It has been raining yesterday, but very sultry. Morning was comfortable and quiet. Like in Bangalore the house here is also near road and there is a constant rumble of traffic and noise. But today was unnaturally quiet except the sound of various birds, insects, frogs. Unlike Bangalore where I have a programmed day - my own here I just let go & did what I came naturally / spoke to me.
I went to terrace and looked at the sun, the vegetation, shrubs, creepers, found my old friend chameleon, leaves of various kind, hear the rustling of leaves in the wind and looked at the sun & exercised - simple stretches. Just absorbing the sun made me feel so good that it’s difficult to explain. Through out the day that feeling remained - just doing nothing but looking and feeling, kind of awakening of senses. We had simple food made out of shrubs and stems found nearby and my taste buds just exploded. It was like welcome back home.
My coming here was to comfort my cousin sister whose husband passed away 2 months back and I could not come at that time. She kept breaking down and kept repeating the same thing of how he was sitting and just passed away. She must have said that 1000 times to as many people. And i could understand that how much that scene has been imprinted in her mind. I could not add or do much and just heard her out. What can someone say? This is in the past but for her it was very much alive. Just being there, listening, accompanying her to the market or in cooking, just sitting in kitchen while she cooked. Or talking about her son’s future. Or about the ceremonies and what went right or who helped and how.
In an era of information overload we hear, read, listen to so many things - Ted talks, my service space challenges, articles shared by friends, newsletters like maria popova on philosophy. They all remain words - it’s only our experience that helps me connect back to many things or relate to it. These flashes are rare especially in a programmed life - although after my retirement I believed I will lead an unprogrammed life. But as I reflect back I programmed / set my routine. I think that’s my nature or a human tendency. I want to have a plan, or be clear what to do next else I feel restless, incomplete, in limbo. These vague feeling of not accomplishing something.
Even as I was flying to Silchar I was reading about Meghalaya & Arunachal Pradesh and was thinking next time I should plan a trip / trek, do it and then come home here. But after today’s experience my first thought was to just stay in our Solan farm without phone & stay completely disconnected for a week. Just join the family there and follow their routine.
Can I? Or is it just a wish which will go away when I get up tomorrow.
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