3 musical journey's - 1 spoke

 It was just coincidence that i saw / attempted to see - Chamkila, Maestro & Tar. 

All the 3 I watched 50% and then yesterday I finished Chamkila

Somehow I found Maestro and Tar too individualistic. Maestro (as I read later) was more on the relationship between Bernstein & Felicia (his wife). That apart I found both their acting too much on the over acting side, the speech - mannerism etc. Just my sensibility - given the fact that they were nominated for 7 Oscar awards & Bafta and many more I guess I am a minority here. 

Similarly Tar was like uber rich, ultra sophisticated Cate Blanchet as a composer. Her acting is brilliant and watching her I was absorbed by her diction, facial movements and her role as a conductor. 

After sometime - I just gave up both Maestro & Tar - somehow despite good acting I just could not relate to it. Maybe I will come back to it some day.

I was pondering went right with Chamkila. I liked it because of it’s Indianness and the ethos of the Chamkila. I could relate to his struggle and his courage to do something, his love and relationship, the Punjab milieu, terrorism and of course Imtiaz’s direction. Chamkila was more wholesome and had a larger context which I could appreciate.

I think it’s also a surfeit of homosexuality or the angle of sexuality which comes up in so many movies and boh the movies had a strong connection to that. 

I see so many non Hollywood movies on MUBI and most of them are small budget, slow, are also around family and relationship and struggle. I guess I started liking them more than the big budget movies which are hyped and talked about.

Alice In the Cities - Wim Wenders: A 50 years old film

I got hooked to Wim Wenders after I saw Perfect Day, then I saw Paris Texas & now Alice. All 3 are very different but all has something I can relate to - Being alone, meandering, go with the flow - a drifting cloud just passing by. 

In Alice 2 people come together 11 year old Alice and 30 something Philip. A wanderer who has been roaming across US to write an article on US for a german publication. He just clicks polaroid photos (tons of them) and keeps scribbling in a small note pad. Having missed his deadline - on his way back to Germany with very little money. Then Alice gets dumped on him to be taken care of at the airport…remaining 75% of the movie is about Alice and her relationship with this stranger who is no one but becomes a pseudo Dad who is broke. The movie starts in US, then Amsterdam and then Germany - cities I have not hear.

It’s black and white movie but it’s beautifully shot - In US the hotel is just opposite Empire State Building - the tallest and grandest, we also see the twin tower, the bill boards, neon lights, busy street and then Amsterdam - bleak, sparse, fields & then back to a small town in Germany. In 74 they had metro where the rail tracks on the air and coach below like the ropeways.

The highlight of course is Alice who is precocious, innocent, demanding, possessive of her new Dad / friend. They are both alone in some way. 

I mentioned clouds because I just felt like I was drifting, Philip has the impossible task of finding Alice’s grandmother in Germany without knowing the city, first name, address - Do they ?

Sleeping with Jhumpa Lahiri

 Since last Sunday I have been reading 2 books in parallel - Whereabouts & Roman Stories. It’s kind of night cap. Reading such beautiful writing. I am reading her after a very long time - maybe a decade or more but I can still remember her style and sharp way she writes. Between the 2 I like whereabouts - It’s different - almost like a blog. Since I also write in a similar fashion I could relate to it a lot. It’s kind of life under microscope, a moment in a day, or an experience or an upheaval.

Unfortunately or as it happens in our life I was also going thru one one upheaval. I am not as brave as Jhumpa to go public but I write / journal every morning. Yes, it definitely helps in venting and taking a positive turn or break the downward spiral. And begin my day with a fresh voice ringing in my head. I tried a bit modified it a bit when I wrote the previous post (The slow passage of time). Whereabout became my bedside book before sleep caught up with me.

Whereabouts is about loneliness and how a person deals with it. In one hand, It’s a simple portrayal of daily life but it’s so much more. It’s not about the activity but what’s going on in our mind. The 1000’s of conversation which we have in our mind. Many of those become an action but most of them dies.  Many move from past to present to past to a possible future, an expectation of a beautiful future or a negative one to avoid.

This is also true for Roman Stories, memories, musings but unlike Whereabouts these are stories which has an end and a beginning. Most of them are nice - I just finished reading Steps - where the steps becomes a metaphor for tell multiple stories about people who use the steps. So there are 5 or 6 stories with The Steps. Like most short stories these are are about relationships, incidents, anger but what’s different this time is it’s all set in Rome, Italy and so it captures the hues and layers of the city, the architecture, the beauty and the decay. 

