(Not So) Hidden Gems in Amazon Prime - 2: A star is born..

Finally, I managed to see the movie. The soundtrack has been playing for some time on my phone. I had never heard Lady Gaga – only heard the weird stuff she does in terms of her dress – famously the meat dress. 

I did not know Bradley Cooper could sing but after listening to them I fell in love with the music – Especially Lady Gaga for the passion in her voice. You can feel the music coming from deep inside something like the opera singer/ soul / rhythm / jazz. – The only other singers who comes in my mind is Whitney Houston & Amy Winehouse.

The story is nothing different – you have to love music to sit through it which I did.

(Written in July 2019)

Hidden Gems in Amazon Prime (India) - 1: A House by The Sea

On a hot Saturday evening – toiling the day working, more of debating and discussing, when I stepped out of office and sat on the cab, my only wish was to go and sit in a calm beach and just stare at the sea – more of shoreline at night. Lack of will and energy dragged me back to my cubby hole called home in Mumbai.

Being a list maniac, I opened the list given in NY Times on Best movies to see in Amazon Prime and was shocked to see that not a single movie was there (hence the bracket above is very important) in the Indian movie list of Amazon Prime. Not to be defeated – I ran through the movie catalogue and selected 15 odd movies for next 3 months.

After the movie got over and the credits rolled – I realized that my wish of sitting by the coastline was no longer a wish - it came true.

It’s a French movie directed by Robert Guediaguian and starring Ariane Ascaride, Jean Pierre Darroussin, Anais Demoustier.

Set by a little bay near Marsielle the story revolves around a beautiful house/villa built near the sea, whose owner an old man get’s a stroke in the first scene and collapses to become completely paralysed. While his eldest son who stays with him tends to him, his other son and daughter come to visit him. The story starts here.

Beautifully shot – or maybe the beaches and houses are so beautiful that anybody can shoot beautiful movies there. It’s a place where time slows down – a small alcove built by few families with their own hand when they came here many-many years ago and continued to stay. Everybody knows each other, cares for each other. Its many families staying together. So, the setting is calm, picturesque, boat’s anchored in the alcove, small hilly terrain, and people going out to fish and come back.

There are many ways you learn philosophy / life lessons. Movie (and Story Books) is also one of them. The movie is all about choices made by the 3 children and their father. It poetically tells us – Let Go.

The daughter had not come back for 20 years holding her Dad responsible for the death of her daughter (she had drowned trying to reach out for her floating doll) and is angry/spiteful from scene 1 but changes in next few days as she realises there is no reason of holding on to something which happened so many years back – She was running away from reality and she believed by closing the door to the past and opening a new and exciting door (she became a famous actress and toured the world) will shut out the past. As the movies unfolds, she confronts the reality and finds love in various forms – a lover who is probably 40 years younger but adores her, 3 abandoned children and decides to stay back cancelling her tours.

Similarly, the other brother is a communist in his heart and has been recently laid off and carries a bitter taste in his head – angry at everything around. He believes he is a writer, but his manuscripts have been rejected multiple no of times. He befriends a young girl and in her he sees a respite / new beginning / hope – which helps him forget the bitterness inside him. As he sees his father, staring at the sea, he remembers the days of abandonment and merry making when he was a teenager and realises that he should stop running and live with an illusion (girl). By the end of the movie he asks her girl friend to go and decides to stay back and help his brother run a small coffee shop. The girl in turn gives the manuscript to the daughter asking her to read and understand her brother better.

The movies also go back very briefly to show how free, happy, joyous they were - before all of them went away. There is also a side story of 3 children who came into the island after their boat capsized and how the family brings them in, start taking care of them, giving them a new home – the family come together to make the children happy. Which also awakens the child inside each of them and the feeling the brothers and sisters shared when they were young.

I liked the movies for it’s slow pace, beautiful location, sensitive portrayal by all the actors and most critical was how it conveys the overall philosophy of the story in a very calm and serene way. There is a beautiful flow in the movie from 1^st scene to the last.

