Blood in my hand

A month back or so my 4 year old daughter had an accident. By the time I reached the hospital…..I could hardly see her face. There was blood all over her face, hair and dress….I could just see her eyes which shone as soon as she saw me and I could read “Papa is here, it will be fine”.

For me, this was the first time any one of my kids was hit so badly and I almost felt my heart stop….It is difficult to explain. "God! Let her be fine!" That’s the first word which came to my throat.

For next 1 hr I held her tightly as 12 stitches were put in her fore head. I could literally see the needle go inside the skin and blood oozing out of the skin….The only time I remember something like that was in First Blood some 15 years back….

When we reached home, put Joyee on bed and were coming out of our shell shocked state I saw her tugging my shirt. When I bent down she asked “So tomorrow I am not going to school”. ‘Ya’ I said….She continued “Can Di stay back.....”…..I knew what was coming…..With in 15 minutes the whole house was back in the usual state of arguments / fight over some toy….etc etc.

At night, when the family was asleep and I was star gazing from my balcony, two thoughts struck me – One, the resilience of a 5 year old, I was sure by next day morning she will have no clue on what hit her and what happened. Two – the importance of being a Papa……That look on her face when the stitches were being put, I was holding her and she kept screaming Papa, Papa…..I will never forget that till I die. I know 10 – 15 year down the line she will grow up and go…..but whenever I see that mark on her fore head she will again become a 4 yr old in my eyes.

Typically, we (i.e. me and my wife) and kids slip in separate rooms. But that night we all huddled together under the quilt. Smell of dettol & antiseptic still lingering in the room I could feel that warmth called family physically in the air.

I desperately wanted to hold on to it and make believe that this will last for rest of my life…but then the alarm rang and the list of the day started ticking on my head……..