If you are a Jhumpa Lahiri fan like me -  you will love them. Both these books were first written in Italian and then translated to English.

The slow passage of time

It seemed like yesterday when we were planning her trip to Jaipur and now it’s almost time for her to come back. She is back tomorrow. Then I leave on Saturday and come back after 2 weeks. I know I will sit in this same chair and this screen in front of me, wondering - How did time pass so fast? Last 2 years have been years of coming and going. Some permanently like Papa and Shukla di’s husband. Sudden.

Some days, the days just stretches in front of me like large swaths of untilled land, ready to be sown but I don’t have the seeds to sow. Some nights don’t end, the darkness envelops you from outside and inside. I wait desperately for some sign of light so that the darkness can go. Then there are sudden burst of action and activities which envelopes you like a hurricane - It comes and leaves you completely drained of energy - as you watch it going away. And, vacant space envelopes me.

I try to create a routine through all this ups and downs and row my boat ahead. Not waiting to know the road ahead or the mist to clear. 

Just rowing to keep the boat afloat.

The Half Known Life - Pico Iyer

This book has been on my reading list for a year now and finally got to read it  last week. There was so much to take in that it took some time for me to connect the dots or in other words make sense of it. The byline of the title of the book is - In search of paradise. This can be also read as - in search of happiness, utopia, nirvana, perfect life etc.

It’s not a self help book but a travelogue - He interprets life through his experiences in travel. Just to qualify he researches before he travels - so he read all about Iran and it’s history for 4 years before he traveled. Since he is a travel writer I guess he has to do that.

He visits Iran, Jerusalem. Kashmir, Ceylon. Varanasi, Ladakh - most of them have a conflict filled past & present. And tries to understand the reason to believe. There are some beautiful insights / penny drop moments. 

Religion is not something I ever believed in, It was my duty & celebration of togetherness / happiness. And mostly I detested the temples & religious places because of it’s dirt and crowd, unhygienic, lack of sanitation, crowd and the touts who chase you for the puja. These were mostly in north / eastern part - south India is much better. So I was quite surprised when the author celebrates Varanasi as the most sacred / profound and holy place. With ghats were bodies are burning, bodies are floating, the ganges impurity level is 3000 times the safe level - people are happily drinking the water and carrying it back home to purify their home (in fact it is sold). Our thoughts mostly in the lines - how pathetic, blind faith bordering on ridicule. But the fact remains millions congregate ? Why ? I guess that’s the half known truth - which side are you in. For many this faith drives them & is the reason why they are alive, surviving many ailments or disillusionment. This is the paradise for them. It’s the people who make the place holy not the idols or the temple. Similarly when we go for the char dham yatra - it’s the experience of going together and probably time away from home each with our difficulty and supporting which makes the trip more meaningful. The pilgrimage is just the means to an end, 

There are some beautiful lines / insight - Closing with the one I remember - In Jerusalem one of the person / pilgrim says - A problem can be solved but an issue you have to live with - referring to the conflict. 

In summary - Paradise is here & now, not in the past or not in the future or imagination.

Some interesting conversations:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=FZ2LfzoAKes 

https://www.firstpost.com/art-and-culture/pico-iyer-opens-up-about-his-new-book-the-half-known-life-in-search-of-paradise-11954232.html 

Cinema Paradiso - A movie of HOPE

I survived on a diet of movie and books and I look back in 2024 ½ year - it’s been a drought for reasons beyond my control. Lots of ups and down - in recent days mostly down. Except for browsing, downloading and shortlisting, I haven’t done much of seeing.

I ended the drought with Cinema Paradiso - what was an endless spiral which was going out of control, I just shut everything, put on my headphone and saw this. I had heard great things about the movie sometime somewhere and it was stored in one corner of my mind. It was just instinctive decision to see this so I could change my mood. 

And what a treat it was to see it. Made in 1989 / 25 years back and winner of cannes jury award and best foreign film in Oscar  and many other it’s really a classic which can be seen many time. 

But the big reason why I keep turning to movies is that it gives me hope, a ray of sunshine in the end of a bad day, days in my case. 

