Making Sense of Mountains (3) - urban living and our insecurities

 

5 - 4 - 3 - 2 -1 - 0. This is how the connectivity looked like as we moved closer to the base camp

Can you imagine staying without connectivity - well we did it for 6 days and we didn’t miss it. The incessant need of replying to messages, or sending updates was washed away with the FOCUS shifting on doing the trek. Especially when 25 unknown folks from different background are put together with a common goal of reaching a summit. It was an experience of natural group dynamics - from not knowing each other to crying without any embarrassment, it all happened in next 6 days.

The Day 1 we had to pack (fit) everything we got from our home into our backpack and as were doing that I realized the layers of layers of stuff we were putting in and the only worry we had was - Can we ?

As I look back after the Trek, the biggest learning was just to surrender & let go! 

Food is a very good example - Many of us carried many many protein bars including me. But I carried back more than half of it - because there was no time to have it. There were enough stop over during the trek to have some local juice. 

We had all our meals in the tiffin box we carried - And very simple food, Dal - rice - 1 sabzi and 1 sweet. Roti was a luxury because of LPG issue. Nobody complained - we just wanted to have something hot at the end of day or after a long walk in cold. The temperature outside was freezing and anything warm was welcome. Beautiful cakes were made of suji which was shaped like a cake as we celebrated someone’s birthday. No fancy cakes like in cities

I and many of us were not used to the cold & even after many many layers we would just lose ourself to sleep because of sheer exhaustion. No Vodka to warm us. We managed fine.

I had 3 t-shirts and 3 lowers & we managed with them and 3 pair of sox

Probably the same is true for the migrant workers working in our city, the families - children surviving every day on what they can earn.

Many young jobbers complained about the schedule, hectic life and their effect on their life. I hope many/some trekkers ask this questions to themselves when they reach back "How much do we need ?" My enquiry on this had started many years back when I stopped buying and saying NO to things.

Surrendering - Letting Go in a mountain is easy - You do not have a choice 

4 Weeks before we started - a group was formed of 25 hikers and we would get daily update.

One days - There was too much snow at the summit so the team could not summit

Next day - It’s bright and sunny

Next Day - for 3 days - It’s been raining non stop but we are hoping that it will clear very soon…..

Every time I got one of these posts I would be tense - how will I manage if it snows so much, how many layers or if my socks gets wet etc etc.

Summiting is the biggest HIGH for a trekker. And going all the way from Bangalore and not reaching the peak - in a pure input - output & KPI driven world is a failure. But, after seeing these messages very soon I realized there is no point in thinking about the summit.

And this true till the morning of April 1st (when we did the summit), I never thought “whether we will summit or not”. If it happens Awesome, if not - It’s ok

We have been taught told this since we are very young:

“It’s the journey - not the destination that matters”. 

But at 56 this was driven home in those 10 days in the mountains. Looking back SUMMIT was just one thing we did but we will remember how we walked together, helped each other, joked, cried, sang and held each other in those 10 days.

Control - Is the other thing which got redefined / banished, we cannot control anything, it’s an illusion we live in. If weather is in the hand of Gods, food is in the hand of what gets transported on mules and gets made in the makeshift tent, sleep is a function of cold & with whom you sleep in the tea house.

Surya sir, a veteran trekker knew that he snores & was carrying ear buds which he gave me so I could sleep 😀. It's funny but also highly thoughtful for him to do so

Making Sense of Mountains(2) - Called By Hills

Both: The book & the journey of booking the trek happened in parallel. It was like one was feeding the other.

This is the second non fiction book which was on my list after reading 2 heavy (BIG) books - {The Loneliness of Sunny & Sonia and then Railsong} books which spans a generation and are sprawling with multiple characters I decided to switch track. 

This is a book like nothing I had read before. A book written so beautifully - that I could visualise every line of the book in my mind. In some sense its a small book - but I read with elongated pause just imagining what I had read about the house or the dogs which started staying with her & her husband, hoe she made a space in the mountain almost like occupying the forest without permission - And how the mountains & their people accepted her. Of course after much doubting and testing. 

