among the family of my team members, apartment friends, batch mate and other friends. Maybe it all just came into focus because of an illness in the family.

When I am sick, I just want to let go & let the family takeover, which this December was just Niki who took leave and took me to the doc then managed the home as much as she could. Thankfully I was OK in 5 days to take control back and relieve her of her duties thrust on her.

When my father in law got detected with cancer - it was like war. All family members and extended family came with suggestions of doctors and treatment plans and eating advices. Many times it was overwhelming and we ignored but the fact that they all came together genuinely was a great discovery. Many of them I did not even know. 

Being caregiver family is tough especially when the person being treated has a tough view on everything and wants to do against our understanding - I know of a 80 year whose lungs had collapsed and wanted to smoke but had to be tied down in the bed so he could not. Our case was not that so hard but when my inlaws stayed with us for 6 months, it was tough negotiating medicines, nurse, medicines, demands made on the entire family with half of them visiting for few days. We knew that we were all trying our best but still there were lot of arguments, hard feeling, tension between 3 families whose effect we are still facing. 

Every week and in normal times we keep arguing on small silly things like ‘when to have dinner & what to have (bongs favorite topic)’ or which movie to see or to go for the new year party or not. Looking back one feels that how can we argue for such a dumbest reason and feel silly about the whole thing. 

Absorption of a principle takes time or maybe it’s just happened to me after reading so many books and seeing movies that an epiphany stuck me “All families are dysfunctional” it’s just we see a part of it when we meet. 

With so much limited time for the entire family to be together as children start chasing their dream and start having strong & differing views from us, it’s better to enjoy the few days we are all together than fight over the food to eat or movie to see - I have the rest of the year to exercise my choice. I might as well enjoy the time together than debate.

The power of a family is in how we keep it together in good times and bad times. I guess thats my calling for 2024.