Like Martin Scorsese says “It’s the only medium which can transport you to another world”. It does this time to a small Sicilian village Giaconda and the story is told in flashback, from 1988 you go to 19 58. There is only 1 theater ‘Cinema Paradiso’ in the village and the only entertaining resource & 1 person can play the projector - Alfredo & the story is all about him a Salvatore who is crazy about films. The movie is about this relationship which Salvatore. He is a famous director living his high life when his mother tells him that Alfredo has died. That night as he lies down he remembers all the moments which has made him what he is today. He decides to visit the city after 30 years to attend the funeral. As he walks around the town astonished by the changes he sees the theater being demolished to be replaced by a parking lot or a super market. It’s a metaphor of Alfredo’s death - he was ‘Cinema Paradiso seeing all the movies through the keyhole of projector. He would remember all old movie he projected & repeat dialogues and quotes made by famous actors to Salvatore.

The heart of the movie is Salvatore Cascio, who plays the boyhood Salvatore. His performance is an absolute treasure to watch. His love for cinema is infectious, his nascent friendship with Alfredo is uplifting. He's sweet, he's funny, he's just plain lovely.

It’s also a statement on ‘what we call progress’ - I realized we cannot stop it till the world tears it apart. If we are so comfortable with progress I wonder why do we have to look back with nostalgia. I guess because those moments or times cannot be brought back. But we want to savor those moments of innocence - the childhood which will come back only when you live similar moments with your child and the cycle keeps repeating.

And that’s why movies are made 🙂 So we can relive those moments - the movie is the medium to take us back and give us HOPE.

Clouds

The clouds were rolling by - Dark and big ones like the dreams which chase me at night and wake me with a jolt. With a group of virtual friends coming together and holding their hands, it helps me to survive in the physical world. Where I sit and watch the clouds roll by.

I choose love after listening to Zukov, because that is the right choice to make, who would choose fear I wonder. No one but it’s just the subconscious the body’s automatic reaction coded by past experience and actions which comes out of nowhere.

The sun shines every morning and the dark cloud drifts away, I walk, run to do keep me alert to change the neural path so that at night the automatic reactions are deactivated. And I can sleep in peace n comfort. 

Today my mind is blank as I watch the clouds, I walked a bit seeing the setting sun, a gentle breeze which feels good in my skin and gives a feeling of freshness. The sound of the city is overpowering - cars, buses, auto. It’s like a war out there. 

I step back into the comfort of my home and headphones as I watch the the last clouds roll by and the blanket of darkness envelop the city, the trees, the birds and everything else.

Perfect Day - Sweat Bean - Still the Water - Japanese movies on solitude

None of these were part of my coveted list to see. But all of them had a common thread when I saw the trailer - calm, serene, nature, slow, peace. I should try putting this is CHAT GPT and see what movies it suggests.

Perfect Day is the story of a toilet cleaner in Tokyo, Japan. He stays alone & has some plants to give him company, books and 80’s rock music which he listens on a cassette player in his car. Ever day he gets up and does exactly the same thing. He goes to the same place for dinner and drink. He hardly speaks to anyone even his co-workers cannot get a word out of him. But he is happy, content and looks forward to his day. 

We all have a conception of a perfect day, but Is there ONE? Or is it just a concept in our mind. And every time the day goes against that concept / expectation we get more anxious. This also can be extended to life, like in Geeta one of the hymn says that the root cause of all evil is desire. Go with the flow, enjoy the process. Don’t focus so much on the result. All this came to mu mind as I reflected on the movie.

Since there was not much of dialogue - everything was conveyed visually using the environment, expressions, the props, location.

https://tokyotoilet.jp/en/ (read about the toilet project here)

https://bit.ly/4de1ron  (this review in Hindu reflects the way I felt)

 Sweet Bean & Still The Water - Naomi Kawase

The first thing you notice in both the films is how beautifully it is shot capturing the essence of a ‘cherry blossom tree’ in Sweet Bean or the Ocean in Still the Water - Both these elements are an integral part of the movie & story telling. 

The main character in Sweet Bean is 75+ year old lady who is also the soul of the film. As a child she was left in a sanitorium outside the city where all leprosy patients are housed. It’s a beautiful place with lot of forest, peace and very comfortable. But the patients are not allowed to go outside or meet anyone. If you google you will read many articles on how these patients were isolated for many years without any contact with their family and other people.