It’s like beta phase in your sleep – which I got into after I switched off the light. See it for its storytelling.

(Written in July 2019)

Gully Boy

This has been a season of musicals – Bohemian Rhapsody which chronicles the struggle of Freddie Mercury & now Gully Boy which is a take on the rise of Divine and Naezy. Not very different in my mind. Few things stood out in Gully Boy.

The characters delivered on their character. All of them fitted the role to a T, I guess the credit goes to director and how much she allowed them to get under the skin of the character. Notable was Ranveer Singh – probably one of the most subdued role he has played. Even Sher his mentor who I am guessing is a new comer dominated him and so does his friend the owner of garage who calls him chote’.

I think, dialogue written by Vijay Maurya, cinematography by jay oza brings out the Mumbai inside you onto the screens. As someone who has spent 5 years in Mumbai one can relate to it so much that it hits one heart instantly.

Everyone likes the underdog journey from struggle to success. Whether it’s a rap star, Queen’s band or the entrepreneur’s journey’s which I often keep hearing.

Look at what all is against the protagonist

•         place of upbringing – dharavi / economic condition
•           small time college
•           second marriage by his father

What’s going for the protoganist

•           trustworthy friends
•             girl friend who trusts her
•           mother

Skills

•           Writing – pours out his heart on paper
•           Mentor who trusts him
•          An environment which is willing to challenge him and his skills, also encouraging to lay down strong bets (which he won)

Ultimately what came out is ‘How much committed are you towards your passion. Struggle is inevitable, it’s how you stay focused on your passion and seize the right opportunity’.  

(Written sometime in March 2019)

Born a Crime: Trevor Noah

The only reason I picked up this book was because it was part of Bill Gates famous book list of the year – 2017 I think. Otherwise I wouldn’t know who is Trevor Noah?

After reading the book – you feel all your family members should read it and all your close friends – people for whom you care and especially those who are growing up or have children’s who are growing up.

It’s a memoir, but it’s just not a memoir.  Let me explain.

It’s about South Africa, apartheid and it’s effect on the society. As you read it you realize how little you actually know about apartheid and it’s effect. Yes, there was this movie Gandhi – which all of us must have seen every republic / Independence Day since it was made in which Gandhi is thrown out of the train. And Nelson Mandela of course.

The book demystifies the South Africa he grew up – which was apartheid and after apartheid. Life in the ghettos, lives of extreme poverty he grew up in, the divide between white, black and coloured. How the divide played out in society, school, police, government etc. It’s written in a very witty way which I am guessing is his craft (stand up comedian) so while you understand the reality and feel sad about the impact of apartheid in a child and a family living in SA, you still enjoy reading it. Trevor educates on SA before every chapter – whether it’s numerous languages spoken or which are the stronger tribes and how it affects everyone around.

While the book is all about Trevor and his growing up, it’s also about his mother who seems to be his shining star / mentor and many thing else.

(Written on 18^th Feb 2019)

Mumbai Diaries – 1

I have been hopping from Bangalore – Mumbai – Bangalore for more than a year now. And as it happens with any city you get to observe nuances of the city as you spend more time in it. Some musings below. Random stuff.

Most haunting image

One of the most haunting images in my mind was when I saw a group of girls running in rain in Marine drive. I wish I could click the image – but it’s captured in my mind and if I was a painter probably, I could draw it, instead let me try and paint it in words. Who knows, some day it may be an opening sequence of a black and white movie. I cannot imagine this in colour.

Imagine a clouded morning, touching a vast ocean far away at a horizon. You are sitting in a taxi silent with windows closed with no sound except the rains falling on your taxi. The curve of marine drive is quite far from where you are mostly empty because of heavy rains. And as you look at the horizon of rain and clouds meditatively, you suddenly see a line of girls one after the other running slowly one after the other against the beating rain, almost forcing their way through the rain. There is a tiredness in their movement, but you can sense the will power in them to make it somewhere. It’s a brief 10 second scene which has been imprinted in my mind and keeps coming back.