A book which tells about the same place (near Ranikhet) but covers an expanse of 25 years +. I have stayed in Bangalore for last 20 years & the story all my friends and relatives have heard is that “Indranagar (where I stay) 100 ft road had 1 store and now….can’t count”. But beyond this my imagination can’t stretch because I never really lived here - with 10 hrs in office and frequent travel Indiranagar was just a place of convenience.

But for Anuradha Roy it was a slow process of adaptation, understanding the nuances of the hills, the people, the plants, the animals (wild or pet) bureaucracy and of course development. The animal - people divide and her last chapter hauntingly titled “The wounded Mountain” - A closing chapter so poignant that it almost made me cry.

I can still visualise how her dog disappeared and the despair of not finding her, or how the foxes disappeared not to be seen as the roads being built in the mountain pushed them away and away. No one knows where.

As we were moving from Dehradoon from where we were picked to be taken to the base camp at Katgaon, we were stopped several times because roads were being made - I could see 10’s of JCB’s boring their hard steel spikes into the mountains and removing rocks, landslides where the rocks got loose, or large swathes of land just not there because during rains landslides would have just broke that part of the mountain.

One part of my  mind was crying at the devastation being cause because pf people like us who need the roads & one part of the mind was rejoicing that at least I am able to see the mountains. I am not sure my next generation or there next will have the opportunity.

This is kind of dichotomy which I carried with me as 25 of us drove towards our base camp.

Is it a problem with choice or Pull of our senses ?

The old books, cloths, shoes, jackets which we were receiving from people coming in to give were across our table. We were doing our fist preloved sale aka 2nd hand products which we had received from our previous collection drive. 

Needless to say my eyes were lit when I saw a Murakami book “First Person Singular” (one of my favourite author), a book on climbing the Annapurna peak (I had just come back from ‘Har Ki Dun Trek’ and my mind was filled with mountains, The inside story of GUT(my last 1 years work on changing my food habits to get the gut going), How do you live ? By Genzaburo Yoshino (A book written in in 1937 and was translated in Japanese in 2021 and inspired Hayao Miyazaki of Ghibli Studio to make his last film - The Boy and the Heron, Now Ghibli is and Miyazaki are my gold standard in animation) and lastly, Sum - A book on after life (maybe the B/W picture on the cover - otherwise no RATIONAL reason). 

I picked all of them and kept them aside.

Now I am a person who is very very diligent of what book I read or movies I see - there has to be a strong reason. Why ? because I am investing my 1 hr every working day and few hrs in the non working days to read - experience - feel them. Which otherwise I could have done so many other things. And I don’t mind investing any amount in a book if I want to read it. 

But here I was with an array of books which I could read and give back and it will be sold in the next PRELOVED SALE. This was my rationalization. Everything you see above in (is the rationale).

But as I drove back home, the other side of the brain kicked in::

But these were meant for needy people 

Which needy person (read maids / security guards who bought) reads Murakami. Blah

But if the rich person bought these books then money would have gone to trust.

Hardly any fiction / non fiction book were bought, only children books were sold. Anyway there will many more sales opportunities after this. People can buy them.

I tie myself in these ideological ruminations. Sometimes (like today) I ask myself - do we really need to get into these mental debates ? Will it make me a better person? Am I judging myself hard or trying to be perfect ? What is perfect anyway ?

But when the questions come - It pours.
For once I thought I will pour it out on paper blog 🙂

& Not look for an answer.

Self Quote “Most questions about life do not have multiple choice answers.”

Making sense of the MOUNTAINS (1) How it all started ?

I don’t know where to start. With all the anxiety of the pre trip planning and ending with the excitement of eating, chatting, joking with a group of trek mates, who were unknown 7 days back but now feel like we are a group of BFF’s.

There is so much to write factually and there is so much to mull over that I don’t know where to start. I guess it will take a few days / months for some of it  to surface and and some of it to be absorbed.