The story is all about seeking a job in a sweet bean shop because it was advertised ‘age no bar’. As she makes the sweet bean it portrays the old ways of cooking where you understand the journey of the bean, thanking the land, the farmer, land etc. She literally talks to the beans and asks them to rise. Unlike fast food / ready to eat / pressure cooker the whole process takes 5 - 6 hrs. Again beautiful shot with minimum dialogues.

A kind of innocent romance but has lot of layers in it - especially of death and shaman and the in between space between god and humans. It shows the rituals which Japanese follow during death - they sing and dance to make the journey to the next world a joyful one and not filled sorrow. The beauty of the movie was both the kids riding a bicycle beside the ocean in a neat and clean road which goes up and down (see pic).

Unlike the other 2 this is high on emotion but still it’s a movie revolving around young adults coping with separation and death. The pain, angst, hurt which they carry but are unable to express or share with someone.

Solitude n Me - I alternate between Solitude n Loneliness. Being with self was a new norm when I left my job. A job which despite all it’s evils and WFH had human connects, working together with people. Even if u didn’t like many people around you you sometimes had interesting conversation thrown together. A job also has a regular flow of work but now its very high at times and low for a long time or you just feel lazy and let go or you prefer to spean time with family than attend a call which can be avoided. Writing this was enjoying my solitude - exploring a bit more about the movie or the history or relating it to my life and times. Loneliness are times when u crave to have a talk but find that the rest of the world is busy running. As I always say - everyone is fighting their own battle. 

I guess this is mine - Unless I learn riding double soon 🙂

Unconditional Love - On Death

The last death I experienced in my family was that of Baba. It transformed me in many ways. I was so consumed by it that I did not have much time for anything else. Last week when Papa passed away could see the reaction from family, neighbors and his friends.

Unconditional love from the neighbors kept us going for 4 days. They had lived in that house for almost 50 years and most neighbors were like extended family. Although I must say in last 25 years when the children grew, got educated and moved away - things were not the same. But now, nothing mattered - starting from morning tea to night dinner everything kept coming without any questions asked. We had to push back after 3 days so we could start our kitchen.

His friends most of them at late 70’s and early 80’s were at peace and there was a a glow in their face of done what they could and basking in the glory / end of a journey. Most of them had ailments, brain surgery - heart - surgery - arthritis, but none were complaining at that point. In one of the auntie mentioned that they were like dry leaves on a tree. They can fall / called anytime. I will never forget their smile and calmness. I had only read something similar in books or seen in movies, but this was real - in flesh and blood.

I wanted to record this - because unconditional love is usually not found and we found it in a very unexpected place and time. 

This is something even fire cannot take away from us.

The visceral connection

Amitav Ghosh - Imam and Indian

Sometimes you feel the visceral connection to someone, it can be someone who accompanied you in your travel overnight and then moved on. Sometimes it’s a movie / song video which seem to have created exactly what you could have visualized or the passage above by Amitava Ghosh from his book “Imam and the Indian” - Prose Notes / essays.

Barsaati’s (although he does not use the word here) was a common theme / occupational hazards of bachelors staying in Delhi. It was like the Indian version of gypsy culture - post college, first job, lowly paid but dreamer and idealistic in their views about society, friendship with women and rebellious of course. Portrayed in many movies this was the romantic notion we grew up reading and probably emulated when we joined job.

The sketch up of the above is explained in a much more nuanced way by Amitava that as I was reading I could visualize a multi verse of young writers staying in these catacombs and communicating at night, exchanging ideas and thoughts and traveling through the verse. All these at night as they continue their day job.

Writers can be such a great inspiration - Just reading it you feel like ‘Gosh If only I could write like this. 

Another sprint starts 🙂

The Absurd & The Real = Life

I saw 2 movies - one absurd & one real - both by master storytellers. 

Aki Kaurismaki directed ‘Leningrad Cowboys Go America’ is a story of a struggling Siberian rock band leaves home in the lonely tundra to tour the United States because, as they’re told, “they’ll buy anything there.” The musicians bravely venture across the States, carrying a bandmate and some beer in a coffin, and sporting hairdos resembling unicorn horns.

For somebody to even think of a plot like this you have to be really super mad but executing or giving shape to it the production design is a crazy. You just have to see the poster to understand the hard work needed to keep the hair in the form of unicorn 😂. There is no story, it’s just a band traveling from manhattan to mexico and doing small gigs earning money which the manager keeps for himself. Like old black and white silent movies, a black slide comes in between and mentions a chapter title. It’s absurd but you can miss it.