Many times when I run and almost near my finishing line, I just need to take those few steps and I know I will reach there.

(Written on 9^th March) 

Postscript: No further entries.....I guess writing is what people lose out while busy working and making 2 ends meet. 

Dogs

The dog cried the whole night. I woke up intermittently and heard it. It was easy to differentiate the sound from an angry bark. One could feel the pain / hurt in the voice. Probably separated from the mother – caged in a small room in one of the apartments of my block. The owners must have got the dog that day.

Generally, I would ignore, but for some reason it set my mind thinking of this whole cycle of having pets and human beings need of getting undivided attention and love. Isn’t that why we keep a dog?  And for that we are willing to separate the child from the mother and condition her to follow our life. Stay cooped up in our apartment for the rest of their life.

As I ruminated over this and went for my morning walk. I met Lara (a dog) and recollected how many of my friends have adopted stray dogs from animal shelters, NGO’s who provide a home for these strays. As I googled, I was quite astonished so see there is a whole world carved out by humans for dogs. They must be feeling good, being taken care of and treated specially with special foods, walks in parks, doggy baths, meets, shows and more.

I came back hoping that the dog has settled down and will not cry the whole night tonight.

(Written on 9^th March 2019)

No Man’s Land

I guess you come out with titles like that if you are sleeping with Murakami for last 7 days. But yes, those letters just formed in my mind today morning. Context – End of 2018, back from a trip from RV – where we snatched some moments together between the 4 of us, 18+15+49+45, that’s the cumulative age of the family – although both my kids will debate that they will be 19 & 16 in 2 months’ time. But that was not the point of putting those numbers up, those indicate the kind of philosophical, dreamy, angst and silent conversations we had between us. 

How does one look back at the year? Our newspapers and TV sets have their hands full rather their paper and channels full of what happened last year – from the silliest of memes to the most astounding findings. This only proves that as human beings we all want to look back and do a tally. Let’s say we just sort of grew with it. Unless you are a character in Murakami’s book who will probably won’t realize that the year has just changed.

Is it worth looking back? I ask myself, so much time has gone by – is it worth digging the grave and pulling out the loose stones, you don’t know what will come out along with it. Maybe…

My visual memory of 2018 is from going to chemo sessions week after week, to discussions, travels & travails of admission to college to those tireless travels to Mumbai and attend mind numbing sessions at office. It was like a race to nowhere – and in all that running around suddenly baba passed away. I saw it coming but no one expects it to happen, even the actual events happened so fast that looking back you feel like going back in time and making amends and do things maybe with more respect to the departed. There was no time to grieve because there was my daughter's admission to be done then all the formalities to be completed – traditional puja’s which kept me busy for a month and by the time I got back – work beckoned and sucked me into it’s whirlpool. And very soon 2018 was over.

   

In a nutshell that was 2018, I know it was physically and mentally the most exhausting year in last 50 years and only time will tell how deep the scars are. 

(Written some time in the beginning of 2019)

Wonder – The story of Auggie & More

In recent years, some of the most beautiful books were those recommended by Joyee, my 15-year-old. Thanks Sweetie 😊

I started reading Wonder because I like the trailer and we could not see the movie as the DVD wasn’t good quality and that’s when she said – Read the Book, it’s awesome.

I read it in snatches over a period of a month and as I read more and more it’s not so much about Auggie – it is, but it is also about the effect Auggie had on VIA, her friends, family, his friends in school etc. My family was going through a similar crisis - more about it later.

The book is created in a fashion that it takes the reader through an incident obviously from Auggie’s perspective and then the books pans into every individual involved in the incident (which in this case is Auggie joining the 5^th grade after being home schooled) and explains in a nice way what’s going on in their mind – why did they behave the way they did. I loved the format.

I liked Mr. Brown’s Precepts & Quotes which were posted in the start of every part which was typically about a person – like for Justin it said ‘Sometimes I think my head is so big because it’s so full of dreams” – John Merrick in Bernard Pomerance’s The Elephant Man.