Like Eagles says in one of there songs (In Hell Freezes over)…this is how it all started.

Lets begin before the beginning.

A naive me in Ladakh dreamt of doing Chader Trek excited by the stories of walking on a frozen lake. But then Covid stuck and we were locked in for almost 2 years. In those 2 years and after that many things happened but the trek. Ladakh was the first time I experience nature like I had never done before and if I was 

Solan - Shimla - Beginning of the Himalayan journey

22 and 23 both years I spent considerable time in Shimla - Solan. I understood the mountains through the programs we did for the teachers who were working in small communities spread across far - flung areas. Their past, the secrets of traditional herbs, their dresses, festivals, aspirations , difficulties.  But what stood out was their love and kindness. One such experience was - On a small hike, when me and friend got lost they not only showed the way but opened their house for rest and tea. But then I saw the hills burn from our window - not able to do anything. How the mountain cried, vegetation disappear so does the species. We thought of doing many treks across nearby mountains but none materialized. This March / April the choice was to go for a meet being organized at Shimla and then navigate my way for a trek. But looking at the locations and itinerary I realized - it can’t be both. 

And that’s how a trek was decided

Why “Har Ki Dun” ?

This question was asked by the trek lead to all of us and the simple answer was “It called me”, there was no strong logic, which peak to climb - but the only thing which I could connect was what Arjun (founder of Indiahikes) says in his video of it being a trek of self discovery - spiritual etc. 

Does visualisation work ?

The pic above says its all. I joined this session being done by my friend to create a visual board for 20 26. It there on my soft board from Jan 1st.

1 bucket List done. Thanks to my lucky mascot JO. More Soon.

And 20 26 is here

Fab 4 Vision Board

It’s been a bad December, end of a otherwise defining year. Entire December the only sticky memory I have is of being sick. While the year started with special focus in building a healthy me with strength training and plant based diet. Life came a full circle when in December my never ending flu pushed me to visit a GP and got a dose of antibiotics.

Anyway, I hope that is swiped away with the remnants of 20 25.

                                So, How was 20 25 ? Some end of the year Musings…

I valued:

Slowing down although I did not know when I did it. Reading old newspaper or a long form article in Mint Lounge or Hindu Magazine, physically with the paper in  your hand and sitting in a corner. Maybe in sun if lucky especially when you are in Bangalore or in bed. It was / is my go to process for centering. 

& Work - Coming back to work after almost 3 years rewired my whole life in a new & positive way. It gave directions, interactions with young people and most importantly a life beyond home. Maybe I can call it independence.  

I also discovered - the quiet of BOSE headphone, the experience was surreal on how you can shut out the world with the press of a button.

Concept became experiences in 20 25: Interconnectedness, Abundance are not just concepts they are real. I got my job in 2nd innings after 2+ years of volunteering because I showed up at many places with unknown people to just volunteer and learn. In one such instance I met someone and Socratus happened. I have been desiring an IPAD from last 20 year but could never cross the middle class sensibility and buy 1. Then one day someone wanted to give his old IPAD as it was slow & it back happening :)

I tried / engineered making friends with people whom I admired / liked maybe infatuated with or I though logically and rationally that they should be my friends from college / past work but by end of the year I realized. It does not work that way. I remembered the quote which hung in my wall of my hostel for the longest time “If you love someone, set it free. If it comes back it’s yours, if not, it was not meant to be.”  But I also learnt the flip side of it, you have to show up with sincerity before you let it go - so that you can tell yourself “You tried.” I don’t think I will try much of this in 20 26. My books, movies & occasional plays / music are friendships I plan to cultivate more in 20 26

We are like this only? A phrase which played on repeat in my head when dealing with family. It was a topsy-turvy journey with 4 of us staying together for a whole year after 10 years.

Age showed up in the form of aches and pains, low energy - Yes it’s a number, but you should know what’s behind that number. The sudden decline can be humbling.