Raging Bull By Martin Scorsese 

The last 3 lines of the review below captures my feeling after seeing the movie - ”When I first saw Raging Bull, I came out of the cinema simultaneously exhausted and yet supercharged with energy, as if I could throw buses across the street. It still makes me feel like that”

Made in 19 80 in monochrome it’s a masterclass in all departments of movie making. Growing up on staple Rocky series and posters, all of us were big fans of Sly. I had a huge poster of Rocky in my room and everytime I would look at it I would feel ‘Yes I can also win”. 

But Raging Bull which is based on Jake La Motta (person and book) a middle weight champion of 19 40’s has more to do with his psychotic personality and his downfall and less with boxing. Yes boxing is integral to this story but so is his personal life where he loses out on his brother - both leave him and go and ends up running a club doing funny acts & then jailed. Especially because of monochrome it has that 19 40’s / 50’s touch. 

https://www.theguardian.com/film/2023/apr/12/raging-bull-review-still-packs-a-punch-like-no-boxing-movie-before-or-since 

Both the movies reflect my life which is having too many of raging bull moments and very less of Leningard Cowboy moments but I guess just like the movies it will pass.

Mr. Jones

For 2 - 3 nights after I watched Mr. Jones, the imaged which were like B&W photographs kept floating in front of me. Shots of snow fields stretched till your eyes could see or just a tree or houses in snow - but stark like made out of logs. The place - Russia / Ukraine. Movies have a way of transporting you to a world so you can experience it sitting in your living room. Beautifully shot, especially the Ukrainian part this movie was like postcards stitched together.

The story is about a welsh journalist who visits Russia and wants to report about the great famine raging in much of USSR particularly Kazakisthan & Ukraine. A famine which Moscow was trying to conceal and the primary cause for it was the collectivization of land / farming. Known as Holdomor (you can google the word) this was the only eye witness account of someone who had visited these parts of Russia. These states were targeted specifically also because they did not want to bow to Moscow. There were lot of discussion in terming this as genocide. 

House in Ukraine

But that is just a political nomenclature issue, the film showcases the suffering of the people of Ukraine. People dying because there is nothing to eat. In one of the scenes Mr. Jones enters a house which is absolutely normal, there are empty plates and utensils, and when he goes inside the bedroom there are 2 old couple lying in the bed fully dressed and under the cover - dead. In another scene people start eating bark of the tree as that is the only thing available in knee deep snow.

This was in 1933 - we are in 2023 and It’s like a deja vu. Almost 100 years later the same thing is repeated in Ukraine (& Gaza). Simply as an unaware political guy I am only shocked that millions of people died last time and again millions will die for land and control. I don’t even want to understand or do something about it. I just turn my face away.

But death of millions - it’s something difficult to turn away. But I do, we have to move on and do our bit and my bit was to clear the empty plastic bottle lying in the walkway and make the road litter free.

Korean Seduction

For almost a year, my elder daughter & my wife have become K-Drama buddies. They exchange notes on what to see, actors and some time binge together. I always looked at it with distaste - Gosh how can someone see these. From someone who see’s MUBI and makes list of what movies to see, what can you expect. 

This December with the entire family together at on place (which was possible for only 10 days) the girls decided to watch start up. Nopes not me was my refrain as the Korean sounds enveloped my house. 

Dinner time is family time so I ended up catching glimpses of the series “START-UP” which they were seeing. And slowly over 10 days I got the gist of the story and saw a few episodes for bonding but also for what I would call ‘harmless viewing’ / ‘relaxation’ / de-stressing. It was sweet and touching with boys crying, neat and clean kids with good manner & loving and caring parents, neat and clean cities, lots of fun moments, Korean sing-song sound which is quite sleepy / pleasing to your ears. It’s like Betaab or Papa kehte hain or Jo jeeta woh sikandar minus the villains.

You come out feeling all good and a heart full of love.

I could understand now why my daughter would see it for an hr after a strenuous day at work before she goes to sleep or how my wife would see it while knitting. I guess it is there way and I guess millions of people in India of destressing.

Postscript: Well, someone actually wrote this. LOL 😀

https://victoriaenrose.medium.com/3-valuable-lessons-from-the-korean-drama-start-up-12e44b07e9ee

Awakin Reading & Reflection (1)

Tale Of The Ringless Ring - Thomas Moore

Nasrudin was a spiritual leader and teacher in a small village. He was honored and respected as a mullah, although he was rather unusual and unpredictable.