As I read this I was also beside baba taking him to hospitals for his chemo; staying with him when he got admitted for 5 days at Manipal; while Nikita and her mother were filling forms for her college admissions, travelling to Pune n Ahmedabad for the interviews etc. I was telling Joyee – I loved VIA and the thoughts which was going through her mind – the compromises (read acceptance) she was making, while complete attention was given to Augie. It sort of resonated & helped me understand what probably Nikita was going through.

I am sure every reader interprets a book in their own way, I am glad I read the book. It helped me to see the other side.

Here’s my favourite precept – 

When given the choice between being right or being kind, choose kind – Dr. Wayne W. Dyer. 

Can I save my green spot?

Can we imagine listening to birds chirping in an apartment in the middle of Bangalore 500 mt from the one of the arterial roads of Bangalore.

I must be blessed to be waking up in the morning and listening to bird chirping. Thanks to the trees around our apartment who provide shelters to playful squirrels; chattering parakeets; watchful eagles; woodpeckers; myna's; crows of course and bee’s who have put up large bee hives and are as busy as they can be depositing the honey collected by the troops. I am sure there will a much larger ecosystem of ants and insects, but this is what I get to watch and enjoy from my 6^th floor.  

Over last 5 years they have become family especially on a lazy Sunday when I have my warm cup of tea and see this ecosystem come alive or on a tired evening when I reach back home early and sit on the stairs to watch the eagles gliding on the sky whereas all the other birds are giving their last shout out before they go quiet.

Today as I sipped my tea in the evening, a friend called to say that all her plants in the garden have died and all birds/insects/ butterflies had suddenly disappeared overnight. On inquiring further, she was told that the entire neighborhood was sprayed with special chemicals to kill the dengue mosquitoes.

Is this a collateral damage which we can avoid or one day we will wipe out the entire flora and fauna in the name of saving the most powerful animal in the planet – The Home Sapiens. Those who have read the book can relate to what I am saying and those who haven’t can see this to start with.

Inside Outside

Outside it’s clouded

After two days of sunshine

Sun has decided to hide

Behind the dark curtains of cloud.

I got up feeling groggy inside

Bit like the sun outside

My heart played hide and seek with my mind.

It tried to rewind

back to days

When the sun shone bright

And I was ready to fight

Anything on my way.

But today

Is not my day.

I want to curl back and

Be a fetus

Once again

Like I was born.

So, I can start a new journey

In a world where sun always shines

Inside and Outside.

Of traditions and keeping them alive?

Tradition is all bout dressing up ? 15th August Class Photo

As kids growing up in 80’s, we just towed along with our parents / larger family / friends because of the comfort which comes with just being with people whom you know and be happy and tradition just helped us being together. Durga Puja was one such occasion – wearing one new dress every day, keeping fast and giving Anjali, sitting down as a group and eating bhog – these were the lovely moments I often remember and cherish.

With the Puja approaching in 2 weeks we packed 2 tops each for our daughters living in boarding and told them to wear them on Puja days. Probably they will but they did not find it reasonable as to why they should wait for 15 days when they can wear it the next day.

This made me look back at how the entire tradition of Puja has slowly become another commercial venture especially in a city like Bangalore where I stay for last 11 years and except for few years when I am out on vacation or visiting Delhi / Jaipur where my extended families stay I have celebrated most of Puja days at Bangalore. Both me and my wife have grown up singing / dancing in the programs which were conducted during puja which in those days were more a homely affair than a large commercial event as it happens in most of Bangalore.   

When I tried to dig deeper with my children who will be very soon out in different cities starting their college on how they would celebrate next year when they were in a different city – they reaction was typical of their age, it depends who all around and maybe if time permits. At first instance, the picture I visualized was a death of tradition which we have grown up with and felt sad that I am unable to uphold the same for my daughters. I in fact felt I am responsible for its death 

But on deeper reflection I felt that – we (at least me) have all gone thru this. And it’s a reflection of how things have changed around us and has changed us. In this case Me - The primary unit.