Accept & Move On.  Onwards & Upwards.

Sunday Musings (Last Post of the year): An ode to memory

As the year draws to a close, whether we are with our friends and family or in an unknown place. One thing which we will all do is to reminiscence. Yet in the age of reminders, push notifications and alerts when forgetting should have been impossible - the more we record, the less we recall. Have you noticed how we keep forgetting to remember a past incident.

I read this article many times and in case you don’t have the time to read the same here are a few bullet points for you and for me as well. Because I will treasure this touching note till next Christmas if not more.

“Our personal history are archived in clouds we never see, and our collective past is compressed in searchable databases. It is as if memory itself has been liberated from the burden of being human. But it may have lost it’s soul.”

In a sterile or an impersonal environment like office the pictures on our softboard are our gateway to a life lived through pictures. Echo photo triggering a memory or a story - told & untold both.

“Memory gives continuity to identity.”

“For most human history, memory was an art. Ancient cultures cultivated elaborate techniques of recall - the Indian Oral tradition, the greek ars memoriae, the monastic practices of meditations.”

“Remembering was not about storage, it was about synthesis. To remember was to interpret, to connect, to assign meaning." "True memory is selective shaped by emotion and meaning”, “We remember what matters not what happens”

If we are somewhere in mountain or in the beach, should we experience the sunset or record the perfect sunset shot.

As 2025 merges with 2026.

Maybe, “we must learn once again, that memory is not a file to be accesses but a flame to be tended. To remember is to care. And to care, in an age of distraction, is the rarest act of all.”

Memory in the age of forgetting (Link to article)

The dystopian cities are here

Few months back I rewatched Stanley Kubrick’s The Space Odyssey and I was amazed that he could predict the IBM machine n talking computer etc back then. The same with Neuromancer - he actually talked about metaverse - living there etc. That was just an ode to science fiction

But yesterday n today Bangalore is dark, cold with high levels of AQI, I didn’t dare go out. We don’t talk about COVID anymore because it has become regular to have slight cold, cough, body pain - which lasts for 2 weeks or more. 60% of my colleagues are suffering so am I. 

Delhi is worst - people are wearing masks when they go out. Apparently they have air purifier everywhere - from car, balcony (one friend has 5 in his house), office clubs and yes roads too. They tried cloud seeding with no effect. Another friend was saying he and his wife went to Bhopal, another is in Himachal, the richer would have to gone to Swiss. But we don’t talk about the auto driver, bus driver, conductor and the slums which houses 60% maybe more of Delhi and runs Delhi.

I was in a Chikkaballapur - 60 km from Bangalore. Just looking at that space I felt - can i live here, if nothing I will breath some fresh air and maybe grow something in the side. Many of us want to do especially on the other side of 40 but no one is listening. While things are better managed it’s no different - polluted lakes, droughts, sanitation issues. 

There is nothing much we want to do - we just continue to live. The same life which from an environment n health perspective is being worse but thank to all convenience and discounts we have a perception that we are leading a happy life. Everything comes packaged at your doorstep right in time to put the masala on your pan - Just 10 mnts.

Some of us who are wiser won’t do that and if we do at least be wise to order an organic product. But for other it’s the palak on time - doesn’t matter where it was grown, how, what water, what soil. The curry is on time and we are all happy that we had a nutritious meal. Did we ?

It's been 3 and half years trying to do something. But, working in climate sector is difficult because whatever you do, it still makes you feel inadequate. We know it won’t solve a problem but we tell ourselves - we have taken the 1st step many might follow. Or, let me do my bit, my home, my apartment / neighbourhood. Let me clear one blackspot at a time or plant a tree - if not a forest.

It’s a daily set of check list I have - wash the plastic - store it, convince everyone around not to orde and if they do, avoid getting hot soup (a constant demand in this weather), compost my wet waste, was vegetables and fruits. It’s a battle inside & outside the house.

As we often say “There is no Planet B”. And there is one home 🙂 and one life.