One day a man of great virtue in the village came to Nasrudin with some news. "My business requires that I move to a town far away, and I regret that I have to leave our beautiful village and the benefits of having you as a spiritual guide and teacher," he said to Nasrudin.

The honored teacher looked sad and said, "I'm very sorry to see you go. I hope you can stay in touch with us, with me."

"I don't know what it will mean to live far away," the man said. "But I had an idea. I have long admired the beautiful ring you wear on the finger of your right hand, and I thought, if you were to give me that ring, every time I looked at my hand and saw that ring I'd think of you."

Now, Nasrudin had his virtues and his ordinary vices. One thing he did not like to do is to part with things that were precious to him.

"I have a better idea," he said. "Why don't I keep my ring. Then, every day you look at your hand and see that my ring is not there, you will think of me." 

—---

This is a perfect story of emptiness. Instead of seeing something, you see nothing, and that nothing is meaningful. The townsman's attitude is standard: He is about to lose touch with this teacher, so he looks for something. This is how we deal with change and loss. We look for something, anything, to fill the gap.

But Nasrudin is wiser than he looks. He demonstrates the importance of wit and humor in paradoxical teachings. He comes up with a better idea, seeing value in the potential for emptiness he notices in his neighbor. He also perceives that by introducing nothingness in a positive way, he advances the teacher-student relationship. The empty, ringless, unnoticeable finger is the perfect solution.

This leads to broader questions: What place does emptiness have in our relationships? Is it better sometimes not to have physical signs of closeness and love? Is it good to doubt your beloved's devotion to you? Do the things we use to express our love get in the way? You give an expensive gift on an anniversary or on Valentine's Day. Would it be better to find a non gift, an empty gift, one that doesn't cost much or doesn't cost anything, that is not traditional, that has no obvious message? 

My reflections:

On gifting: With my anniversary coming up in 15 days, This was a nice question to explore.

My entire family is some form believes in sustainability (read less consumption / buying / avoiding plastic etc). When my younger one came back from Germany and my wife returned from Jaipur after a long stay & last year when my daughter came back from Norway - none of them got any physical thing (like dress which they got for my other members of family) - the only thing all 3 of them got for me was food / drinks. I loved it (the special jam from Norway & the special Christmas drink / beer Germans have)because I have enough dress to wear. But it was easy for them because I donate more and buy nothing - which they have seen me doing. Also I guess because I am a man. My wife their mom loved the jackets and other dresses she bought and wore it the very same day. Most girls are very possessive about what they wear. Both my girls cupboards are filled with dresses which they wore in some function or has their name in it. 

In conclusion - for me a physical gift is a must for the women(s) in my life now that both are officially adult kids. 

On emptiness in relationship / physical signs of closeness & love:

I think we have lot of it now a days especially after mobile came our way, we are occupied with them for horse which anyway create emptiness between 2 person & then thanks to WFH the line between work and office blurred many years back. The only time we can really talk is our morning walk & pillow talk which we are trying to synchronize. I think age is a BIG factor in this case as younger couple have more things to do together because they have more energy and want to explore things together. At our age our energy & need to explore is driven more by occasion than a burning need. When we were young we were out most weekends with kids on toe but now kids wanna go out so we toe the line. Couple are more accustomed to each other / their habits / there is a set routine/pattern to life - yes it leads to emptiness at times but there is always that understanding that - we are like this only.

Acceptance is the virtue we commit to with time.  

Postscript: These readings are shared with me every week as I am part of the service space network.

Momentary Disability: Mindfulness

Joyee - Germany Trip,
Note from A Buddhist Friend

I have been reading on mindfulness for 10 years but serious practicing I did for last 6 months +. That too: guided meditation & journaling daily. 

And one epiphany which stuck me few days back while my journaling (in fact before that) 

“It’s not about falling / having a bad phase / fight whatever is pulling you down, it’s about getting back and walking”

If I can do that I am good. For a long time in my life my focus has alway been Why did it happen ? Be methodical and rational my logic was if I know Why ? I can prevent future fall. 

I have been listening to the same guided meditation for 6 months now - like everything else after sometime it becomes the same words. Interesting thing is that many times (maybe depending on my mood and need) I always discover something new & sometime after I had an experience these words float in front of me. As if my mind has internalized these messages.

Today I am happy that I got up and able to pour out my mind in these random notes.