For my parent’s puja and it’s celebration defined him and his family hence we (that is his family) were all interned into it. It defined him as someone who is Bengali. So today I can relate strongly when I read a passage on Puja in Jhumpa’s book or Chitra’s book because for 3 of us it defined us – it was our fibre. Not so for the next generation or my kids – for them it’s an outing no different from going to a mall – it’s all about food. Durga Puja for them is a folklore or a mythological tale fabricated for social reasons i.e. keeping a group as one / social peace etc.

There rational outlook has God/Durga Puja and traditions of 5-day puja with all that I mentioned above are in the periphery of a scientific, rational and logical outlook. There is nothing emotional about it.

Maybe they go thru it just to make peace and Wapping there friends ‘This is a fancy show I have to go thru every year for my parents.’…….So be it !

Ministry of Utmost Happiness – Arundhati Roy

I read this over a period of 2 weeks. First few chapters on my way to work. Disconcerted especially the entire section on introduction to Anjum I moved my reading to late night ensconced in my world so that I could sleep to exorcise the feelings which arose as I read the book. Last few days I was away from the duniya at Rishi Valley School to meet my daughters so I could snatch away time at night as they slept peacefully to finish the book.

The dedication tells it all – To, The unconsoled. 

It’s a difficult book to read; it churned my inside as I read the pages. I have not followed her since God of Small Things in terms of her involvement with the social movement or what the press terms as an activist. Reading the book creates a vision in your mind which is no different from the reality what you see in any city of India and in the high rises – the modern affluent people. 

The first six chapters on introduction to Anjum, Khwabgah is gut wrenching – any of us looking for escapism will put the book down and never move to the second section where the build-up happens around 3 characters entangled in a way possible only in books. 

What I liked is the detailing of Old Delhi, characters, situations especially of eunuchs and their whereabouts – this maybe a first for most of the readers – who would want to understand them. There in probably lies the message of a kind of apathy which has set in most of us – we are ok with a Santhal women hired from an agency to take your baby out to the park as we are busy posting our pics on international travel in Facebook.

It’s a political book and I felt at times she tried to address too many issues plaguing our society. I believe all writing is personal – you write what you feel the best and as I read I could feel at some point she was exorcising the ghost within.

But I loved the entire Kashmir episode – the strange relationship between the four characters – Musa, Tilo, Naga and Garson Hobbart. The description of Kashmir and the brutality was vivid and I could visualize the seething anger; lost beauty; sadistic brutality - it swung my emotions between rage, love, disgust and pity.

Overall, I came out of the book feeling like an incapable bystander who is busy running uncaring and uninvolved cocooned in his own world – not a comfortable feeling to end a book with.

Teary Eyed at times but Glowing with warmth - Three Thousand Stiches – By Sudha Murthy

The only reason I started reading this because Joyee my daughter is a great fan of hers and I was in a different world after finished reading Sapiens for almost 4 days. Reading Sapiens was like getting handover from GOD on what happened in past and what to look forward to in future. I perhaps needed some human touch – I had an option of Murthy or Chitra Divakurani. I am thankful I picked up ‘Three thousand Stiches’.

It was one of the simplest book I have read and I guessed why my children loved reading her books. But simplicity does not mean it does not have character – except for a few which I felt more for education/awareness like “I can’t We can’ which talks about AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) or ‘A powerful Ambassador’ which talks about Bollywood and it’s impact outside India, ‘A day in Infosys Foundation’ which explains the contradictions / challenges one faces as a social entrepreneur most of them had a simple message told in a way she would have told her grandchildren.

I was so happy that Joyee (my younger daughter) reads it because as I read it I could feel what the DNA of a simple and honest life should be, what good upbringing means, how principles and values can be instilled in the family especially your children. How you can challenge the current norms of society and lead a life with passion from age 17 to age 67. It does not matter where you are born and where you study if you can instill strong values in your children they can go where their passion takes them.

My two best stories

Three thousand Stitches, which explained professional challenges of being a social worker if I may call her that and it took her almost 15 years to achieve what she wanted to do for the devadasi’s. What it takes to win the trust of a community, it’s not just about money which you are donating but sharing the problems and empowering people to find their own solutions. 

A life unwritten, which explains how her father (who I felt had a great influence on her) was posted in a village in pre – independence era and how she helped deliver a baby in a small hut with no electricity and no prior experience of delivering a baby. How he gave all his money to her and told her to go become a nurse and not give up in life after he heard that the baby and the girl will be killed. The fact that she wrote this store after 50 years (assuming she wrote it now) shows what impact that would have had on her. 

Life is all about learning from experiences, we are what we are because what we have gone through. With a frenetic life, we live these days; it’s so important to close our eyes, pull back and retrace our path to understand from our mistake or a touching experience – like reading this book. I went back in time and recollected things which I never did for a long while. Time spent with my parents or story telling sessions / walks / drives with my children who are away in boarding. I hope I have been a good father and instilled in them values which will create another Sudha Murthy. 

When I closed the book I almost felt she is my role model and I should send a mail to her saying if I could work with the foundation in whatever capacity I can.

Death of a conversation

Death of conversation

Today I lost my voice

Sound got choked inside

It echoed

Moving between mind and heart and

spaces in between.

Driving between

Office and home

I saw

A couple

Smiling

Chatting

Talking

Moving hand in hand

Held together

Which stated

Till death do us apart

I smiled and

Drove on

Thinking

 How did we end up

From

Death do us apart

To

Death of a conversation?

There is no answer

Because

That

Needs a conversation

And today

It curled up & died …

Amazing Grace

Eagles flying by

With grace and poise

As I sit in my balcony

and try to make a choice.

I think slow

I imagine the future

I remember the past

I build scenarios as I have been trained to

What if

And

What if not….

As I look up

I see

Dots of eagle

Floating effortlessly

In a cloudy sky

Ignoring

The pollution

& The noise.

I finally decide

‘My Decision can wait

for another day’

Today

Let me get lost in their

Grace & playfulness.

Do my dreams matter ?

I am seventeen

In my teen

I want to see the world

Never seen

By my eyes

I was excited

To have

Transited

From a child with a dream

To

A man with a vision

I want to

Fly

But I

Feel chained

With shackles

Which are not mine.

Don’t they trust me

To work hard

Make the right decision

Or

Am I just another toy

In their hand.

I wake up at night

Breathless

Screaming

Crying

Scared that I will shatter

Their dream.

Do my dreams really matter?

Which they want

To manipulate

And cremate

in their dreams for me.

Let me end this battle

Today

Let me

Break the shackles

Once and for all

And fly

to a world

Where

I can make my choice

without being judged.

Goodbye,

till we meet again

In a place 

Where 

I can be ME

& 

You can be You

Goodbye!

PS: Inspired by a true event.

The Run

The night ended late

Thanks to a spate

Of discussions

Leading to confusion

&

indecision.

There was a thought

which had brought

me to Mumbai

18 years back.

A vision of

Freedom n free spirit

A vision which started

a run

I am still running

so that

I can stand still.

Today as I fill

my lungs with fresh air

and see the rising sun

I look back and wonder.

Did I really have fun?

Is there still a free spirit inside me?

Do I still believe in freedom?

I search for these answers

And more….

But I know, all I can do is

Maybe

Run just a little more

In the hope that

There is something in store

At the end of my run….

It’s not about the birds!

As we trekked early morning in the wilderness;

with a worn-out stick in our hand

to find birds in this land

which had;

humans encroaching in their flight plans.

I heard

Birds - chirping – chatting – cooing,

Singing, all around me.

The guide told us

‘Hear the bird call - listen – focus’.

As I tried to listen,

I could hear

Not only the birds chirping

The river water lapping

The breeze ruffling

The bamboo trees swaying

The air literally speaking

to me…

In those few moments

I forgot

I was bird searching

Because

in all that chatter

I could feel a stillness,

In my mind which;

I was struggling to find

Making me realize;

It is never about the bird;

It is about the search…

Isn’t that why we all set out

To go;

wherever we want to go

when our heart calls….